Wow...It's been six years since my five year relationship with my first love ended, yet, I'm still not over it. It's strange to me because I don't want anything to do with him now, but I have this frightening hatred for him. I feel like he's the last man I'll ever be with since my life literally halted after our break-up.

He has a great and happy life while I am sick with a really lame abdominal disease called Sphincter of Oddi Dysfunction and a really huge right ovary that I am waiting to get diagnosed later this month. I just thought I should vent about it since, yeah...it's never good to hold so many negative feelings inside without talking to anyone about it.

I think the problem I have stems from me being sexually abused when I was growing up, so it was really hard for me to finally let someone get to know me so intimately. He cheated on me shortly after I finally had sex with him...What a douche bag!

Anyway, I am currently in a long distance relationship right now, but I feel so paranoid as if he, too, will hurt me like the last asshole. Hell, I don't even know if he and I will even meet one day. He lives in Georgia while I live in California. Sorry for the long rant, it's just that I had to let out all this crap somehow.