It's time for a New Contest!

It's time for a New Contest!

Lena Eden Lena Eden
It’s time for a new contest, folks!

I think that for now we've had plenty enough of serious discussions about very important subjects, such as oral techniques, male orgazms, vibrators and their highly satisfiable features. Let's have some fun now!

Let’s call a contest for the most amusing story about our favorite sex toys.

Perhaps, somebody came up with a non-traditional use for their sex toy? Or had a funny moment when using one? Any other hilarious moments related to your pleasure devices?

The funniest story will get a prize - Vibrating Wand Massager and 3 attachments for maximum pleasure!
09/17/2016
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TheToyGuy TheToyGuy
Such a hard topic, there is just so many funny events that have happened.
09/17/2016
Lena Eden Lena Eden
Quote:
Originally posted by TheToyGuy
Such a hard topic, there is just so many funny events that have happened.
TheToyGuy, share the one (or a couple of?) you think is the funniest
09/19/2016
PolyLove PolyLove
Hm... Not funny, but definitely amusing if you aren't the one who spent the tons of money on the toys.

I had quite the collection a couple of years ago of high-end luxury toys. I have this bad habit of not putting my things up. And we had ferrets. I found butt plugs, beads, vibrators, dildo's, lingerie, and so much more throughout the house- chewed up.

We haven't had the ferrets for about 4-5 months now and I am still finding toys and such that they had chewed up. I mean, under the fridge, behind the dryer, OMG! Every time I find one it upsets me and I start grumbling about the damn ferrets.
09/19/2016
Sugarfina Sugarfina
Quote:
Originally posted by Lena Eden
It’s time for a new contest, folks! I think that for now we've had plenty enough of serious discussions about very important subjects, such as oral techniques, male orgazms, vibrators and their highly satisfiable features. Let's have some ...
Well, actually, I suppose since you mention non-traditional uses for sex toys, I should tell you what I do with some of mine, and what I am doing with my glass dildos...

So I've noticed that many of the Icicles dildos are shaped like flowers, or pretty crystal swirls, or like the one with a heart on the end... you know, very whimsical, unconventional designs. Too pretty to keep stored in a drawer, if you ask me. And personally I've never been a fan of putting glass in my vagina as it's hard, I like something softer.

So I started decorating with glass dildos. I would put them in vases or on the night stand as paperweights. Then I came up with a completely brilliant idea.

I have an herb garden outside, and I just decided to start putting them out in the garden... not even a joke. I literally have started putting my glass dildos outside, in the garden, standing in the ground, as garden decorations. People that come to my home compliment me on the beautiful "crystal sculptures" I have decorating my herb garden.

They have no idea that they are dildos.
09/19/2016
Sugarfina Sugarfina
Quote:
Originally posted by PolyLove
Hm... Not funny, but definitely amusing if you aren't the one who spent the tons of money on the toys.

I had quite the collection a couple of years ago of high-end luxury toys. I have this bad habit of not putting my things up. And we had ...
Oh no, that's terrible! I hope you've found a good way to lock up your high end toys and accessories since then. I'm so sorry to hear about what's happened to them.
09/19/2016
TheToyGuy TheToyGuy
Quote:
Originally posted by Lena Eden
TheToyGuy, share the one (or a couple of?) you think is the funniest
I have been contemplating the best funny story I could think of. Being an Australian we take the funny and the horrid with a pinch of salt. Lots of things do happen that just are ridiculous.

So I mulled over the time I lost an anal plug up a girl and we spent two hours trying to safely get it back out with a set of kitchen tongs, a rubber glove and a bottle of cooking oil, or the moment when the end of a jelly dong broke off and began leaking a blood red dye everywhere (I will not bye those artistic water-filled toys EVER again). I even reminisced on the day another couple I was with accidentally dropped a cyber-skin dildo off the balcony of the hotel room we were in and it landed in the pool below causing everyone to go running down to get it.

But I figure the best story I have to share with you today is the time the clip on a strap-on harness got stuck and the wearer had to go home with the harness still on.

Yeah, I’ve never been one to shy away from things but pegging is just not my cup of tea.

I had been invited to a swinger’s night at a local dive; Linda, my partner at the time, was a very excitable, curvy blonde with a voracious appetite for new things. We fit perfectly.

We met up with a male couple straight off th bat and so Linda got out her strap-on leather harness, it was a generic corset-style vac-u-lock with one long comfort strap that went over and under her thighs and latched above her hip with a double snap quick release.

It had two built-in plugs (one for anal and one for vag) that supposedly added to the wearer’s pleasure. Real bitch to get into but apparently very comfortable once on. It could also come off in a moment’s notice via the quick release.

Seeing as the play was going to be pegging, we switched the customisable adaptor plug the harness usually had for a one piece rigid 7/8 inch ribbed prostate peg. The adaptor plug is great for general sex but dongs would generally slip off when pegging a guy. The rigid peg was fastened into the harness directly and would not move or slid off/out of the harness.

Linda played for a bit but after a while she got bored and wanted to switch the peg back to the plug, only the quick release would not come undone.

I looked it over and found the leather strap had been jammed, (the snap release was pulled fully back into the second snap causing both the latch together) and being as the harness was very form fitting, she could not slide it over her wide hips, especially not when both plugs were seated snugly inside of her.

So we asked for a knife to cut the leather strap but the place had nothing, not even a pair of bloody scissors. Linda was getting annoyed and so we asked around but no one had anything to cut it with and being made of leather it would not stretch or tear.

Fed up, we decided to call it a night and go home, only Linda had worn a summer dress to party.

So here she is in a summer dress with the tip of this rigid 7/8 inch peg sticking up between her legs pushing her dress out like a cock. Overall I thought it was funny looking and with both plugs in she had to cowboy walk bowlegged across the car park to the car.

To add insult to injury, I had had a few to many drinks so she had to drive home and on the way home we got pulled over by the cops for a random breath test. I could not stop laughing as here she was in the driver’s seat, legs spread wide, with the strap-on sticking straight up in her lap and no way to hide it.

The copper could not keep a straight face and Linda just ended up hiking up her dress to reveal the ridged strap on and not an erect cock.

I would bet money on it that the copper had joked later that he pulled over a woman carrying a concealed weapon.

We eventually got home and with a bit of time worked the latch open without cutting the leather strap, but even now Linda refuses to go out without taking a box knife with her.

It was a very funny and memorable night all in all.
09/20/2016
Lena Eden Lena Eden
Oh, my Gosh!

Super stories, guys! It's great that sex toys can bring so much fun to our lives

Any other amusing stories to share??
09/20/2016
DancerKittyKat DancerKittyKat
I keep my favorite sex toys in a toy box like the one below.

Photo Credit
Over the summer, while I was staying at my parents' house, my mother found the locked toy box and asked what was inside. I must have looked extremely flustered and blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "That's where I store my makeup." Last week, after I settled back in to college, I traveled with my parents to a dance competition where I needed to bring my makeup. For the sole purpose of avoiding suspicion from my parents, I emptied out my sex toys on the floor of my dorm room and neatly organized my makeup in the sex toy box. Unfortunately, the night I returned from the trip, there was a room inspection. To my horror, res life spotted my stash of toys strewn all over the floor. I am very thankful that they didn't comment on them, but I did get a few strange and knowing glances.
09/20/2016
OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
Quote:
Originally posted by TheToyGuy
I have been contemplating the best funny story I could think of. Being an Australian we take the funny and the horrid with a pinch of salt. Lots of things do happen that just are ridiculous.

So I mulled over the time I lost an anal plug up a ...
If only you took a pic......did you
09/20/2016
OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
Quote:
Originally posted by Lena Eden
It’s time for a new contest, folks! I think that for now we've had plenty enough of serious discussions about very important subjects, such as oral techniques, male orgazms, vibrators and their highly satisfiable features. Let's have some ...
This is a great prize. Adjustable dial control. OW used it last weekend with an accompanying dildo. Came a few times with them Then it was my turn.
09/20/2016
Sugarfina Sugarfina
Quote:
Originally posted by TheToyGuy
I have been contemplating the best funny story I could think of. Being an Australian we take the funny and the horrid with a pinch of salt. Lots of things do happen that just are ridiculous.

So I mulled over the time I lost an anal plug up a ...
I literally lol'd (laughed out loud) at the part about the dildo falling off the balcony into the pool. That's my favorite so far.
09/20/2016
TheToyGuy TheToyGuy
It's amazing how sex toys can lead to amusing situations.
09/20/2016
DancerKittyKat DancerKittyKat
Quote:
Originally posted by TheToyGuy
I have been contemplating the best funny story I could think of. Being an Australian we take the funny and the horrid with a pinch of salt. Lots of things do happen that just are ridiculous.

So I mulled over the time I lost an anal plug up a ...
Wow, that's a hilarious story! All of your stories are hilarious! I have to agree with Sugarfina, the dildo off the balcony does paint a great picture!
09/21/2016
sXeVegan90 sXeVegan90
These are all hilarious stories. I've personally never had anything 'funny' happen with sex toys while using them or otherwise. Not that I can think of/remember anyway.
09/21/2016
TheToyGuy TheToyGuy
Quote:
Originally posted by DancerKittyKat
Wow, that's a hilarious story! All of your stories are hilarious! I have to agree with Sugarfina, the dildo off the balcony does paint a great picture!
Well I should tell that whole story for you...
09/21/2016
DancerKittyKat DancerKittyKat
Quote:
Originally posted by TheToyGuy
Well I should tell that whole story for you...
Yes please! What's the whole story???
09/21/2016
TheToyGuy TheToyGuy
Quote:
Originally posted by DancerKittyKat
Yes please! What's the whole story???
I don't know this story may just be too risque for this forum...
09/22/2016
Lena Eden Lena Eden
Quote:
Originally posted by TheToyGuy
I don't know this story may just be too risque for this forum...
Do you really think so? Is it against our expectations of conduct?
09/22/2016
Heartthrob Heartthrob
Quote:
Originally posted by Lena Eden
It’s time for a new contest, folks! I think that for now we've had plenty enough of serious discussions about very important subjects, such as oral techniques, male orgazms, vibrators and their highly satisfiable features. Let's have some ...
I had the wonderful task of moving my collection of over 100 sex toys across country. I stuffed them into a box and just marked them E.F. praying the movers would not suspect. Once at the new house, they placed the box at the end of my walk in closet and sealed it off with tons of other boxes. Now I wanted my toys, so I found myself climbing over the boxes to get to them. Oh, did I mention they placed the box on the top shelf? Yup. I could just barely reach it and it fell spilling its contents which included porn all over the closet. I had cleaners coming in that day and I was desperately folding myself over boxes to get to the toys and porn and put them away. Then I heard something (Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz z) some of the toys in the box had been turned on! The box was literally vibrating and I could hardly reach it. A vibrating box is not a good thing for a housekeeper to see so I plunged my hand inside and tried to find the toys that had gone off. All bullets and all very hard to find. In the end, I was able to shove the box into a secure place but some of my toys and porn ended up tucked away in hampers because the cleaners had arrived!
09/22/2016
Sugarfina Sugarfina
Quote:
Originally posted by Heartthrob
I had the wonderful task of moving my collection of over 100 sex toys across country. I stuffed them into a box and just marked them E.F. praying the movers would not suspect. Once at the new house, they placed the box at the end of my walk in closet ...
This sounds like a similar experience I had years ago, but I dont remember as many details.
09/22/2016
OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
Quote:
Originally posted by Heartthrob
I had the wonderful task of moving my collection of over 100 sex toys across country. I stuffed them into a box and just marked them E.F. praying the movers would not suspect. Once at the new house, they placed the box at the end of my walk in closet ...
Oh, you poor thing. I emphasis with you.

So, did they hear the vibrating box? Or did you tell them to skip that room ?

My FF Cobra Libre gives me pain sometimes. As soon as I touch it comes on by itself. Anywhere I handle it, it comes on and starts vibrating. I guess it is happy to see me.
09/22/2016
OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
Quote:
Originally posted by TheToyGuy
I don't know this story may just be too risque for this forum...
plenty of popcorn in that box while we are waiting
09/22/2016
symbiasin symbiasin
I think I could write a novel about my lack of ability to either hide toys or remember they are out when someone visits. First of all I have very nosy children. They're grown and have this idea that taking care of me (no need) means they they think they
have the run of the house. They insisted on moving my stuff when I moved. I prepacked all my sex toys and related products, but to no avail. 1st of all my tall oldest son...everyone else is short, found a box where I keep a battery tester, stray batteries and CONDOMS. He put it in the back of a tall shelf, stood it on end to make it invisible to me. I found it after 2 months. My daughter in law was helping me make the bed and I forgot I had a rechargeable charging up on her side. Of course it was sex toy pink. It was covered with a cloth, but she uncovered the end to let me find out that she had found it. (meanie)
Then my daughter walked into my bathroom and I totally forgot I had 2 toys sitting out after washing to dry out. Hopefully she did not see.

The one that was embarrassing was when I called maintenance to see about a non working outlet. He called me into where the outlet was and he was dangling said same sex pink toy by the cord . but explaining about the outlet.

After looking at the other stories , these are mild, but embarrassing all the same. Anyone have a foolproof idea?
09/22/2016
Heartthrob Heartthrob
Quote:
Originally posted by OH&W, Lovebears
Oh, you poor thing. I emphasis with you.

So, did they hear the vibrating box? Or did you tell them to skip that room ?

My FF Cobra Libre gives me pain sometimes. As soon as I touch it comes on by itself. Anywhere I handle it, it ...
LOL no I got it turned off, but it came on again at other times.
09/23/2016
TheToyGuy TheToyGuy
Quote:
Originally posted by Lena Eden
Do you really think so? Is it against our expectations of conduct?
No I don't thinks so. he he he.

Well, if anyone has seen the tourism ads for the Gold Coast, Australia. Its multi-storey buildings (mostly hotels) facing white sandy beaches on the ocean.

I was having a lovely time with about six others in a swanky 3 bedroom suite two thirds of the way up a 40 story overlooking the beach.

Things were getting on, you know that sleepy/drunk period where you’ve had enough to get a buzz but not enough to make you want to crawl into bed but enough that your willing to try sex on the balcony.

Well a couple was doing just that and everyone was watching the spectacle from the comfort of the lounge.

Things start to get boring real fast as it is past midnight, the wind is freezing cold and the booze is having an impact on keeping an erection but the girls still want to get some and the guys want to provide so we cracked out a few toys.

The girl sitting next to me calls out to the guy on the balcony )who has just unsuccessfully tried to perform anal for the fifth time) and throws what looked like a $200, 11 inch, CyberSkin Superthick (the one without the balls) at the guy on the balcony as he was definitely in no shape to perform.

From that moment it was like slow-mo in my head.

There goes the dildo flying across the room out the glass siding door, the guy on the balcony has got his hands ready to catch and completely misses the damn thing as it hits the railing of the balcony and bounces off said railing, falling over the side.

Everyone just jumps up and runs onto the balcony.

We watch and it just falls, falls, falls directly into the pool below. Big splash that could be seen but hardly heard over the wind. Everyone looks at each other; the couple who had been playing on the balcony are just gobsmacked unsure WTF had just happened.

I look down, the pool is empty, (closed as it is past 10pm) and only the bluish edge lights are on.

Next second everyone is running for robes, clothes etc. Running out the room to the elevator and hitting the down button.

All seven of us crowd into the elevator. We hit no other floors, got to the pool level and rush over to find the gate locked. Still a bit groggy in the head we lift one of the girls over the gate and she runs around the edge of the pool till she finds it sitting on the bottom, damn smack in the middle.

Not wanting to get her robe wet she strips it off, butt naked, jumps in grabs the dildo off the bottom, swimming back to the side with the dildo in her mouth so she could use both arms.

Gets out, grabs her robe and we pull her still naked over the pool gate.

By now security has arrived and is polity reminding us that the pool closed at 10pm and that we should return to our room.

The girl, still sopping wet and naked, shoves the dildo at him and puts her robe on before taking it back all with a big smile.

He just turned around and left after that. So we went back to our room and thankfully had our key card for the door.

Everyone went to bed but no one ever forgot that most interesting mad dash to the pool.

God that was a weird but fun night. Since then I’ve never taken toys onto a balcony, just in case there is a repeat.

CyberSkin
09/23/2016
DancerKittyKat DancerKittyKat
Quote:
Originally posted by TheToyGuy
No I don't thinks so. he he he.

Well, if anyone has seen the tourism ads for the Gold Coast, Australia. Its multi-storey buildings (mostly hotels) facing white sandy beaches on the ocean.

I was having a lovely time with about six ...
Wow, that is a great story!
09/23/2016
OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
Quote:
Originally posted by TheToyGuy
No I don't thinks so. he he he.

Well, if anyone has seen the tourism ads for the Gold Coast, Australia. Its multi-storey buildings (mostly hotels) facing white sandy beaches on the ocean.

I was having a lovely time with about six ...
In your own words, "Hee-hee-hee"
09/23/2016
TheToyGuy TheToyGuy
Quote:
Originally posted by OH&W, Lovebears
In your own words, "Hee-hee-hee"
09/25/2016
symbiasin symbiasin
Quote:
Originally posted by DancerKittyKat
Wow, that is a great story!
That is one GREAT story! Put it in a journal so it's not lost!




09/26/2016
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Total posts: 60
Unique posters: 12