What do you find offensive?

Lately we've had several people contact us regarding terminology used in reviews.

Often, offensive terminology is used, not out of disrespect, but simply not being aware that some find certain slang or phrasing hurtful.

So, I thought, let's talk about it. I don't believe too many of us are particularly interested in offending people purposefully and would welcome the opportunity to learn. What better way to learn about particular terms that people find hurtful or offensive by starting a discussion in the forum where nobody is singled out or attacked?

Because this can be a particularly hot topic that stirs up what people are passionate about, I'd like to make a few suggestions:

1. Please do not reference a specific review you found offensive or a person who used an offending term. This is not meant to call anyone out or point fingers, but simply to educate. Generally specify the words or phrasing and perhaps explain a bit why you find it offensive. (Remember the internet is international and while the reason you find something offensive may seem obvious to you, it may not be even remotely familiar to someone from a different country or for whom your language is not their first language.)

2. Please do not argue with anyone who posts about something they find offensive. The point of this is to give people something to think about, not challenge or debate the legitimacy of the offense. less

I more often find myself in situations where I am reading a review (or even forum post) and seeing something that makes me think "Wow. That was kind of insensitive to a certain group of people," rather than "I personally feel offended and hurt by that." Maybe it's because I don't identify with many labels? For example, when I see someone using a derogatory term for homosexuals or transgendered individuals, I find it offensive on those individuals' behalves, not my own.

The things I find offensive, personally:

--"Made in China" listed as a con. I admit that I am SUPER biased in this, since it's a country (sort of) near and dear to my heart. I don't think that people realize that if it's shoddy worksmanship, it's not technically China's fault, it's the company's fault for being cheap. There are products made in China that don't contain lead or buttons that fall off... they're just less cheap to produce than the ones that do. Anyway, it's just indicative of a sweeping generalization--"All things made in China are crap"--that I find offensive. Not just because I disagree with it, but because it feels like an ignorant, arrogant, statement.

--Insensitivity towards less-curvy women. This doesn't make me mad, it just makes me sad. Even though hormonal birth control may have supplied me with slight curves that I'm not genetically entitled to, I still feel like a skinny, flat-chested woman inside. When I review something that's meant to be worn, whether it be lingerie or a harness, I try to include all body types into my review. I steer clear away from terms that favor one body type over the other. So when I see a review (or article or post) that suggests that curvier women are more desirable because only their bodies are realistically proportioned, I feel like I'm being called an anorexic, underfed, stick person.

Soooo not much, really. More often, what I find offensive is actual behavior on the site. Someone will give criticism on a review, and the reviewer will be so incensed at this criticism that the reviewer will proceed to yell at the voter, privately or publicly, until the voter either apologizes or ignores the complaints. This particularly annoys me when the reviewers themselves take pride in being critical voters. When questioned about their critical votes, they will claim that they're helping the reviewer grow. That's very good, but when these critical reviewers receives critical votes? They hound the voters down. Double standard much?

Of course, there are critical voters out there who can give AND receive critical votes and comments courteously. For these members of the community, I am thankful.

Finally, bullying of newer reviewers. This never happened to me. When I was new, the more experienced members of the site were great to me. I felt guided; I felt mentored. Now, however, I'm seeing a rise in disrespectful behavior from the veterans to the newbies. Not every newbie is a bad reviewer--we should be helping them out, not shouting them down! less

I have found two things offensive on the site. The first is the mention of rape in reviews. I have seen a few reviews where the toy was used in what the reviewer called rape. Rape is not something that needs to be glamorized. Playful forced sex in a fantasy? Sure, but rape is a strong word and should not be used at any time.

Second, I have seen more than one review which talks about minors receiving toys. This is a disturbing new trend for me. You have to be at least 18 years old to review on this site and so, I feel it is inappropriate to mention minors using the products unless you mention that it is so quiet your children won't hear.

These are the only two things which I have found offensive. less