The New Intimacy

Hypothetical question: Reation if you found out your son had sex toys?

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Contributor: Alt Alt
I am curious, what do you think your reaction would be if you found your son (assuming you have a boy) had multiple toys (include ones obviously for anal play):
Lets say you found a box with a glass buttplug, metal dildo, a vibrator for example. And say he is around age 17 or 18 (Because I remember my first toys I got online, I was around 17)

By your reaction, I guess I mean:
Do you think you would be shocked, mad, happy, disappointed, or any other emotion?
Would you assume he is gay or bi?
Would you want to talk to him about them, and if so what kind of questions do you think you would ask?
What would you do if he is too embarrassed to talk about it?
Would you want to pretend like you didn't know about them?
Would you tell your husband/wife/partner or your friends?


Thanks for your responses.
07/29/2009
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Contributor: Alan & Michele Alan & Michele
Quote:
Originally posted by Alt
I am curious, what do you think your reaction would be if you found your son (assuming you have a boy) had multiple toys (include ones obviously for anal play):
Lets say you found a box with a glass buttplug, metal dildo, a vibrator for example. ... more
This actually did happen to us when our son was around 16 or 17 (he's over 20 now). Alan thought it was amusing, because up until then we'd been *real* careful to keep all of our own toys hidden, so he thought it funny to find out that the kid had some. I was a bit relieved, because I figured he couldn't get AIDS off of solo play, nor would he be getting anyone pregnant.

I don't think it ever occurred to either one of us to question his sexual orientation after the discovery, but then again we've really never cared if he was bi or whatever. That's his personal choice.

We actually did bring up the subject of toys to him in a round about way some months later, when Alan dropped some ribald remark about some sort of wank device his friends had told him about. It turned into a bit of a joking session, and our son joined right in. He was a bit tentative at first, but once he figured out that we didn't have any problem with it, all was good. Since then, I know he and his dad have traded notes on their various favorite toys.
07/29/2009
Contributor: Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
I know I would be surprised (nobody really thinks about their family members doing anything sexual), and I'd be a little freaked out if I'd accidentally touched it. (That whole, "Oh God, his penis has been in this, oh no!" thing.) But honestly, I really wouldn't care, unless he had something unsafe.
07/29/2009
Contributor: Oggins Oggins
I'd be surprised a little maybe but nothing over the top. I'd even maybe be happy that they were exploring their bodies. I'd make absolutely no assumptions about their sexual orientation whatsoever though. I would try to talk to them to make sure they were playing safe and if they didn't want to talk to me because "they" were too embarrassed to talk to me, I'd buy them a book to read and let them know that I was there in case they had any questions. I'd just really try to be supportive in any way that I could!
07/30/2009
Contributor: Valyn Valyn
Quote:
Originally posted by Backseat Boohoo
I know I would be surprised (nobody really thinks about their family members doing anything sexual), and I'd be a little freaked out if I'd accidentally touched it. (That whole, "Oh God, his penis has been in this, oh no!" thing.) ... more
I agree with this.. it's hard to think of my parents having sex, much less my (potential) children.

Honestly, I think I'd be a little relieved. There's not much safer than toys and solo play. I think it'd be about the right time to open up to him about reviewing toys, and see if can get him to open up about his thoughts on sex, sex toys, orientation, etc.

I'd most likely mention it to my husband, and if he was too embarrassed to talk about it with me, then maybe he'd tell my husband about it.

If he really just couldn't talk about it, I'd still open up to him a little about myself: reviewing toys, using them, that they're safe, etc.. and I'd make sure to slip a box of condoms in his room with a note to always be safe!

Hopefully, if I ever have children, I can be very open and honest with them about all aspects of my life. We need more knowledge around, and being more informed on something as potentially dangerous as sex, the more info, the better.. even if it may seem like tmi.
07/30/2009
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
I would be amused. I would probably want to know all the things he has to make sure he is getting the products that are really most worth it and safe.

If he had anal toys I wouldn't by any chance question his sexuality. Just bcs a man enjoys anal stimulation doesn't mean he is gay or bi. Even if he were it wouldn't change anything for me, I would love him no matter who he loved and was attracted to. If anything it would probably bring us closer together bcs some people still do not accept various expressions of sexuality and he might need extra support from his family in any case he would experience discrimination.

If he was too emberassed about his toys I wouldnt push it. I don't think I would talk about it with my partner bcs if I found out by accident it is probably not a good idea to share info with someone else if my son would want it to be kept a secret. I would let him bring it up on his own or casually and impersonally talk about it the way Alan and Michelle did.

I wouldnt pretend to not know about the toys but I wouldnt talk about it (if he were shy) unless he brought it up.
07/31/2009
Contributor: Mp4 Mp4
I'd be happy that he's curious enough to try new things. I would probably consider him to be at least BI but who knows. I may or may not find a way of showing that I'm okay with him having them but wouldn't talk to him directly(unless he wanted to).

My dad found a bunch of my anal toys when I was 16/17. I was super embarrassed, he was mad and it made for a few awkward months. It did finally spark a conversation where he learned I was gay which is a whole separate story. I guess he handled it about as I would have expected.
10/02/2009
Contributor: Sir Sir
I wouldn't tell my partner, but I'd speak to my child about it. Honestly, I wouldn't treat either a son or daughter any differently. If either one uses sex toys, I'd treat it the same.

How I'd treat it though, I would feel embarrassed or weird by it, since that's a bit stupid to feel that way about something on this topic, but I would get angry if they were using them with another person without telling my partner and me, in other words, having sexual intercourse without consulting us first. Aside from that, there's nothing wrong with them (unless they're too expensive, unsafe, used incorrectly, etc.) I'd also only be annoyed if they stole our things to use. Those are mummy and Daddy's, not children's.
10/02/2009
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by Sir
I wouldn't tell my partner, but I'd speak to my child about it. Honestly, I wouldn't treat either a son or daughter any differently. If either one uses sex toys, I'd treat it the same.

How I'd treat it though, I would ... more
I wouldn't feel embarrassed*** Excuse me.
10/02/2009
Contributor: EffinSara EffinSara
I'd make sure he was using safe, high-quality toys. If he wasn't I'd replace his for him. Then I'd give him a high-five for being comfortable enough with his body to use toys (Ew, mom, you're being awkward!) and then never, ever bring it up again.
10/27/2009
Contributor: Alt Alt
Quote:
Originally posted by EffinSara
I'd make sure he was using safe, high-quality toys. If he wasn't I'd replace his for him. Then I'd give him a high-five for being comfortable enough with his body to use toys (Ew, mom, you're being awkward!) and then never, ever bring it up again.
Sounds like everyone here wouldn't mind at all.
Some very interesting replys.

@Sara
That is a good point about using safe (and HQ) toys, because I know certainly I used objects that were not safe, before toys.
10/27/2009
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
I don't have kids, but this is a good "what if".

If I found out my son had a box of sex toys, first I'd wonder where he got the money for them. If there were obviously anal toys...eh. Sex and sexuality aren't mutually exclusive in my book; a guy can enjoy p-stimulation w/o being gay.

I'd also be very relieved that he is comfortable...what most people said above.
10/28/2009
Contributor: VenusFaery VenusFaery
Good questions My son is too young for any of this yet (he's 3 lol) but as a family we're open about sexuality and pretty sex positive.I like to think if I found such a stash in my son's room I'd handle it with grace. If his stash were in a cardboard box, I'd probably buy him a nice, locking toy box, some sex toy wipes and probably include a gift card to a good toy store.

I would be happy that he is exploring his sexuality in a healthy way, and yes, I would bring it up to him, but in a non judgmental way, touch base and make sure he's practicing safe sex if he has a partner (or partners), remind him he can come to either me or his dad if he wants to talk, needs condoms, etc. I know this seems pretty casual, but that's how we are. We're not the type to family to have "THE talk" in regards to sex/fertility/relation ships, with us it's a on-going dialogue. Even now with our kids (5 & 3) we have an open discussion with age-appropriate themes, one of my daughter's favorite books to casually browse is "It's not the Stork". When my daughter found a couple of my toys she wanted to know what they were, I explained those are mama's big girl toys and when she was old enough I would explain further, she asked if she could have big girl toys when she's older "Yep, when you're old enough."

Would I assume her were gay or bi? Generally I assume everyone is bi until they tell me differently, and this especially extends to my kids. I'd probably be pretty surprised if both my children ended up straight since most of our family is bi (me, hubby, my mom, my sister, you get the idea).

I would tell my husband about it, in case my son went to dad instead of me with questions, better to be prepared than stumble into an awkward moment. If my son was embarrassed to talk about it,I'd simply state that masturbation is healthy, toys are fun, and if he ever needs anything or someone to talk to, his dad and I are there. The same would go for my daughter.
11/14/2009
Contributor: Alt Alt
Quote:
Originally posted by VenusFaery
Good questions My son is too young for any of this yet (he's 3 lol) but as a family we're open about sexuality and pretty sex positive.I like to think if I found such a stash in my son's room I'd handle it with grace. If his stash ... more
That is a great way to put everything. It's also really cool that you can be so open about everything.

That's really funny about that bisexuality almost like running in the family .
I wish I was bi because there would be so many more options, but unfortunately I have a big mental block there.

Anyway, thank you very much for explaining your view =)
11/15/2009
Contributor: acessorie acessorie
I would keep it to myself and keep an open mind at that age they are near adults so its their body.
08/25/2011