The New Intimacy

My wife says its gay to want anal play.

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Contributor: wrock wrock
Ok I am lost now. We were talking the other night and it came up that I wouldnt mind her playing around back there and she says to me eww no that makes you gay. Yet its not gay for us to swap cum hers or mine in a kiss. Now I am not sure if she was joking and I dont rly wana push the issue but she has played with my ass with her finger. So now I am lost we have done it but when we talk about it it makes me gay to her yet if we dont talk about and she just does it like if shes going down on me its ok?


Any adivice on how to open this talk without it seeming overly important. Its not a big deal for me one way or the other so it might be best to just drop it and see what happens. I am just open to tring new things and I am not talking about her tossing on a strap on and going to town but it felt rly good when she was going down and stuck a finger in there something I wound mind being repeated.
12/28/2010
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Contributor: ToyGeek ToyGeek
a) things feel good for specific biological reasons, and that does not make anyone gay

b) being gay isn't something to go 'ew' over!

c) communication is really important in a relationship

It sounds like your wife might not understand why guys like prostate stimulation, so perhaps you need to explain it to her, or perhaps show her some information online which explains it. There's a whole forum section on the topic here at EF. Since I'm not a guy, I can't really be more helpful. Good luck!
12/28/2010
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGeek
a) things feel good for specific biological reasons, and that does not make anyone gay

b) being gay isn't something to go 'ew' over!

c) communication is really important in a relationship

It sounds like your wife ... more
Ummmm.... what she ^^^ said... AND

To be gay, you have to like sex with the same sex. It has nothing to do with what feels good sexually.

For example:

Wanting a woman, that you enjoy having sex with, to put a finger (or plug, or vibe, or dildo) in your ass means you like things in your ass AND women.

vs.

Wanting a man, that you enjoy having sex with, to put something in your ass means that you like things in your ass AND men.

Women like stuff in their asses too, that doesn't make them a gay man.

What century is this?
12/28/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
Ummmm.... what she ^^^ said... AND

To be gay, you have to like sex with the same sex. It has nothing to do with what feels good sexually.

For example:

Wanting a woman, that you enjoy having sex with, to put a finger (or ... more
Is she not a woman? Do you not want to do this anal play with HER? You are hopelessly heterosexual my man! it's good advice to show her some of the articles about the health benefits of prostate stimulation. Or play by yourself! There are many many toys here for that.
12/28/2010
Contributor: Darling Jen Darling Jen
All three of them gave great advice! No, it doesn't make you gay. And I'm glad you already know this and don't have any funny/ridiculous fear about it. It's just something that feels good and you'd like to think that you can be honest, open, and experimental with the person you shared vows with.

Mostly it sounds like she's afraid. Either she's just afraid of trying something new, or it's the fact that it's a social taboo and society has created this aura of deviance around it, or it's really about her being afraid you'll like it "too" much and she honest to god thinks it'll turn you gay. But at least that last issue is easy to deal with because that's ridiculous. Your orientation and preference were part of you WAY before trying new things in the bedroom and nothing will change who you are.

Maybe just some talking and reassurance can help you communicate with her more openly and freely. Try to get to the bottom of what's really freaking her out about it and work it out. It'll make you both feel emotionally better, which will make sex (whether or not it includes anal) feel MUCH better! Win win situation.
12/28/2010
Contributor: UnknownGirl UnknownGirl
The above posters have all given great advice. I'm just amazed by how close-minded people can be, though.
12/28/2010
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
Assure her that this is something you want to do with HER and ONLY HER. Depending on what kind of play you're doing try to find a way to enhance/showcase her femininity while you're doing it - there are ways to do this for just about everything, including strapon pegging. Lastly, assure her that enjoying anal play is no more likely to make you gay than enjoying oral will make her gay/lesbian.
12/29/2010