Toy as a gift for a recently widowed friend?

Contributor: PurpleDragonLady PurpleDragonLady
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
One of my closest friends was recently widowed (lung cancer, horrible.) We have been friends for ages and I know she has a high sex drive, I also know her man and she hadn't had sex in a long time, due to him being so sick.

I would love to ... more
Personally, I would invite her to go shopping with me, gauge her reaction to various items, and maybe offer a gift... or gift card, if she's not ready.
01/25/2011
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by PurpleDragonLady
Personally, I would invite her to go shopping with me, gauge her reaction to various items, and maybe offer a gift... or gift card, if she's not ready.
I love this idea!
01/25/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Sapphire Pet
I'm a widow also and I think if one of my friends had given me something like this only a few weeks after my husband died it would have just reminded me that he was gone. A gift card is a great idea because when she's ready then she can get ... more
Thank you, Sapphire (and everybody else.) You have a unique perspective on this. Please accept my condolences, as you know what my friend is going through more than anyone else I have spoken to. My mother and MIL are widows, but they are women in their 70s, my friend is younger. I think it does make a difference, and you know how difficult it is, when in a D/s relationship. You come to expect him not just to be there for you, but to really really take care of you. (My Man and I are D/s and I would just collapse if anything happened to him. This hit so close to home. Both My Man and I are devastated. This man was, really, like a big brother and almost a mentor to him. Not to mention one of his two close friends. It has hit him hard. He said to me, while crying, "Jeez, P'Gell, who am I gonna bitch and moan about our women with? Nobody understands like ____.)

I know better than to "tell her to get over it and move on or stop being emo or anything else" I'm the one telling her, "It's OK to not be "strong" if you feel like you don't want to." All these people from her church are going on about "stay strong for your son" "It's so good that you are so strong." She fucking SICK of "being strong" and she told me as much, when I told her "It's OK to feel bad, and mourn for him. Take your time."

Neither she nor he wanted a funeral or wake. They had a direct cremation and just had a Memorial at his Lodge last weekend. It was bittersweet. There were so many people there, and of course, she was running around like a chicken with no head. I kept trying to get her to sit down, and she just kept going, until she sat down with our family. Her son and his GF sat with us, and I think he's really latching on to My Man more now. I keep asking him, nicely, to see what he can do for the boy. He's 18 and on the cusp of manhood and really will need guidance. I think a man similar to his dad, like My Man is really helpful. The boy is angry, as is normal.

Thank you all for your help and caring.

I'm putting the whole idea of a "gift" on hold for now. I'm going to call her tonight and just chat and check in with her. I have decided to wait on the gift. She's just not emotionally ready, IMO.

Thank you all so much. This has been difficult for everyone in our circle of people.
01/26/2011
Contributor: Darling Jen Darling Jen
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Thank you, Sapphire (and everybody else.) You have a unique perspective on this. Please accept my condolences, as you know what my friend is going through more than anyone else I have spoken to. My mother and MIL are widows, but they are women in ... more
*send barrels full of love your way, your family's way, and most of all her family's way*
01/26/2011
Contributor: Fuck it. Fuck it.
I'm glad you chose to talk to her first. It seemed too early for me when you posted that.
02/28/2011
Contributor: big b big b
talk, tell her how you enjoy them first
06/25/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
It's off the table, now. I've decided to really wait a while, if at all. She's in a lot of exhaustion causing activities to prolong the denial as long as possible. It's very sad.

It's not something I am going to approach any time soon. When someone says everything's "fine" all the time, and you know it isn't, it's hard to talk about anything, much less something like this.

She has to handle it her way, though, I guess.
06/26/2011
Contributor: Darling Jen Darling Jen
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
It's off the table, now. I've decided to really wait a while, if at all. She's in a lot of exhaustion causing activities to prolong the denial as long as possible. It's very sad.

It's not something I am going to approach ... more
Aw, it's understandable. But I know it must be so hard to watch a friend go through that. But at least she has a good friend like you for support.
06/26/2011
Contributor: Kdlips Kdlips
No don't do it give it some time
06/26/2011
Contributor: SexyLilPixi SexyLilPixi
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
It's off the table, now. I've decided to really wait a while, if at all. She's in a lot of exhaustion causing activities to prolong the denial as long as possible. It's very sad.

It's not something I am going to approach ... more
Much love. The whole situation is beyond difficult.
06/26/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by SexyLilPixi
Much love. The whole situation is beyond difficult.
Thanks. We hung out today, she has ups and downs. It's really really hard sometimes. I said something today about cigarettes and cancer, without thinking, and wanted to KICK myself in the ass. *sigh* We're good friends, I didn't even realize I said something until it came out of my mouth.
06/27/2011
Contributor: samanthalynn samanthalynn
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
One of my closest friends was recently widowed (lung cancer, horrible.) We have been friends for ages and I know she has a high sex drive, I also know her man and she hadn't had sex in a long time, due to him being so sick.

I would love to ... more
Talk to the woman
03/06/2012
Contributor: Caus Caus
I'd go with a gift card versus a toy. That might be a bit too much for 'er.
03/12/2012
Contributor: tinadice tinadice
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
One of my closest friends was recently widowed (lung cancer, horrible.) We have been friends for ages and I know she has a high sex drive, I also know her man and she hadn't had sex in a long time, due to him being so sick.

I would love to ... more
I would say to talk to her
03/16/2012
Contributor: gloomybear gloomybear
i think its a good idea but it may be too soon
03/17/2012
Contributor: BlooJay BlooJay
Wait
03/17/2012
Contributor: mistressg mistressg
Quote:
Originally posted by PussyGalore
Convert some of your points for a gift card or purchase a gift card? I think the sentiment would be appreciated but as you very well know, each toy is different for each person. I think it would be a bit of a bummer on top of a tragedy for her to get ... more
I think a gift car is a good idea, but I also this a few weeks is too soon. However, I am sure you know your friend well enough after years of friendship. I think talking to her about it would be a good idea.
03/18/2012
Contributor: Azule Azule
I would probably wait since it just seems a little inapt for me, but everyone I guess recovers differently.
04/02/2012
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
This happened well over a year ago. I already made my decision about 12 months ago to let her come to me if she needs anything like this.

Thank you all for your caring responses.
04/02/2012
Contributor: Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
This happened well over a year ago. I already made my decision about 12 months ago to let her come to me if she needs anything like this.

Thank you all for your caring responses.
Maybe the poll should be closed?

eta: So that a vote won't put it back at the top of the discussion list.
04/03/2012
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Petite Valentine
Maybe the poll should be closed?

eta: So that a vote won't put it back at the top of the discussion list.
Thank you! For some reason, I forgot that was an option with older polls. The poll was created before we could put time on polls.

I closed it. Thanks for the suggestion. I appreciate it.
04/03/2012