I just want to ask you guys for your opinions and any advice on this. Is it too dysfunctional for a 21 year old woman to be with a 48 year old man?
Is this age difference too large?
07/07/2013
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It depends on what you want out of the relationship. A short term thing where the younger person wants to learn and the older wants to teach? Go for it. A committed thing where they move into the same house? I would be very suspicious, because usually a 21-year-old can't earn enough money to be an equal partner in the relationship, and things would feel unbalanced.
That's just my thought, though.
That's just my thought, though.
07/07/2013
When you are young you can date and mess around with anybody because you are just having fun. Now if you only date guys way older than you that is a concern but dating a few older guys, whatever.
Now having a long term relationship with someone +27 years, that is a bad idea. It's a mistake, I wouldn't call it dysfunctional.
Now having a long term relationship with someone +27 years, that is a bad idea. It's a mistake, I wouldn't call it dysfunctional.
07/07/2013
Quote:
What makes the long-term relationship a mistake (but messing around for a little while is okay)?
Originally posted by
Fluke
When you are young you can date and mess around with anybody because you are just having fun. Now if you only date guys way older than you that is a concern but dating a few older guys, whatever.
Now having a long term relationship with ... more
Now having a long term relationship with ... more
When you are young you can date and mess around with anybody because you are just having fun. Now if you only date guys way older than you that is a concern but dating a few older guys, whatever.
Now having a long term relationship with someone +27 years, that is a bad idea. It's a mistake, I wouldn't call it dysfunctional. less
Now having a long term relationship with someone +27 years, that is a bad idea. It's a mistake, I wouldn't call it dysfunctional. less
07/08/2013
A twenty-seven year age gap would be a difficult relationship mainly because there's just more life experience at play so she would have to either be really intelligent to keep his attention or be vapid enough to be a damsel in distress at every turn...either way, as long as he isn't cheating her out of life experiences and she's not using him for his money there are ways it can work.
That being said, it's highly unlikely they will stay together in the long run. There are a ton of things at play - personalities, wants, desires, life goals...last on that list is money. (Most guys who go for younger girls couldn't care less how much money they're able to bring in, in fact they most likely would prefer she never work at all).
There's a large age difference between my husband and myself, but we've been together for over a decade and we're still going strong. Hell, we spend 24/7 with each other and we still like each other. So, there's always a chance!
That being said, it's highly unlikely they will stay together in the long run. There are a ton of things at play - personalities, wants, desires, life goals...last on that list is money. (Most guys who go for younger girls couldn't care less how much money they're able to bring in, in fact they most likely would prefer she never work at all).
There's a large age difference between my husband and myself, but we've been together for over a decade and we're still going strong. Hell, we spend 24/7 with each other and we still like each other. So, there's always a chance!
07/08/2013
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Yes.. to a point. Most women mature before men. I am in my 40's and I know that women in there early 20's really have not expereicned life. They need to go out and find themselves. Just my opinion. However you might be different and it works for you. Not all advise is good. Take what you can apply to your circumstance and move on..
Originally posted by
chibi1091
I just want to ask you guys for your opinions and any advice on this. Is it too dysfunctional for a 21 year old woman to be with a 48 year old man?
I think it woudl go for both men and women of that age. I see men like my nephews and the way they act 35 is might change them, I hope. Things are different.
Good luck, love just so you has no age.
07/08/2013
Quote:
For the reasons you listed, as you said it is unlikely it will be long lasting. It is common for a girl to get sick of guys their own age and search for a mature older guy...and then they figure out that situation has its own set of problems.
Originally posted by
Ansley
What makes the long-term relationship a mistake (but messing around for a little while is okay)?
A very few rare people make it work but mostly it wasn't a good idea. Maybe learning experience is a better word than mistake, if it worked out for you I think that's great, not a mistake.
07/08/2013
Age shouldn't matter.
07/08/2013
Age is just a number.
However for me, I have always stayed within a two year gap, nothing more, weather it's younger or older, but that's just my preference. My husband is two years younger than I am.
It all depends on what the two are looking for in a relationship and if they can make it work or not. I think anything over a 10 year gap is just not going to work only because different ages are looking for different things and experience can sometimes take a toll also.
However for me, I have always stayed within a two year gap, nothing more, weather it's younger or older, but that's just my preference. My husband is two years younger than I am.
It all depends on what the two are looking for in a relationship and if they can make it work or not. I think anything over a 10 year gap is just not going to work only because different ages are looking for different things and experience can sometimes take a toll also.
07/10/2013
Droopy
This is my current status, I am 46 she is 21. We are not in a committed relationship. We tried that and it failed horribly. What we do have is in the most vanilla terms is a very special friendship. We do everything together. If you saw us together, you would think there is a loving relationship. My role is to assist her with life. I use my age to help gently guide her away from making life mistakes. I will not stop her from doing so tho. Her role is to be just young. I enjoy and thrive on her energy.
Since we have taken a step back from the full blown relationship, We have certain rules in place. Mostly to keep me under control.
I have always been attracted to younger. But at almost 25 years, it is a bit much. In public I have been called her father more times than I can count. We laugh it off mainly because the mainstream public can't handle the age gap. Of course my male friends love it. Female friends hate it. They see her as a gold digger or a game player.
If you both want this to work, It takes a lot of work on both parties. As I said we worked out rules. One important rule is she has no restriction on her social life. She does whatever she wants with friends. I trust her completely. Sometimes we talk about her plans before, she always lets me know what she did after.
It can work well, I am biased tho. Just always remember. As much as he can change your life (good or bad) you do the same. Have fun with it. Have a thick skin and enjoy your time together.
Since we have taken a step back from the full blown relationship, We have certain rules in place. Mostly to keep me under control.
I have always been attracted to younger. But at almost 25 years, it is a bit much. In public I have been called her father more times than I can count. We laugh it off mainly because the mainstream public can't handle the age gap. Of course my male friends love it. Female friends hate it. They see her as a gold digger or a game player.
If you both want this to work, It takes a lot of work on both parties. As I said we worked out rules. One important rule is she has no restriction on her social life. She does whatever she wants with friends. I trust her completely. Sometimes we talk about her plans before, she always lets me know what she did after.
It can work well, I am biased tho. Just always remember. As much as he can change your life (good or bad) you do the same. Have fun with it. Have a thick skin and enjoy your time together.
07/12/2013
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Well it really depends on how compatible you are together. If you really mesh then it should not be a problem. You might find judgement from others but that's really a problem with them not you or your partner. Now, if you find that you argue due to age related issues, then the age difference may be a problem.
Originally posted by
chibi1091
I just want to ask you guys for your opinions and any advice on this. Is it too dysfunctional for a 21 year old woman to be with a 48 year old man?
07/12/2013
depends on the maturity level of each and the personality mixed with what they want out of life.
07/12/2013
It really depends on the individuals. I know people who are in their 40's but are surprisingly immature, and those in their 20's who are quite mature. When I was 22, a lot of coworkers thought I was 30+ because I have never "acted my age".
07/12/2013
I think that it isn't so much the number but the maturity level of the people involved, so it is really something that you have to judge on a case by case basis.
07/23/2013
If your hearts are both in it then it shouldnt matter.
07/28/2013
It all depends on the people. I've been with a guy 12 years older than me and it worked out well until he became an ass. It didn't matter to me that he had a kid and past wives. As long as both are mature adults and consenting then its just a number.
08/07/2013
Quote:
None if you are okay with it
Originally posted by
chibi1091
I just want to ask you guys for your opinions and any advice on this. Is it too dysfunctional for a 21 year old woman to be with a 48 year old man?
08/16/2013
Quote:
that is true
Originally posted by
Antipova
It depends on what you want out of the relationship. A short term thing where the younger person wants to learn and the older wants to teach? Go for it. A committed thing where they move into the same house? I would be very suspicious, because
...
more
It depends on what you want out of the relationship. A short term thing where the younger person wants to learn and the older wants to teach? Go for it. A committed thing where they move into the same house? I would be very suspicious, because usually a 21-year-old can't earn enough money to be an equal partner in the relationship, and things would feel unbalanced.
That's just my thought, though. less
That's just my thought, though. less
08/16/2013
Quote:
if you're happy, why does it matter?
Originally posted by
chibi1091
I just want to ask you guys for your opinions and any advice on this. Is it too dysfunctional for a 21 year old woman to be with a 48 year old man?
08/16/2013
Quote:
age is just a number
Originally posted by
chibi1091
I just want to ask you guys for your opinions and any advice on this. Is it too dysfunctional for a 21 year old woman to be with a 48 year old man?
08/16/2013
Quote:
that is so true
Originally posted by
libbyv
if you're happy, why does it matter?
08/16/2013
Quote:
that is so true
Originally posted by
gorgeous
It all depends on the people. I've been with a guy 12 years older than me and it worked out well until he became an ass. It didn't matter to me that he had a kid and past wives. As long as both are mature adults and consenting then its just a number.
08/16/2013
Quote:
a balance relationship is very important
Originally posted by
Antipova
It depends on what you want out of the relationship. A short term thing where the younger person wants to learn and the older wants to teach? Go for it. A committed thing where they move into the same house? I would be very suspicious, because
...
more
It depends on what you want out of the relationship. A short term thing where the younger person wants to learn and the older wants to teach? Go for it. A committed thing where they move into the same house? I would be very suspicious, because usually a 21-year-old can't earn enough money to be an equal partner in the relationship, and things would feel unbalanced.
That's just my thought, though. less
That's just my thought, though. less
08/16/2013
Depends on how you feel. If you both are fine with it and there is nothing negatively impacting your relationship...go for it.
08/19/2013
No, if it's consentual, it's great. As long as it is what makes you both happy, go for what you want. Society can feel whatever it feels, but it's your life.
10/15/2013
Age doesn't matter in my book, if the person you're with is actually of legal age do whatever you want. HOWEVER- when you get like 10-20 years or more between two people there is a big culture gap, so I don't think that it'd be great for the relationship. Example: they're using record players and cassette tapes while you have the newest iphone with a laptop as thin as paper. Put simply I think it'd be hard to find much to you would agree on. Who knows til' you try but I imagine there would just be too much difference in beliefs and thought processes.
10/16/2013
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I agree with the theme - it depends where you both are in your lives, the expectations you set, and what you are looking for!
Originally posted by
chibi1091
I just want to ask you guys for your opinions and any advice on this. Is it too dysfunctional for a 21 year old woman to be with a 48 year old man?
11/07/2013
of course it depends on the people and power balance involved, but i wouldnt say theres anything inherent about the situation that would lend itself to ruin.
11/14/2013
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Sorry. I am in the minority...again. However, let's take the fact that a 21 year old and a 48 year old share no common frames of social reference. Two different generations (a generation being usually 20 to 25 years). That can and usually will lead to issues. Take another step. For the 48 year old guy it's "wow, look what I've got". But for the 21 year old, let's face it, this fellow could be your dad (if not older). Think about that. Now, let's take it out fifteen years. He is 63. Collecting social security. You are 36 and in your prime. When you are ready to really cut loose and explore the world as a confidant adult woman, are you ready to be pushing his wheelchair around while you do it? (NO...I am not saying 63 is wheelchair bound and old age senile...in all cases. What I am saying is that 63, no matter how you paint it, is OLD). Sorry, facts are facts. I am way too close to that age (far closer to 63 then to 21) so I can call a fact a fact.
Originally posted by
chibi1091
I just want to ask you guys for your opinions and any advice on this. Is it too dysfunctional for a 21 year old woman to be with a 48 year old man?
Finally, let's talk about the reality that at 21 your brain and judgment are not even fully developed yet (argue all you want, but take this up with multiple neurologists and psychologists, like those at MIT, who contend that until the mid 20's...usually about 25, do we have fully developed decision and cognitive function. Thus, even your judgment on the matter may be deceptive and lead you down a path you will regret in a few years.
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Mind you, when I was younger, I might have responded "oh, so long as they love each other, and understand the issues...etc.". However, years of experience and seeing so many relationships of friends, colleges, and associates crash and burn, have taught me a thing or two about what seems to work in life...and what doesn't. Sure, every relationship is unique and nothing applies every time, but in general, I would say that this was a "not ideal" match up. Maybe not quite "dysfunctional", but not "functional" either.
Either way, good luck to you both.
12/10/2013
Total posts: 29
Unique posters: 23