Boyfriend has little to no sex drive!! What do I do?? Guys please help..

So we have been "together" for about 3 months.... the first 2 times we f*cked (both times were in a 3 day time frame) it was amazing lasted a long time several positions it was great!! Then after that sex was rare and i had to be on top or he wouldnt have sex with me..... i had to innitiate it and even some of the times id get him going he would turn his back to me and go to sleep.... I am SOOOOO CONFUSED!!! This is the first time in my life i have ever met a guy (hes 23 im 25) who has seemingly NO sex drive!!! we went 23 days with out sex... to me thats unacceptable especially for us being new to this relationship.... Over the last 2 weeks he now wont even put his hand on me in bed or snuggle or even look at me!! he wont kiss me NOTHING like he is afraid of turning me on.... its f*cked!!! 2 nights ago in bed i turned to him and stared at him and he looked at me as asked what i wanted i told him you know what i want and he sighed then a few minutes later he got up and left.... he made sure he didnt come back until i was asleep.....
oh and he is willing to accept a bj anytime....
So guys have any of you ever been like this?? I absolutley love this guy and realllly want us to work out the only thing i cannot stand about him is this sh*t and its only because he is being selfish and disresptectful about it.
Oh and he is always telling me im beautiful and attractive and he loves the sex.... but i honestly dont believe him... everytime he ignores me or shoots me down i feel like im disgusting and thats why he doesnt want to have sex with me.... though he sex his lack has nothing to do with me. less

last sentenence was supposed to read "though he says his lack has nothing to do with me" also i asked him about this before and if this is just how he is or if it is something else and he couldnt give me an answer..... Oh and he is uncircumsized.... (my first time with an uncut man so i dont know if it has anything to do with it) less

well all I can say here is that being uncut has nothing to do with it. I am uncircumcised and I have a very active sex drive. Everyone can have periods in their life where they can be distracted from sex though, so I guess it would depend if this is his permanent personality or if it is just a temporary thing. Have you tried to talk to him about it? less

I don't think it's the OP's fault. Twenty Three days with no sex? WTF?

The thing is, you can't "change" people, and you can't "fix" people. You said he's always putting you down, and hurting you.

I'm guessing the "staring down" only happened after the MONTH with him avoiding sex.

I wouldn't expect this to get better. He accepts blow jobs, but won't do anything to make you feel good? He's a selfish bastard.

QUOTE: he now wont even put his hand on me in bed or snuggle or even look at me!! he wont kiss me NOTHING like he is afraid of turning me on UNQUOTE. THIS is a huge red flag. Why doesn't he want to turn you on? I don't think you are "scaring" him.... unless he's afraid of sex in general or afraid of or doesn't like sex with women. If so, there isn't anything you can do to "fix" him. (Believe me, you don't want a sexless relationship.) This simply looks like the beginning of a sexless relationship. Do you want that?

And no, being uncut is the natural form of Man. It has nothing to do with sex drive at all.

Hon, he won't talk and he hurts you emotionally and he refuses to do anything to make you feel good sexually.

I have a question; just what are you getting from this relationship? It's been proven that when two people are in a romantic and sexual relationship there is more to it than being "friends" He has to want you and respect you and you have to want him and respect him. Both of you have to want and engage in sex. If those things aren't happening, there's nothing you can do, aside from therapy. If he won't even talk to you, is he going to see a therapist? less

no he never puts me down or physically hurts me. He ignores my hints at sex and completely ignores me when we are in bed.

I didnt stare him down i just turned and looked at him less than a minute later he looked at me and asked what i wanted i told him and he left and yes it was because im getting hurt and frusterated by him ignoring me. Honestly i would be happier if he would just be like "hey im sorry but im not interested tonight' but not even that he just acts like i dont even exist.

And yes he will take a bj anytime!! most of the time when getting one he wont touch me and afterwards he is done and either leaves the room or goes to sleep. haha sometimes he will touch me when im blowing him and then as soon as he busts he stops and leaves me hanging!.... ugh...


What i get from this realtionship is a loving caring man who is beautiful and sweet and kind and fun! UNTIL it comes to sex..... so his only downfall is the sex... which is kinda really huge for me simply because i LOVE sex!!!

Im being patient with him hoping it will change.... but not sure how much longer i can hold on before i have to move on... I really dont want to hurt him... less

Maybe I should have clarified a little bit, here. I know what frame of mind I'm in when I refuse sex and it's usually because I'm pissed off at the person asking. Or, just annoyed/don't want them in general. And I do feel by the choice of the OP's wording that she's aggressive. When it comes to him saying "sure, you can blow me" it's to placate her and to get her to go away.

This is definitely not a healthy relationship and it could very well be that this relationship started as a one-time thing and it sounds a lot like "we had sex, we're monogamous now" and that could be something he doesn't want at all.

If he HAS a low sex drive (which most 20-something year old men don't have an issue with) then there's probably a medical reason behind it. In either event, him not even being remotely open to discussing it with you shows that he has no interest in pursuing a relationship with you. Harsh? Yes. I do apologize for that, but I can't find a want to mince words here.

P'Gell - you and I were lucky to find men who were more mature than the average guy out there and we were lucky that they responded to our aggressive personalities. I don't the OP has been fortunate in this situation. It sucks, because I know what it feels like to be in his shoes AND her shoes. It's a no win and both need to love themselves enough to decide what's best for them at this time. less

My guy does this too, but we've been together 3 1/2 years so we've talked about it alot and we're working on it. When he does it it's mostly due to his insecurities, he's uncomfortable and insecure about himself sexually and so he would rather just not have sex than face those insecurities. He prefers BJs because he isn't expected to perform, but he doesn't accept them often because he knows it's not fair for me to do that and not get anything in return. I'm not saying for sure that this is the case with your guy but it sure sounds alot like mine so it's just an idea. less

He sounds not only like a bad lay, but a jerk as well. Unless he is under some extreme personal stress, all the stuff you described is pretty rude. It sounds almost like he's trying to will you to break up with him.

You need to have a talk and be sure to use very direct language. Spell it out for him very clearly that you want HIM to please YOU every once and a while. If he has no good excuses or doesn't change, you should break up with him.

And if he asks you to blow him, ask him what he'll do for you after. Reciprocation is great. less

it was supposed to be a one time thing his best friend is married to my best friend. both he and i just came out of shitty realtionships and wanted to get layed so our friends set us up. He came to my place since we were having a kick back and we did our thing and he hasnt gone back to sleep at his house since he ended up moving in with me. so if anyone decided to make it a relationship it was him. He prefers monogomy i dont mind either way personally since i like girls too.

And about the bj's he wants them he asks for them and hints at them MAJOR hints like sticking his dick in my face (not in a rude way btw). So those are something he is obviously wanting and not something to just get rid of me at that moment.

another thing is im not aggressive about sex i will try for a min or 2 if he ignores me i move on. so dont think you have me all figured out. I have been respectfully not pushing anything on him because i feel that would be wrong. less

I think that the best thing to do is to sit down with him (not when either of you is in a hurry, grumpy, or hot and bothered) and tell him what you're feeling. Use lots of "I" statements. An example of this would be to say "I feel like it's a major issue with our relationship when we don't make love in such a long time. I really enjoy my time with you, and it's important to me and makes me feel like there's an underlying issue." instead of "We don't fuck often enough. You have issues."

Good luck! It really does sound like he has some insecurities, but he really needs to talk to you about them and keep you 'up to date' since you're a part of his life now. less