The New Intimacy

Condoms or...? (Male sexual problem)

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Contributor: darthkitt3n darthkitt3n
My boyfriend has been having a problem lately where he goes soft as soon as the condom goes on. I am on the pill and we are both STD free, so we don't always need to use a condom, just when I forget to take my pill. I have tried a variety of things to help him out, including penis rings, vibrating rings, different condoms, not putting the condom on until he is about to ejaculate, and I have tried switching up what I do to please him. It's just getting somewhat worse.

He says that he is loving the feeling of sex or foreplay until the condom comes on, then he just loses sensation. We are using the same variety of condoms we have been using for the past year or so, and this has only been happening for the past couple of months.

I have asked a couple of friends what his problem could be, and they said he could be tired or have a lot on his mind. I have tried talking to him and he says nothing is wrong. He knows he can tell me anything.

I am just curious, has anyone else been through this? What would help him out? This is just all making me feel like I can't even please him, which is pretty depressing.
11/30/2010
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Contributor: ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
Maybe try a thinner type of condom. I like to use Durex Extra sensitive, might try something along those lines.
11/30/2010
Contributor: darthkitt3n darthkitt3n
We use those sometimes, as well as some Kimono extra thin condoms and Durex Love condoms, which are pretty much extra sensitive with different shaping to the head.
12/01/2010
Contributor: nyc cpl nyc cpl
Quote:
Originally posted by darthkitt3n
My boyfriend has been having a problem lately where he goes soft as soon as the condom goes on. I am on the pill and we are both STD free, so we don't always need to use a condom, just when I forget to take my pill. I have tried a variety of ... more
I also tend to go soft with them on. Is he circumcised or not?
12/24/2010
Contributor: Selective Sensualist Selective Sensualist
My husband also goes soft as soon as we put a condom on him. When we first started having sex, he didn't have this problem. It's just that he became accustomed to more sensation after we quit using condoms and he never wanted to go back.

Some people just find the sensation of the latex on their penis to be a turn-off.
12/24/2010
Contributor: Tuesday Tuesday
My son tells me he has the same problem. His solution is premature withdrawal. I'm not the least bit happy about that.

I'm worried that the result will be premature grandmotherhood.
12/24/2010
Contributor: Kindred Kindred
Quote:
Originally posted by Tuesday
My son tells me he has the same problem. His solution is premature withdrawal. I'm not the least bit happy about that.

I'm worried that the result will be premature grandmotherhood.
I know it's no laughing matter, but that was hilarious!

And yes, a lot of men find that using a condom decreases sensation quite a bit. We never really used condoms but had to for a few months after my wife gave birth. I had the hardest time climaxing with one on.
12/24/2010
Contributor: darthkitt3n darthkitt3n
He is circumsized.

We have started using a different condom and it has gotten a bit better.
12/27/2010
Contributor: Illusional Illusional
Condoms and me aren't friends....
12/27/2010
Contributor: philz philz
As some have already stated. It`s possible that its just the feeling of the condom that unconsciously turning him off. Most likely his body just got too used to doing it without. So now that its back in play there a bit of a negative reaction. I am guessing its just going to take some time to get back into the groove of using it.
12/28/2010
Contributor: VanillaFreeSex VanillaFreeSex
same problem here with my man. Problem is that is our method of birth control. So for the most part we have different types of sex. With the occasional condom success. It is frustrating, and I really want that sometimes. I know that i can't put myself in his shoes. sometimes he take an herbal remedy and that helps. He only has problems when it comes to condoms though.
12/28/2010
Contributor: Tuesday Tuesday
I just learned that the Today sponge is available again. Maybe that's an option for you.
12/28/2010
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
Quote:
Originally posted by Tuesday
I just learned that the Today sponge is available again. Maybe that's an option for you.
Yes, it is! I used them when I was younger, just before their most recent pulling from the market and loved them. It's like having a diaphragm without having to be fitted or use a jelly or foam with it. And the effectiveness rate is very good. I don't require birth control right now (my man has been snipped) but if I ever do again, I'll be going back to them.
12/28/2010
Contributor: Tuesday Tuesday
I loved the sponge too when I was in college and they were available. I'm hoping I can talk my son into using them if he won't use condoms. They're not cheap but they're cheaper than a baby.
12/28/2010
Contributor: Shellz31 Shellz31
Quote:
Originally posted by Tuesday
I loved the sponge too when I was in college and they were available. I'm hoping I can talk my son into using them if he won't use condoms. They're not cheap but they're cheaper than a baby.
I've never heard about this sponge ... curious.
12/29/2010
Contributor: Illusional Illusional
Quote:
Originally posted by Shellz31
I've never heard about this sponge ... curious.
Me neither, how is it used?
12/29/2010
Contributor: Tuesday Tuesday
Quote:
Originally posted by Shellz31
I've never heard about this sponge ... curious.
Actually, they're super easy and convenient.

And I'm happy to report that my son has agreed to add the sponge to his BC arsenal.
12/30/2010
Contributor: ThoughtsAblaze ThoughtsAblaze
My man is having that same problem. We just started having sex (me for the first time, him for the first time in about 4 years); he goes soft once the condom is on, and nothing we do will help him stay hard. His measurement are right on the line for getting a larger condom, and I worry that another size up will prove too big. Still, we're going to try other brands/sizes and try to figure out if it's a condom issue or a psychological issue (since he's been sans condom for so long).
08/20/2011