Do you feel labeling any sexual expression as "Normal" can be damaging to others?

The New Intimacy

Do you feel labeling any sexual expression as "Normal" can be damaging to others?

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Contributor: AndroAngel AndroAngel
It seems to me that labeling certain acts and certain sexualities/sex drives as "normal" only seems benign until you're the person falling outside the norm and realizing that that makes you "abnormal". Do you think that considering certain certain types of sexual expression to be "Normal sex" is unnecessarily shaming to those who don't conform and might discourage sexual exploration and development?

For example, here on EF it's "normal" to masturbate, but out in the "real world" it's assumed that "normal" people don't masturbate if they have a partner, or even that those who masturbate are pitiful because they can't have "normal" sex.

Another example would be that a large number of people seem to believe that it is "normal" for the man to do the penetrating, therefore pegging is considered "Abnormal"

My third example would be that Vaginal sex is considered "normal" sex, therefore everything outside of PIV intercourse is "abnormal" (Anal, pegging, etc.)

And for a final example, the "Normal" sex drive for men is supposedly "always ready" and for women "extremely low" so every woman with a high sex drive and every man with a low one are considered "Abnormal" and asexuals are told that they're broken and need to go get help.
10/17/2011
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Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
It seems to me that labeling certain acts and certain sexualities/sex drives as "normal" only seems benign until you're the person falling outside the norm and realizing that that makes you "abnormal". Do you think that ... more
Hmmm, I think you pose a very good point with all of this.

I think in the society in the USA, a lot of what we on EF could consider to be normal is really more... behind the times of other countries maybe.

-shrugs-

I know plenty of women who have a high sex drive and plenty of women who have low, just like I know plenty of men with a high sex drive and plenty of men with a low sex drive.

I think that we should each define what is normal and abnormal to ourselves as well as being open-minded to what other people define as normal and abnormal. Though, that might be more of a pipe dream and too close to a "perfect" world to think would happen.
10/17/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Normal is as normal does. I think it centers on "majority/minority" lines of thinking. If the majority of a population enjoys anal sex, or BDSM or whatever then it's "normal". If there are only a few occurrences of these preferences in a population, it is considered "abnormal". It basically works off the law of averages.

I think people need to get out of the habit of checking their sexual preferences against society's views, especially American views on sex. They are largely puritanical in nature and destructive to one's relationship if they allow those labels to have any bearing on who they are in or out of the bedroom.
10/17/2011
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Normal is as normal does. I think it centers on "majority/minority" lines of thinking. If the majority of a population enjoys anal sex, or BDSM or whatever then it's "normal". If there are only a few occurrences of these ... more
You said it all! I definitely agree.
10/18/2011
Contributor: oldman oldman
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
It seems to me that labeling certain acts and certain sexualities/sex drives as "normal" only seems benign until you're the person falling outside the norm and realizing that that makes you "abnormal". Do you think that ... more
I do agree with the basic premis that labels put people (and groups of people) in pretty clearly defined boxes, and as I am sure we all agree, it is not that simple. However, having said that, language does need to use descriptive words, otherwise we could not communicate. Even nouns, like the word "table" are labels--when you read or hear the word "table" not all of us think of the SAME table, but we think of smething that somehow fits in the "table box". It is when we try to keep peope i the boxes that we are unkind and run into trouble. My satus is fluid--I may be a man one minue and the next minute I am a teacher and the next minute I am a ppilot. Its all a matter of where you are and where I am at the time.
10/18/2011
Contributor: Katelyn Katelyn
I find the term "normal" very skewed. I love women and I still often accidentally use the term "normal" when referring to heterosexual relationships. I wish this wasn't the way society imprints us but unfortunately it is. I will try harder to erase the idea of normal from my mind because it can be extremely harmful to anyone who doesn't conform. I love Eden because I feel that our concept of "normalcy" is very much more open than general society. As a sex positive community it is easier to be accepted here than elsewhere.
12/19/2011