What do you do when someone says, "that's so gay?"

Society strives to find more words to say the same thing. It's how language evolves. If we only said tired to mean tired, some fabulous words wouldn't exist. Sleepy, drowsy, worn out, exhausted, fatigued, sapped, shopworn, wearied. Ahhh, words.

Not saying you're wrong in your opinion, Sir, just that expecting people to not play with language is unrealistic. It's always happened, always will.

Yes, such things changes with the time period. However, I did read some back up to why people might think like this--we might be wired to think that blonds (or perhaps even other "unusual" hair colors like red?) are "weaker". :/

Actually, I have heard "that's so black" and "that's so Jewish before". I've heard people saying things are "Jewish" etc.

Also, having a word used against you doesn't give you more of a right to use it. Like African Americans and the n-word. Just cause they were called it, doesn't mean they should use it all the time. If they'd be offended by a white or any other race person saying it, why wouldn't they be from their own race? But that's a bit off subject.

As far as what I say. I'll call stuff gay, retarded, stupid, dumb, whatever word just happens to come out first. By saying gay or retarded, I don't mean offense to any one mentally handicapped or homosexual or anything. Retarded literally means slow, so saying something is retarded has NOTHING to do with someone with a mental disability. I think calling the person with the disability retarded is the insulting part. As far as gay, well it originally meant happy, so I don't have a reasoning for that one.

People are just way to sensitive anymore, especially with words. I mean wasn't everyone told the whole "Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" when they were little? Words only take the power you let them have. If you let someone offend you by saying something then you're letting them win.

So so Funny. In my early 20s I didnt know any openly homosexuals.. and I ALWAYS said "Im straight." not meaning anything to do with anything sexual. Well one day at work I said it while talking to an openly gay friend. and he replied.. "well, I already knew THAT!" which made me laugh but helped me realize that sometimes what we say is taken totally differently by different people. He and I are good friends now, and he frequently calls things gay ~LOL sometimes I have to use context queues to know whether he is talking about the slang term or if he is calling someone homosexual.

I think it's definitely a slur - and intended to be. No one says it to be nice. But I think often they don't mean it as a slur against those who are homosexual but rather just a general insult.

It kind of reminds me of the use of sarcasm. You hear people, all the time, saying "What? I was just kidding, just being sarcastic!" and most of them don't realize that sarcasm is, indeed, a form of humor but it's a mean form of humor, meant to convey insult.

So on point and I couldn't agree more with you.

HAHA! I like that response, that was funny.

I generally do feel the same way, actually. I think of the person as lower than me when they start using such terms in those ways.

I understand to some extent. Our family has a lot of GLBT friends, so I also try to let my kids know it isn't really nice. Once they reach a certain age, they make up their own minds as to what is appropriate to say, depending on their peer group, the people they are with etc.

That being said, I am working on becoming a less "offended" person. (Per what Second Wave Feminism did to me. EVERYTHING "offended" me from the age of 12 until just the last few years.) I'm trying to lighten up. I think in a lot of situations we can choose whether or not to become offended. In other situations, where someone really intends HATE in their language and their meaning, it's a different story.

But, I still want my children to know that words can hurt some people. My kids knew what "Gay" meant since they were toddlers. So, if someone called one of my kids "Gay" or "Ghey" or whatever, they would sometimes correct them. "No, I'm not gay. Gay is when you fall in love with someone of the same gender." I got in trouble with a few other parents for that. They had NO problem with their kids (I'm talking kids under 10) using the word "Gay" but didn't want their kids to know what it meant. WTF? "Why are you telling my kids things I don't want them to know about yet?" I was asked by more than one parent. My question for them is, "Why is your kid using a word he doesn't know the meaning of? And, why don't your kids know the actual meaning of the word "gay?""

It's amazing what passes for "OK" in some people's homes. According to some of these parents, an 8 year old calling an other kid "Gay" is fine, an other 8 year old actually explaining what the word means is "wrong."

*sigh*

lucid, you asked Also, having a word used against you doesn't give you more of a right to use it. Like African Americans and the n-word. Just cause they were called it, doesn't mean they should use it all the time. If they'd be offended by a white or any other race person saying it, why wouldn't they be from their own race?

No, it's really different. When the Dominant-Oppressor Group uses a word that THEY invented to be derogatory, it is often up to the Oppressed Group to TAKE BACK, reclaim that word for their own usage. It is STILL not "OK" for members of the Dominant-Oppressor Group, who still has much power over the Oppressed to say, "How come I can't say it?" The Dominant-Oppressor Group has had their say, their power is waning, but still somewhat intact and once the word becomes verboten, (like the N word) it is ONLY up to the Oppressed, for whom the word was used at one time ONLY BY the Oppressors, to use the word to their liking.

Case in point, it is up to women to "reclaim" words like "Bitch" and "Whore" and "Slut." Only when the word is wrung of it's power over us, is it then safe for general usage. (And that ain't happened yet for general usage for the "N" word.)

Seeing how African Americans were treated by the Dominant-Oppressor Group (white people, crackers, what ever you want to call it) it is going to be a LONG fucking time before white people should at all consider it "OK to say, because they do it!" As a Caucasian, one hasn't been through the Oppression, so giving up ONE word out of your vocabulary isn't a huge deal. It also isn't up to white people to TELL Black people when, where or how often THEY can use words deemed inappropriate. We've done that. That's over. (Sorta, not really all the way.) The usage of the word now belongs to the Group who was once Oppressed in part, by these words.

Words DO have power, and often the Dominant-Oppressor Groups gave them this power, the Oppressed didn't! Black slaves didn't "let Massa win" by getting offended by being called the "N" word. The Oppressors did that to them. "Massa" was winning at one point DUE to in part, the use of his language. You can't blame the victim. And IMO, and the opinion of many, only those effected by the ill usage of these words can be the ones to strip these words of their power.

Likewise, It isn't up to men to try to "reclaim" the word "Bitch" (in relation to a woman) nor is is up to Straight people to try to "reclaim" words like "Fag" or "Homo." In some situations it may be accepted but if you have to think about it or ask, it probably isn't OK. People who know each other well may have no problem with some words being used. If My Man is joking around and calls me "Bitch" is is totally different than some random guy on the street. Why? Because, as member of the once Oppressed, I've given My Man permission. (This could be oral or implied permission.) Same goes for some friends and relatives of GLBT people and some white friends of African American people. BUT, in the end, the Oppressed really, at this point in time, should be the one to control the use of the word. But, like I said, if you think you have to ask, or even think "Is this OK?" it probably isn't.

Spike Lee could have said it much better.....

(And I still need to work on this "not becoming offended" thing. I'm much better, than I was really. This discussion doesn't "offend" me at all, but I just felt I needed to say something about the whole "How come those people can say this word and I can't?" thing.) But, only by bringing things out in the open can we learn. I truly believe that. And, it's one of the things I LOVE about Eden. We can talk about this stuff without fear or abuse, like rational adults.

I thank you all for that.

As always, mileage and all that. There are a LOT of other trains of thought on this than the one I expressed, so I guess go with your gut. I just had to say something about the whole "N" word thing.

In most circles, "Straight" has never had unpleasant or slur connotations, so no.

On an other note, a few hundred years ago, the word "Silly" meant mentally retarded. Now, we use it all the time, without thinking about it. But, it's really only been since the the Holocaust and the Civil Rights Movement that people have really thought about the impact of language on how others are treated.

It kind of offends me when people say it.