arousal for me seems...different now.

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arousal for me seems...different now.

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Contributor: Gallowraven Gallowraven
I was wondering if it is normal to have a change in arousal after having a baby. Over the past 18 months I have lost the ability to become aroused the same way I did before having my daughter. Before I had her I would melt at the mere touch of my spouse, but now, no matter how hard we try there is no melting happening. I still get wet, and I can still get pleasure and orgasm from sex, but what I don't get is the "heat" and the "hunger" (for lack of better words) in my loins. I think the strangest part about it is that it has waned over the last year and a half, rather than dying off completely. Since this started happening, I have resorted to masturbation to orgasm as a means of warming up for sex, that way all my bits are fired up and ready for penetration. I have been trying to figure it out for a while now, mainly because I miss that excitement, I miss the feeling of need one gets when highly aroused.

Yes I still get horny, no it isn't the same as it used to be. It just feels weaker now.

My question is this: Has anyone else gone through something like this? if so what ended up causing the problem and how did you fix it? This little issue is driving me crazy.
09/12/2011
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Contributor: Peggi Peggi
It's totally normal! For some women it takes a couple months, others a year or so. Your body changes after having a baby, hormones and chemical changes as well as the physical changes which in themselves can make a difference! So it's normal.
09/12/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Gallowraven, if your baby is still breastfeeding, your estrogen levels may still be low and that could mildly effect arousal in some women. If you are finished breastfeeding and are getting regular periods, then it would be a good idea to see your GYN to have your hormones tested to make sure your estrogen, progesterone and testosterone levels are where they should be.

Instead of masturbating, could your partner do the work to "warm you up?" I know often My Man and I take over an hour of play before we even think about penetration and PIV sex. Sometimes we both want a slow warm up, and lots of oral and manual sex and toy play makes this easy.

But, 18 months is a bit of a long time to still be feeling "under the weather" sexually, although still in the realm of "normal" sexual response. If your baby wakes in the night a lot, or is very very active (I'm talking about babies who sleep 6 or 7 hours at night, waking once or twice and then only take a 45 minute nap ONCE each day and are going full blast the other 17 hours a day) you could just be exhausted. If that's what it is, and your hormones are what they should be at this point in the baby's life (and the baby is weaned, if the baby is still nursing don't bother with the hormone tests, because you have a different body state that most doctors don't know how to interpret) time may help. If not, MORE oral and manual and toy play before PIV is started and keep a dialogue going with your doctor if the problem continues.
09/12/2011
Contributor: Gallowraven Gallowraven
she isn't breast feeding and hasn't been for quite some time now. I can't go to a gyno, since I have no insurance, and can not afford the obscene prices they charge. my daughter has insurance though.
09/12/2011
Contributor: AngelvMaynard AngelvMaynard
Quote:
Originally posted by Gallowraven
she isn't breast feeding and hasn't been for quite some time now. I can't go to a gyno, since I have no insurance, and can not afford the obscene prices they charge. my daughter has insurance though.
You could try some natural stimulants like willow, Saw Palmetto, Giseng, or licorice (not the Red Vine) kind If you have a natural food/vitamin store close to you, they can help you put a combo together that is all over the counter.
09/12/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Your hormones do change after having a baby, but you've also entered into an entirely new facet of your relationship with yourself, your husband and your daughter. While I have never had a child myself, I have several friends who have described the first few years after having a child as a period of time where they were hyper-aware of everything that was going on and they felt like they were kind of in two places at once.

Over time, in any relationship, that firey lustful need can dwindle into something more comfortable. It doesn't mean that you aren't attracted to your husband or anything like that or that something is wrong in the relationship. It just means you're far more comfortable than you ever have been before. It's a stage I personally think all couples should be so lucky to achieve. If it continues to be bothersome for you or your husband, do some research on natural libido-enhancers. You'll have to try several to find something that works best for you.

I wish the best of luck! And congrats on your daughter!
09/12/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Gallowraven
she isn't breast feeding and hasn't been for quite some time now. I can't go to a gyno, since I have no insurance, and can not afford the obscene prices they charge. my daughter has insurance though.
i wonder if you have Planned Parenthood in your area? They're a women's clinic who specialize in all things gynecological. If you do have one around, it's worth a trek even if it's a few dozen miles from where you are. They charge on a sliding scale and have VERY reasonable visit prices. They're pretty much amazing and I don't know where I'd be without them.

Try plannedparenthood.org for one in your area.

good luck darling!
09/12/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by aliceinthehole
i wonder if you have Planned Parenthood in your area? They're a women's clinic who specialize in all things gynecological. If you do have one around, it's worth a trek even if it's a few dozen miles from where you are. They charge on ... more
Sometimes they charge on a sliding scale and you have to have proof of income, in either pay stubs or a print out from the Department of Labor. In my city the only office that works on a sliding scale is the downtown office.

Call before you go in, please.
09/12/2011
Contributor: Gallowraven Gallowraven
just an update:

It would seem that I was worried for nothing. we changed up the sexual habits, and added some (metaphoric) chile pepper. and I seem to have regained my libido. Seems that even though the love life was pleasurable, it just wasn't that exciting. yay for things getting better!
10/03/2011
Contributor: ThoughtsAblaze ThoughtsAblaze
Quote:
Originally posted by Gallowraven
just an update:

It would seem that I was worried for nothing. we changed up the sexual habits, and added some (metaphoric) chile pepper. and I seem to have regained my libido. Seems that even though the love life was pleasurable, it just ... more
Awesome to hear you guys have found a fix!
10/03/2011