Can't Orgasm (sorry if this is in the wrong place!)

Can't Orgasm (sorry if this is in the wrong place!)

bananakreme bananakreme
Hello I'm Amy & I can't orgasm asdfjkl. I haven't had a legitimate orgasm in about a year. My boyfriend and I have done everything, but have sex and he's gotten very close but I never quite got there. Part of it is (and we discussed this) he thinks more about himself when we are intimate. He admits that he focus on his desires, which kinda ruins the mood. He normally initiates everything, but normally stops pleasing me after 5 minutes. His oral is so-so, but everything else feels great, but I just cant orgasm.

I also feel like I have anxiety when we do anything. He always looks in to my eyes and wants to hear me, and it freaks me out a bit.

We also NEVER do enough foreplay, he always just jumps in and wonders why I'm uninterested.

So yeah, my clitoris either gets SUPER sensitive when I get close to an orgasm, or it's like I'm on the edge and I never go all the way.

Help D:
04/17/2012
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bananakreme bananakreme
Quote:
Originally posted by bananakreme
Hello I'm Amy & I can't orgasm asdfjkl. I haven't had a legitimate orgasm in about a year. My boyfriend and I have done everything, but have sex and he's gotten very close but I never quite got there. Part of it is (and we ...
& I always feel under pressure because he always starts out telling me he wants me to orgasm, and pleasure me and I just, ugh
04/17/2012
Raigne Raigne
It sounds like you have a pretty good idea of why you can't have one, but, just out of curiosity, did you start any medications a year ago, and can you orgasm on your own? If not have you ever been able to orgasm on your own or with someone else?
04/17/2012
Chirple Chirple
... he needs to learn self-control ? Learn to use foreplay ? Learn better techniques ?

I read the thread title thinking this might be a physical issue on your part (because I have that) - but it sounds like he needs to just work on his skills, focus, and self-control.

Pleasing yourself is great and all, but sex is a team effort. If he's not willing to truly try to learn to get better at sex, there's not much you can do. You can use toys to help yourself, sure - but you're going to still know he doesn't care and that's going to still be boner-kill and could wear on you even if you're having orgasms.
04/17/2012
vanilla&chocolate vanilla&chocolate
I know from experience that pressure DOES NOT help. I had a guy who asked me repeatedly, "did you cum? did you cum?" and that only made the orgasm more elusive. If you are stressed about anything, especially your partner's pressure, that will make your orgasm disappear.
04/17/2012
socceras socceras
i have never orgasmed during sex. lol how do you spell orgasamed?
04/17/2012
Ryuson Ryuson
Just an idea, how about you ask him to use a toy on you before you have intercourse? That way you'll get more time/foreplay and he'll get to enjoy seeing you wiggle. I also think that it will feel a lot better for him if you're more relaxed and warmed up during intercourse.

You also could try a toy during sex if you want. Most importantly, TELL HIM THIS! Good luck!
04/17/2012
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by Ryuson
Just an idea, how about you ask him to use a toy on you before you have intercourse? That way you'll get more time/foreplay and he'll get to enjoy seeing you wiggle. I also think that it will feel a lot better for him if you're more ...
This is an excellent suggestion. I always bring my wife to orgasm with toys before intercourse. Once she's had the first 1 or 2 - it's easy for me to give her several more - it's a real win-win.
04/18/2012
Sex Positivity Sex Positivity
Sounds like you need to tell him to get over himself and pleasure you. Is he interested in being a sub?
04/18/2012
bananakreme bananakreme
Quote:
Originally posted by Raigne
It sounds like you have a pretty good idea of why you can't have one, but, just out of curiosity, did you start any medications a year ago, and can you orgasm on your own? If not have you ever been able to orgasm on your own or with someone else?
A bit over a year ago I was on two rounds of prednisone, but I had some orgasms a few months after that still. & I was able to give myself an orgasm way before him, but it was last year when I had them. They used to be amazing , but now its just sorta there.
04/18/2012
bananakreme bananakreme
Quote:
Originally posted by Chirple
... he needs to learn self-control ? Learn to use foreplay ? Learn better techniques ?

I read the thread title thinking this might be a physical issue on your part (because I have that) - but it sounds like he needs to just work on his ...
I agree, he automatically thinks he can go fast with my clit and it just ruings it.
04/18/2012
Femme Mystique Femme Mystique
Well then yes, it does sound like you know why you can't. If you think there's never enough foreplay, why don't you try making a game out of it? Maybe see who can wait longer to touch below the waist, that way there is anticipation and you don't get overly sensitive before you're even fully turned on.
04/18/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
This is an excellent suggestion. I always bring my wife to orgasm with toys before intercourse. Once she's had the first 1 or 2 - it's easy for me to give her several more - it's a real win-win.
My husband and I do the same thing. It's unlikely I could have an orgasm from only 5 minutes of oral sex. I need closer to 15 minutes to half an hour. When I was younger, I could come from oral alone (although rarely from PIV alone) but now I need at least 20 to 30 minutes of oral sex plus toys to have an orgasm.

My Man gets as much oral sex as I do. He knows that pleasing me is as important as his own pleasure and also believes (most of the time) in "Ladies first" which means I have a few orgasms before he has any.

To the OP; Can you orgasm from masturbation with or without toy? If so, show him what you do and let him know the average woman in her late teens or early 20s needs a MINIMUM of 14 to 20 minutes of concentrated stimulation (meaning oral and/or toy play) to reach orgasm.

MOST women simply don't have orgasms during intercourse, and those who do often need a clitoral orgasm before intercourse even starts, or going back and forth between oral and PIV.

He needs to understand that your desires and sexual needs are just as important as his. I know if I had a lover who didn't work on my orgasms, I'd drop him like a hot potato (and in the past I have dropped lovers who wouldn't take the time to please me when I was doing everything I could to please them.)

Life is too short to waste on selfish lovers. Maybe he doesn't understand that most women simply don't come from intercourse, he needs to be educated. If he still doesn't care.... you're either in for a very frustrating relationship with a LOT of resentment, or you may have to make some difficult decisions.
04/18/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Sex Positivity
Sounds like you need to tell him to get over himself and pleasure you. Is he interested in being a sub?
I agree this young man needs to take the time to please the OP.

However EVERY man who cares about his lover wants to please her. "Being a sub" has nothing to do with sexually pleasing a woman! My Man is a Dom, and I'm a sub in our relationship and he always takes extraordinary effort to make sure I have my orgasms and enjoy sex.

Power Dynamics have nothing to do with who works on their partners orgasms. Most Doms find it very pleasurable to bring their subs to orgasm.
04/18/2012
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by bananakreme
A bit over a year ago I was on two rounds of prednisone, but I had some orgasms a few months after that still. & I was able to give myself an orgasm way before him, but it was last year when I had them. They used to be amazing , but now its just ...
For most people, prednisone shouldn't effect sexual function. I'm a nurse and am pretty familiar with this drug. I also have to take it myself a few times a year for migraine. It's not one of those drugs that has a huge impact on orgasm or sexual response.

It sounds like the orgasms decreased in strength around the time you started seeing this man. Hmmm.
04/18/2012
Beck Beck
There are some good points here. Maybe just show him this thread?
04/18/2012
Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
Quote:
Originally posted by Beck
There are some good points here. Maybe just show him this thread?
... or show him the door?

Sometimes pressure or anxiety can make it difficult to orgasm, but there is zero excuse for no foreplay. If it's a lack of experience, that can be fixed. If it's a lack of consideration, it may be time for a new boyfriend.

I agree with Beck, your partner needs to read this thread, and perhaps a few educational books too; EF has PLENTY dedicated to better sex.
04/18/2012
bananakreme bananakreme
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
My husband and I do the same thing. It's unlikely I could have an orgasm from only 5 minutes of oral sex. I need closer to 15 minutes to half an hour. When I was younger, I could come from oral alone (although rarely from PIV alone) but now I ...
Well, in general my orgasms haven't been good for a while. With a toy, I just about can but then my clitoris gets outrageously sensitive and one touch after that drives me nuts. By myself I haven't in a while, but I still feel the satisfaction. It's not like the orgasms I could give myself before, but it still releases the built up tension.

I have tried telling I need more time, but after 5 minutes he asks, "How close are you? Are you about to cum yet?" or he just tries to get oral.
04/18/2012
bananakreme bananakreme
Quote:
Originally posted by Petite Valentine
... or show him the door?

Sometimes pressure or anxiety can make it difficult to orgasm, but there is zero excuse for no foreplay. If it's a lack of experience, that can be fixed. If it's a lack of consideration, it may be time for a ...
He is actually more experienced than I, yet it always seems the other way around. He's been having issues with being inconsiderate lately actually.
04/18/2012
bananakreme bananakreme
Quote:
Originally posted by Femme Mystique
Well then yes, it does sound like you know why you can't. If you think there's never enough foreplay, why don't you try making a game out of it? Maybe see who can wait longer to touch below the waist, that way there is anticipation and ...
I just might try this. He loves being teased.
---
His lack of patience sucks, because no matter what I try to please him enough if my jaw hurts or I'm a bit tired. He barely can give me oral for 5 minutes without something being wrong.
04/18/2012
Femme Mystique Femme Mystique
Quote:
Originally posted by bananakreme
I just might try this. He loves being teased.
---
His lack of patience sucks, because no matter what I try to please him enough if my jaw hurts or I'm a bit tired. He barely can give me oral for 5 minutes without something being wrong.
Is he inconsiderate in other areas besides the bedroom?
04/19/2012
Total posts: 21
Unique posters: 12