Hello I'm Amy & I can't orgasm asdfjkl. I haven't had a legitimate orgasm in about a year. My boyfriend and I have done everything, but have sex and he's gotten very close but I never quite got there. Part of it is (and we discussed this) he thinks more about himself when we are intimate. He admits that he focus on his desires, which kinda ruins the mood. He normally initiates everything, but normally stops pleasing me after 5 minutes. His oral is so-so, but everything else feels great, but I just cant orgasm.

I also feel like I have anxiety when we do anything. He always looks in to my eyes and wants to hear me, and it freaks me out a bit.

We also NEVER do enough foreplay, he always just jumps in and wonders why I'm uninterested.

So yeah, my clitoris either gets SUPER sensitive when I get close to an orgasm, or it's like I'm on the edge and I never go all the way.

Help D: less

Just an idea, how about you ask him to use a toy on you before you have intercourse? That way you'll get more time/foreplay and he'll get to enjoy seeing you wiggle. I also think that it will feel a lot better for him if you're more relaxed and warmed up during intercourse.

You also could try a toy during sex if you want. Most importantly, TELL HIM THIS! Good luck! less

... he needs to learn self-control ? Learn to use foreplay ? Learn better techniques ?

I read the thread title thinking this might be a physical issue on your part (because I have that) - but it sounds like he needs to just work on his skills, focus, and self-control.

Pleasing yourself is great and all, but sex is a team effort. If he's not willing to truly try to learn to get better at sex, there's not much you can do. You can use toys to help yourself, sure - but you're going to still know he doesn't care and that's going to still be boner-kill and could wear on you even if you're having orgasms. less

A bit over a year ago I was on two rounds of prednisone, but I had some orgasms a few months after that still. & I was able to give myself an orgasm way before him, but it was last year when I had them. They used to be amazing , but now its just sorta there. less

My husband and I do the same thing. It's unlikely I could have an orgasm from only 5 minutes of oral sex. I need closer to 15 minutes to half an hour. When I was younger, I could come from oral alone (although rarely from PIV alone) but now I need at least 20 to 30 minutes of oral sex plus toys to have an orgasm.

My Man gets as much oral sex as I do. He knows that pleasing me is as important as his own pleasure and also believes (most of the time) in "Ladies first" which means I have a few orgasms before he has any.

To the OP; Can you orgasm from masturbation with or without toy? If so, show him what you do and let him know the average woman in her late teens or early 20s needs a MINIMUM of 14 to 20 minutes of concentrated stimulation (meaning oral and/or toy play) to reach orgasm.

MOST women simply don't have orgasms during intercourse, and those who do often need a clitoral orgasm before intercourse even starts, or going back and forth between oral and PIV.

He needs to understand that your desires and sexual needs are just as important as his. I know if I had a lover who didn't work on my orgasms, I'd drop him like a hot potato (and in the past I have dropped lovers who wouldn't take the time to please me when I was doing everything I could to please them.)

Life is too short to waste on selfish lovers. Maybe he doesn't understand that most women simply don't come from intercourse, he needs to be educated. If he still doesn't care.... you're either in for a very frustrating relationship with a LOT of resentment, or you may have to make some difficult decisions. less

... or show him the door?

Sometimes pressure or anxiety can make it difficult to orgasm, but there is zero excuse for no foreplay. If it's a lack of experience, that can be fixed. If it's a lack of consideration, it may be time for a new boyfriend.

I agree with Beck, your partner needs to read this thread, and perhaps a few educational books too; EF has PLENTY dedicated to better sex. less