I'm putting this under women's health because I feel like this really, really has an effect on my mental health.

I'm a fat girl. I don't have a problem with it.

But do guys?
Are there really men out there who like us fat girls?

This seriously hurts my self-esteem (okay, so maybe I do have an issue with my size) and I really want to know: do guys think of us fat girls as regular girls, or are we in our own world?

This isn't meant to offend anyone. I just really want to know. less

Dating and sex as a fat girl is way, way, way different than dating and sex as a normal sized girl.

This isn't to detract from all the size supporters out there, but there's huge amount of research done on the differences between what we say and how we act. Weight is one of those issues that draw a certain set of responses that don't match up with actual behavior (e.g., I think fat girls can be as attractive as skinny girls... but I wouldn't want to date one.). less

Dating and sex as a fat girl is way, way, way different than dating and sex as a normal sized girl.

This isn't to detract from all the size supporters out there, but there's huge amount of research done on the differences between what we say and how we act. Weight is one of those issues that draw a certain set of responses that don't match up with actual behavior (e.g., I think fat girls can be as attractive as skinny girls... but I wouldn't want to date one.). less

I haven't found that miracle man out there who is able to look beyond a woman's body for the beautiful soul within. It's a lovely fairy tale and a great thing for society to strive for, but I just don't see it. And I'm also not saying that the men who reject fat women are monsters. By and large the men that I've dated who have rejected me for my weight are intelligent, charming, funny, etc... They're perfectly normal. They just have different preferences. If anything, I've found that many of the men that I've met who date larger women do so because they tend to prey upon the insecurities and neediness that many larger women feel.

And SLP-L, please don't ride my ass on every single sentence here. I'm speaking from personal experience and not about the world at large. Your mileage may vary. less

I am sorry if I made you feel attacked. Your personal experience is valuable and I didn't mean to invalidate it, I was just trying to point out that there really is no such thing as a normal body. They all look different. I do not believe that one is inherently healthier or sexier or anything; it's different from culture to culture, person to person.

Also, I'm going to say something that might offend some people but I feel the need to say it: as far as "intelligent" men go, if they are rejecting solely because of your weight they're ignorant. I really, firmly believe this and I will not apologize for it. I understand that people all have their "preferences" but a lot of times these "preferences" are based in prejudice and ignorance. For example, there are people that will say they aren't attracted to dark skinned black girls because they just "prefer" lighter skinned girls black girls. This is their preference, yes, but it's also rooted in a deep cultural disdain for and lack of devaluing of dark-skinned women. Just the same, a man may "prefer" a thin woman, but that's also rooted in a deep cultural disdain of and devaluing of fat women.

You have a really good point though about some men preying on the insecurities of fat women. Unfortunately these men do exist, and they'll prey on any woman -fat or not- if they have low self-esteem. I've seen a good number of awesome women in awful, abusive relationships because they thought that no one else would ever appreciate their body.

Anyway, Lara, I hope I didn't offend you too much. There really are men out there that aren't assholes, I know this for a fact because I know a lot of good, good men. There are men in this world that are deserving of you, just keep that faith, girl. less

I'm thrilled that there are all these fabulous women out there basking in their voluptuous glory, but all of these different experiences have me thinking. I'm wondering how much of how people respond to weight has to do with social environment - living in a fat state versus a thin state (Mississippi versus Colorado); class (lower class = larger butts); workplace (some professions strike me as being much more body conscious than others); etc. less

Oh and I forgot, I always found the word fat to be offensive.

Now your not using it in an offensive way, but since you said you are heavy I was wondering if you ever found this to be offensive?

I am a little large myself, that is why i ask, its nice to know where other people stand on this. less

It is funny that this question comes up just after I returned from my local grocery store where I ran into this young woman who was both on the curvier and heavier side and also completely smokin'. Why did I have this impression? She had beautiful hair, a great smile, a singsong voice, a great walk, and an awesome full, curvy figure. Wow, she made my day.

What really attracts me to women is their intelligence, confidence, friendliness, humour, and sense of style. Physical attraction and preference are of course important, but I think there is usually a wide spectrum that guys find attractive as long as all the other elements are in place (I tend to think women have the same perspective from what I can judge). As evidence I would say that my friends girlfriends are all over the map in terms of body type and my friends are all really devoted to them. Men are entranced by the female body and while there are definite charms to the thin female frame, there are also attractions to a fuller, curvier female figure.

Just make sure to keep up your confidence and develop your potential (for yourself before anyone else!) and I think you will find a guy who will love you and your body. less

I'm thrilled that there are all these fabulous women out there basking in their voluptuous glory, but all of these different experiences have me thinking. I'm wondering how much of how people respond to weight has to do with social environment - living in a fat state versus a thin state (Mississippi versus Colorado); class (lower class = larger butts); workplace (some professions strike me as being much more body conscious than others); etc. less

I'm putting this under women's health because I feel like this really, really has an effect on my mental health.

I'm a fat girl. I don't have a problem with it.

But do guys?
Are there really men out there who like us fat girls?

This seriously hurts my self-esteem (okay, so maybe I do have an issue with my size) and I really want to know: do guys think of us fat girls as regular girls, or are we in our own world?

This isn't meant to offend anyone. I just really want to know. less

Sometimes the real problem is when we find a guy who genuinely prefers a larger woman we simply won't believe he has anything but the desire to use our insecurities to get us in bed. Or we believe we are a 'charity fuck'. It's sad but that was myexperience...my husband who was the first serious relationship I ever had told me off the bat he prefered a woman with curves and a full figure, I thought he was calling me fat.

Recently I learned from listening to my guys that they BOTH prefer a woman that they won't be afraid that they will break! Now neither of them are brutal during sex, but a tiny birdy woman is not appealing to either of them. Still the only 'charity fuck' Sigel ever gave was to a woman who would have been considered "perfect" by most people. She was slender, feminine, quiet and from what he said completely boring and bland in bed. He has found this to be true of most women who know they are beautiful...far from being sex kittens they are just normal, while the larger women he likes are firecrackers.

Took me a long while and some quiet observation to realize that while he might appreciate a woman who is in top physical condition he genuinely gets all hot and bothered by a woman who looks like me, ie: a mother with a Junoesque figure! Arch has reams of porn depicting women who have my type of figure as well so I dunno if it's about seeing the beautiful soul within or just being very attracted to a fuller figured woman. less

honestly i think you shouldn't care what others/partners think about your body. At least, not now. The first person who needs to care about your body is you. Now, if you were talking about lingerie or a different sex position or a hair-do ...yes it can be beneficial to care what your partner thinks. But this isn't just a 'thing' or toy. this is your body. the only one who should be caring about your body really is you! now, i'm not saying that a partner or spouse shouldn't care about you and your well-being, but honestly the first person who really needs to care is you because YOU are the one living in YOUR body. instead of asking what others think, ask yourself how you feel about your body. are you comfortable with your body? do you feel good and healthy? When you look in the mirror do like looking at your beautiful curves and working the jeans with a full booty? do you enjoy having a nice full chest and voluptuous figure? or are you feeling tired run down and overweight? does your weight go to a point of making it harder for you to become sexually stimulated? are you obese to the point that it is unhealthy and life threatening? if this is so, you might need to make a change in your life either physically or mentally. if you feel good and comfortable, then don't change! if you feel that you aren't happy with your body then maybe you should try to lose weight or maybe you just need to have therapy for self-esteem. either way, you should do it for *yourself* and nobody else. If you love yourself and the way you look, then there is definitely someone else out there who is going to think the same! Find what it comfortable for you and find out what makes *you* feel sexy. a good partner is going to be attracted to someone who exhibits confidence and comfort being in their own skin. less