So, I am a little over 5 months pregnant and have lost a great deal of the sex drive I had before. At first I assumed it was hormonal/physical, but then I started having sex dreams with some regularity, making me think that I've psychologically repressed my desire for some reason. I noticed that when I do feel aroused and end up having sex or masturbating, it doesn't feel the same. Physically, it's actually EASIER to cum but mentally/emotionally I feel 'dead'. I couldn't figure out a reason for this but then today it hit me that I'm actually feeling *guilt* about my own pleasure. Disgust, even. I don't know if it's the idea that I have a little person, my son, in my belly or what. It doesn't feel right that I should be thinking and doing sexual things as a pregnant woman. But I can't just ignore the fact that I'm a human being with urges. How can I enjoy my sexuality without guilt again?
Pregnancy and loss of sexuality..
04/09/2013
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It's natural to feel the things you're feeling. When you're pregnant, you're dedicating your body to your baby; their needs come first. Do you think maybe because you've had to make so many changes due to pregnancy that you're having a hard time feeling like it's okay to do something just for yourself?
There's nothing wrong with pleasuring yourself while you're pregnant. As long as your doctor hasn't said anything about abstaining from it, than go for it, guilt free! It's a huge responsibility to carry a baby inside of you, and you have to give up so many things and make so many changes, but this doesn't have to be one of them unless your doctor has said something.
I hope you get it figured out! Just try to keep in mind that it's still YOU and YOU still have needs, whether or not you're pregnant! ()
There's nothing wrong with pleasuring yourself while you're pregnant. As long as your doctor hasn't said anything about abstaining from it, than go for it, guilt free! It's a huge responsibility to carry a baby inside of you, and you have to give up so many things and make so many changes, but this doesn't have to be one of them unless your doctor has said something.
I hope you get it figured out! Just try to keep in mind that it's still YOU and YOU still have needs, whether or not you're pregnant! ()
04/09/2013
It was really hard for me during pregnancy to enjoy and even be able to get into sex in the end. dont worry your feelings are normal.
04/09/2013
My last pregnancy I did not want to be touched I think I did it maybe twice. I think the reason for this is because I was having issues with the father already and I did not find him attractive anymore.
Your feelings are normal though.
Your feelings are normal though.
04/09/2013
I agree that your feelings are very natural and that hormones are probably playing a big part. It might be a good idea to seek a counselor to talk through some of this stuff with. If you're feeling guilty because of the presence of your son just remember that part of being a parent is encouraging your child to be at home and comfortable with his body and his sexuality as he matures. In the same way that parents shouldn't shame their child for masturbating or being curious about their sexuality and bodies, they must also lead by example to a degree. Not that you should call your kids in to the room to watch you have sex but I tend to agree with the philosophy that children are sexual creatures from infancy and that if they accidentally walk in on their parents having consensual, loving sex, there's really nothing either party should freak out about. I believe that loving yourself and accepting your own sexuality is a first step in raising a child who doesn't have fear or shame about sex. Just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you stop being a human being and human beings are sexual by their very nature. If you don't cease to be human, you can't cease to be sexual. Sexual needs are the same, and no more shameful, than the need to eat, sleep, breathe and drink and you continue to do all of those things while pregnant. Most women, as I understand it, experience a heightened libido during pregnancy and many have sex dreams or fantasies. As you enjoy the experience of the life growing inside of you, this is just another part of that very natural and very human experience that you should embrace and enjoy. Once again, I would strongly encourage you to seek a therapist to talk through this stuff though.
04/09/2013
You hit on two points here, and both are completely normal for this stage of your pregnancy. First, your lack of libido. It is very common for sex drive to fluctuate during pregnancy. It may change once a trimester, or it could change once a day. It's hormone controlled (unless stress or worry are a factor), so try not to place blame on yourself. I did pick up that you said you might be feeling guilty about there being a little life inside you, and that might be affecting your drive? A normal concern that many moms go through, but be assured that you should not feel guilt over having physical pleasure while pregnant. Some experts even say it can be beneficial.
Second, those crazy sex dreams. Ah, the crazy, crazy sex dreams. My sisters and I used to swap stories about what we dreamed about when we were pregnant at the same time. The good news is that ridiculous, hyper-sexual dreams are just another part of pregnancy and has nothing to do with repression. It will pass.
Am I correct in assuming this is your first child (or first pregnancy that has made it to this point), or is it just the first time you are experiencing these symptoms?
Second, those crazy sex dreams. Ah, the crazy, crazy sex dreams. My sisters and I used to swap stories about what we dreamed about when we were pregnant at the same time. The good news is that ridiculous, hyper-sexual dreams are just another part of pregnancy and has nothing to do with repression. It will pass.
Am I correct in assuming this is your first child (or first pregnancy that has made it to this point), or is it just the first time you are experiencing these symptoms?
04/09/2013
Quote:
You know, that could be part of it. I'm used to thinking about Jayden first these days (as it should be.) Everything I do with my body, what I eat, drink, how often/with what intensity I exercise, my work schedule..all of those things affect him. I guess it would be natural to apply the same concern to my sexual activity. The thing is, as you said, I've never had any ill effect from sex during my pregnancy, nor has my doctor said anything. Thank you for validating that it's normal that I have needs. Sometimes I think of myself more as a vessel nurturing this baby, and not a human being myself!
Originally posted by
PropertyOfPotter
It's natural to feel the things you're feeling. When you're pregnant, you're dedicating your body to your baby; their needs come first. Do you think maybe because you've had to make so many changes due to pregnancy that
...
more
It's natural to feel the things you're feeling. When you're pregnant, you're dedicating your body to your baby; their needs come first. Do you think maybe because you've had to make so many changes due to pregnancy that you're having a hard time feeling like it's okay to do something just for yourself?
There's nothing wrong with pleasuring yourself while you're pregnant. As long as your doctor hasn't said anything about abstaining from it, than go for it, guilt free! It's a huge responsibility to carry a baby inside of you, and you have to give up so many things and make so many changes, but this doesn't have to be one of them unless your doctor has said something.
I hope you get it figured out! Just try to keep in mind that it's still YOU and YOU still have needs, whether or not you're pregnant! () less
There's nothing wrong with pleasuring yourself while you're pregnant. As long as your doctor hasn't said anything about abstaining from it, than go for it, guilt free! It's a huge responsibility to carry a baby inside of you, and you have to give up so many things and make so many changes, but this doesn't have to be one of them unless your doctor has said something.
I hope you get it figured out! Just try to keep in mind that it's still YOU and YOU still have needs, whether or not you're pregnant! () less
04/09/2013
Quote:
Thank you for your advice. Making Jayden feel comfortable about his sexuality as he grows up is something I've already thought about and talked to my husband about (he grew up in a different culture, where he was made to feel dirty about sex and was even once punished severely for looking at a girly magazine with some other boys. ) I never want my son to think his feelings are dirty or wrong. And how can I reassure him of that if I'm not confident that my own sexuality is normal and OK? I agree, if I continue to struggle with this even after he is born, I am going to seek out therapy. Even though my husband has actually been very kind and understand..I need to feel like myself, for ME.
Originally posted by
charletnarouh
I agree that your feelings are very natural and that hormones are probably playing a big part. It might be a good idea to seek a counselor to talk through some of this stuff with. If you're feeling guilty because of the presence of your son just
...
more
I agree that your feelings are very natural and that hormones are probably playing a big part. It might be a good idea to seek a counselor to talk through some of this stuff with. If you're feeling guilty because of the presence of your son just remember that part of being a parent is encouraging your child to be at home and comfortable with his body and his sexuality as he matures. In the same way that parents shouldn't shame their child for masturbating or being curious about their sexuality and bodies, they must also lead by example to a degree. Not that you should call your kids in to the room to watch you have sex but I tend to agree with the philosophy that children are sexual creatures from infancy and that if they accidentally walk in on their parents having consensual, loving sex, there's really nothing either party should freak out about. I believe that loving yourself and accepting your own sexuality is a first step in raising a child who doesn't have fear or shame about sex. Just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you stop being a human being and human beings are sexual by their very nature. If you don't cease to be human, you can't cease to be sexual. Sexual needs are the same, and no more shameful, than the need to eat, sleep, breathe and drink and you continue to do all of those things while pregnant. Most women, as I understand it, experience a heightened libido during pregnancy and many have sex dreams or fantasies. As you enjoy the experience of the life growing inside of you, this is just another part of that very natural and very human experience that you should embrace and enjoy. Once again, I would strongly encourage you to seek a therapist to talk through this stuff though.
less
04/09/2013
Quote:
Yes, this is my first pregnancy that made it anywhere near this point. My first one sadly ended at around seven weeks. I should clarify that I'm not worried about hurting Jayden by having sex or using toys; I know that he is well protected. Rather I feel ashamed about having sexual feelings/activity, when he is right there, so close to the action. It feels like my body is no longer mine, but a vessel for him. But at least now that I'm aware of these thoughts, I have a hope of changing them..possibly.
Originally posted by
SneakersAndPearls
You hit on two points here, and both are completely normal for this stage of your pregnancy. First, your lack of libido. It is very common for sex drive to fluctuate during pregnancy. It may change once a trimester, or it could change once a day.
...
more
You hit on two points here, and both are completely normal for this stage of your pregnancy. First, your lack of libido. It is very common for sex drive to fluctuate during pregnancy. It may change once a trimester, or it could change once a day. It's hormone controlled (unless stress or worry are a factor), so try not to place blame on yourself. I did pick up that you said you might be feeling guilty about there being a little life inside you, and that might be affecting your drive? A normal concern that many moms go through, but be assured that you should not feel guilt over having physical pleasure while pregnant. Some experts even say it can be beneficial.
Second, those crazy sex dreams. Ah, the crazy, crazy sex dreams. My sisters and I used to swap stories about what we dreamed about when we were pregnant at the same time. The good news is that ridiculous, hyper-sexual dreams are just another part of pregnancy and has nothing to do with repression. It will pass.
Am I correct in assuming this is your first child (or first pregnancy that has made it to this point), or is it just the first time you are experiencing these symptoms? less
Second, those crazy sex dreams. Ah, the crazy, crazy sex dreams. My sisters and I used to swap stories about what we dreamed about when we were pregnant at the same time. The good news is that ridiculous, hyper-sexual dreams are just another part of pregnancy and has nothing to do with repression. It will pass.
Am I correct in assuming this is your first child (or first pregnancy that has made it to this point), or is it just the first time you are experiencing these symptoms? less
04/09/2013
I don't have anything to add to the wonderful advice you were given above... just wanted to send you some hugs .
04/10/2013
I think it's totally normal to be feeling that way. I know a lot of men struggle with sex when their partner is pregnant for very similar reasons. My fiance struggled near the end when I was really big, and baby was very much in the way (I, on the other hand, could have had sex all day long while I was pregnant! My drive was insane)
There is nothing wrong with it, I do agree though, that if it continues after pregnancy (which is also common) you'll want to get that sorted ASAP. You CAN be a mom and be sexy and sexual at the same time. You don't just have to be plain old mom...you still get to be a wife, a lover, a friend, etc (This is something I struggle with, most days I am too tired to do much but the "mom" thing!) It can be more difficult, for sure, though, than before kids. So if you're having issues with it, I'd get some help sooner than later. A new baby is a big adjustment for your relationship as it is, and will put a strain on you for a while...no need to add to that, if you can help it! And you'll feel a lot better when you can be mom and wife!
There is nothing wrong with it, I do agree though, that if it continues after pregnancy (which is also common) you'll want to get that sorted ASAP. You CAN be a mom and be sexy and sexual at the same time. You don't just have to be plain old mom...you still get to be a wife, a lover, a friend, etc (This is something I struggle with, most days I am too tired to do much but the "mom" thing!) It can be more difficult, for sure, though, than before kids. So if you're having issues with it, I'd get some help sooner than later. A new baby is a big adjustment for your relationship as it is, and will put a strain on you for a while...no need to add to that, if you can help it! And you'll feel a lot better when you can be mom and wife!
04/12/2013
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Unique posters: 8