Quote:
Originally posted by
Airen Wolf
Growing up I was told I was going to be unattrative and fat "like my mother" by my father. He also informed me I had a big nose, big butt and loud mouth. He would tell me I needed to shut up no matter what was going on.
My mother agreed
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Growing up I was told I was going to be unattrative and fat "like my mother" by my father. He also informed me I had a big nose, big butt and loud mouth. He would tell me I needed to shut up no matter what was going on.
My mother agreed about my eventual slide into fatness, that I was dirty (she'd bitch if I tried to shower in the morning because it cut into her prep time though). She'd tell me I was uncreative, couldn't write, was shaped like a beachball, my boobs were too big and needed to be reduced (I have one breast a cup size larger than the other, the smallest is a D cup), my hair was terrible and I never put on my makeup to her satisfaction. I was told I was coarse, too hairy, uncreative, lazy, shiftless, obsessive, that I never finish anything I start and have nothing to offer anyone. I was told by a boyfriend that I had a better mustache than he had (I told him that you grow a mustache when you are out of puberty and that he'd enter puberty soon enough...I was 17 at the time)
I was also told I didn't deserve pretty things cause I hadn't "earned" them.
With all of this you will have to forgive me if I have a very warped self image. It is getting better as I begin to see my true reflection in the eyes of the two men and three children who love me. This community has helped me in ways too many to count. My spiritual pursuits have helped me to learn what I truly have to offer those around me and I have come a long long way. Somedays it's harder than others and sometimes even now I define my worth by the feedback of others instead of trusting myself.
I am truly a work in progress.
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Even though this post is almost a year old, Airen, it makes me cry.
How can someone treat a young girl that way? (Or a young boy?)
Kids need to be gently,
gently guided through adolescence. Most kids don't know how to take care of themselves, but it is up to parents to guide them, without insulting them, in ways to help them be clean, healthy and attractive.
I have three girls, all of them went through the gawky, not-sure-what-to-do with their bodies stage. My 11 year old is going through it now. I try to very kindly give reminders like, "Sweetie, it might be a good idea to take a shower now. You're getting to be a big girl and your body needs to be cleaned every day." After she does, I always compliment her hair and how nice she looks. I also help her straighten her hair, if she wants and have even bought her a small amount of neutral lip color and some eye shadow "to practice with" (as I caught her "borrowing" my middle daughter's make up in the bathroom) This child is slightly on the plump side, and I guide her towards exercise (I'm not being too successful) and healthy eating, and always let her know she looks nice when I know she has tried with her appearance.
She is at the age where I think she's trying to hide her body a little. My girls get boobs VERY young, and she, like one of her older sisters, is now wearing bagging T Shirts and sweat shirts and refuses to wear dresses or even shorts most of the time. I know she will get over this gawky phase, and I have let her know I appreciate her growing by buying what I can afford in cute new bras (she got her first few bras with cups a few weeks ago) new undies, cute socks, cute shirts etc.
It makes me sad when people insult their children. It's just not only unnecessary, it's cruel.
