The New Intimacy

What would you do if you found out you were pregnant today?

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Contributor: VioletMoonstone VioletMoonstone
I'm not even kidding. What would be your honest reaction if this happened to you? (especially women that don't want children.)

(scenario)
You take birth control pills every single day on time. You never EVER miss a pill. You spot a little blood every month and count it as your period (the pills you take are known to mess with your period cycle and this is normal.) You never feel ANY side effects or anything different than usual. You don't ever want to have children and never felt any desire to. You know you would be a terrible parent and have always known having kids isn't something you never wanted to do. On Friday (Oct. 5) you take a at home digital pregnancy test to make sure your pills are working and everything is fine just to be sure. The test comes out "pregnant." You take another. It says "pregnant." You freak out and rush to the doctor's before it closes for the weekend to get a blood test. You have to wait all weekend to get the results. The doctor calls you in the morning confirming that you are pregnant and your hcg level is 22,000. You tell your boyfriend and he's shocked, horrified, and terrified. You both have panic attacks and crying fits. You freak out and run to the doctor's to set up and go to an ultrasound the next day. You have to drink lots of water and not eat before you go, so you go in terrified and having to pee really bad. You lay on the table in the dark and get the ultrasound. You find out you're 21 weeks pregnant. You never knew you were pregnant, and never felt pregnant, and yet you see the image on the ultrasound monitor. You freak the hell out, shaking and crying and having a panic attack. 21 weeks is about half way through a pregnany and you didn't even know. You have no money and no desire to have a baby at all. This is your worst nightmare come to life. You cry and cry and no amount of tears is going to change anything.
10/11/2012
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Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Without hesitation, I would abort the pregnancy.

It's hard for some people to understand this situation, but as a woman who does not want a child and who is terrified of the things it would do to her body, I just couldn't go through that.

It's not as if the person in this situation is being reckless, it's an unintended and unwanted pregnancy. I don't believe any child should start life that way and so I would abort.

I don't have any personal, religious, or political views that make abortion wrong and this would aid in my decision making.
10/11/2012
Contributor: sexyfun sexyfun
I agree with Stormy. That scenario will never happen to me though, because I've been trying to get pregnant for years.
10/11/2012
Contributor: Beaners Beaners
I would also agree with Stormy, hands down.

If I were in a situation where I could feasibly even be pregnant, I would consider adoption, but I, like Stormy, am a little terrified of what it would do to my body at this point.
10/11/2012
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Already halfway through the pregnancy? Go the adoption route - it's illegal to abort when that far along. You'll at least get some financial prenatal help and you can pick the parents.

Violet ... is this hypothetical or is this happening to you right now??
10/11/2012
Contributor: Taylor Taylor
I think it would be hard to say what I would do. Sitting here right now I'd lean towards getting an abortion. I might think something different if I was in the situation. Think about it for a couple of days and go with the option that will put the least amount of stress on you.
10/11/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
Already halfway through the pregnancy? Go the adoption route - it's illegal to abort when that far along. You'll at least get some financial prenatal help and you can pick the parents.

Violet ... is this hypothetical or is this ... more
In most states you can abort up to 24 weeks and in some it's 26.
10/11/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by sexyfun
I agree with Stormy. That scenario will never happen to me though, because I've been trying to get pregnant for years.
I hope you succeed!
10/11/2012
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
In most states you can abort up to 24 weeks and in some it's 26.
Ah, I see. Thanks.
10/11/2012
Contributor: Pixel Pixel
I would have an abortion. No questions asked. My partner and I are not in a place where we can afford to have a child. Although, it probably would never get to this point, as I've had several miscarriages already.
10/11/2012
Contributor: gloomybear gloomybear
i would ask my fiancee what he thinks. but honestly Im 19 a full time college student my fiancee is 21 and has a job that barely pays for the gas to drive to work we both live with our parents and cant afford a child at this point in our lives. I would probably have an abortion many may not understand but im not being selfish i would feel terrible if i were to give birth to a child that i cant care for properly and have that child grow up in an unsuitable environment. this is not to say i don't want kids its literally one of my biggest dreams theres nothing i want more than to be a mom but i also want to be a good mom and i know im not ready for that yet.
10/11/2012
Contributor: Ryuson Ryuson
(Review Program Mentor)
Adoption all the way. Especially since it's that far along. While I am morally against abortion, I don't judge people who go that route, but there are a lot of people out there who would want a healthy baby who can't have one of their own.

I am also wondering if this is hypothetical?

PS- There has been a thread like this where a bunch of Edenites expressed their opinions if you want to get a broader idea of what the community thinks.
link
10/11/2012
Contributor: Happenstance Happenstance
I would get an abortion immediately.
10/11/2012
Contributor: Willowe Willowe
Honestly, I would go the abortion route. I'm 19 years old, not even halfway through college, and I know I wouldn't be able to handle emotionally having to carry the baby to term so adoption is out of the question. Even if it happened later in life, I'd still probably go with an abortion because getting pregnant is seriously one of my worst fears.
10/11/2012
Contributor: VioletMoonstone VioletMoonstone
Well, unfortunately this isn't a scenario. This is actually happening to me right now. It's hard to get over the shock. I've had panic attacks and cried so much I can't cry anymore. Out of curiousity, I just wanted to see what everyone elses opinions were if they were in my situation and it was really happening to them. I don't feel ashamed for sharing this situation here with you guys because I feel comfortable here.

I've never felt any desire to be a mother and my boyfriend has never had any desire to be a dad. We're too broke for it anyway. I think of all the kids waiting to be adopted right now and that makes me sad. I don't want to make more people in the world when there's already so many children in need. But my biggest fear is the damage and pain it will do to my body. This is the biggest fear of my life and I don't want to go through such a traumatic thing. Being pregnant is my #1 nightmare. I always thought that if I did accidently get pregnant, it would be very early. But this happened... Wow. Until it actually happens to you you don't know what decision you'll make. It changes everything.
10/11/2012
Contributor: VioletMoonstone VioletMoonstone
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
In most states you can abort up to 24 weeks and in some it's 26.
This is true in my state (WA.) It's a good state to be in if you're making these kinds of decisions, so for that I'm extremely grateful. And if it ever happened to you and you live in another state, it's really close to an airport. I assume they have people arrive from different states now and then.

I don't want to start a flame war or anything, but I've always been pro-choice and I've always known even when I was 15 or so that if I ever got pregnant I would get an abortion. I would be the worst mom ever and my depression would escalate to the point where I might do bad things to myself (if I had to go through with it... I don't think I can emotionaly handle this situation. I really don't.) There's one last place that's available to me. One clinic. They go up to 24 weeks and I have an appointment there. By the time I travel 5 hours to that location I'll be 22 weeks. It's extremely scary. I ever thought I'd have to do. I never thought this would happen to me EVER. Especially this late. But I know it's the right choice for me and my boyfriend.
10/11/2012
Contributor: VioletMoonstone VioletMoonstone
This is between me and my boyfriend. I haven't told anyone else. I'm pretty anonymous on here so I just posted here... it's been tough for me not to tell the people close to me but I don't think they would understand. Maybe someday I'll tell them.
10/11/2012
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by VioletMoonstone
This is true in my state (WA.) It's a good state to be in if you're making these kinds of decisions, so for that I'm extremely grateful. And if it ever happened to you and you live in another state, it's really close to an airport. ... more
*hugs*

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, honey.
10/11/2012
Contributor: bayosgirl bayosgirl
I can say that I've been in your shoes, not exactly but kind of. I've wanted a baby since I was 18, but when I found out I was pregnant this past February I was in a state of shock and panic due to the fact that my life nor my relationship are where I want them to be. My husband is an undocumented immigrant (working on it, LONG story) and although we both have jobs, neither of us have health insurance and I suffer from a mood disorder. I didn't think it was possible since my husband and I use condoms half the time and withdrawal the other half. We've never had an "accident" as far as a condom breaking or him not pulling out in time so it must have been from pre-cum. Anyway, I hate to admit it but I did consider abortion. I never went as far as to call a clinic, but I researched it online. Ultimately I decided I couldn't do it. I would embrace my new role as a mother and do the best I could. Unfortunately, shortly after that my pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I won't go into details, I sure don't want to upset anyone. But the experience solidified in my mind that I can never, ever have an abortion. Seeing my own child face to face, the child I would never get to have...broke my heart. I won't try to influence your decision as it seems your mind is made up. But after going through that, I'm so SO glad I didn't decide to abort my baby.
10/12/2012
Contributor: Alyxx Alyxx
I'm sorry you're going through this right now. Pregnancy is pretty much one of my biggest nightmares as well. I don't want kids, my boyfriend doesn't want kids, we can barely afford our own living expenses as it is, I'm working on finding a graduate school, I'm terrified of what pregnancy would do to my body, and between the two of us any child we have some big genetic disadvantages as far as mental health, addiction, and health problems go. If I were in a similar situation, I would abort. Be thankful that you found out before you were too far along. I wish you the best of luck with all this.
10/12/2012
Contributor: VioletMoonstone VioletMoonstone
I'm thankful that I have a choice. I'm thankful that there's one clinic that will take me in and help me. I'm so lucky that I found out when I did instead of a few weeks later, which I could have easily done... and then it would have been too late. Wow... I can't even fathom it.

I just can't express all my feelings. It's difficult. I'm having trouble eating and sleeping and even showering. I'm so uncomfortable with my body it's like I'd afraid to move much, wash myself, or eat much. I'm just trying the best I can to keep occupied... The location is far away and I have to book a motel so I have to wait a few days. The hours just drag by. I haven't cried because I'm kind of in the understanding/numb state of mind that follows after the storm of tears, denial, and panic attacks.

Thanks for listening. I just needed to vent.
10/12/2012
Contributor: Beck Beck
I am sorry that you are going through this. If this were me, I would keep the baby. I can't tell you what to do and you don't have much time to decide. I hope you make the best decision for you.
10/12/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by VioletMoonstone
This is true in my state (WA.) It's a good state to be in if you're making these kinds of decisions, so for that I'm extremely grateful. And if it ever happened to you and you live in another state, it's really close to an airport. ... more
I don't want to go into specifics, but I was always responsible with my birth control and found myself in a similar situation that you are in right now. I found out earlier than you did, but I know in my heart that if I had found out later in the pregnancy, I would have still looked for a clinic to help me. Why? Exactly for all of the reasons you state.

It's your decision, and you have to do what is best for yourself and your future. I know I would make a terrible parent. I'm incredibly selfish with my time and I want to spend it the way I want to, not based around a helpless human being's demands and needs.

That sounds really harsh to people who love kids. But, the world needs people like me in it, too. We can't all have children, we aren't all good-parent material, and we are fortunate enough to live in a country where we can make these decisions if we have to.

I wish you the best of luck and if you need to talk to someone who has been through it, my door is always open.
10/12/2012
Contributor: Pixel Pixel
Quote:
Originally posted by VioletMoonstone
Well, unfortunately this isn't a scenario. This is actually happening to me right now. It's hard to get over the shock. I've had panic attacks and cried so much I can't cry anymore. Out of curiousity, I just wanted to see what ... more
Oh, sha. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I hope that you will be ok. If you want/need someone to talk to, please, feel free to message me. I'm a good listener.
10/12/2012
Contributor: shySEXXaddict shySEXXaddict
Quote:
Originally posted by VioletMoonstone
I'm not even kidding. What would be your honest reaction if this happened to you? (especially women that don't want children.)

(scenario)
You take birth control pills every single day on time. You never EVER miss a pill. You spot ... more
I agree with stormy..

I have 2 children and even though it would be difficult to have another and I would freak, ultimately Id be happy,but I have had abortions before for many reasons.I think if your not ready your better off aborting early than having a child you dont want or feel that you cant take care of.Another option is turning the pregnancy into a positive thing if you cant abort and thats adoption...you could make someones dreams come true..someone that lives and breathes to have a child but cant.
10/13/2012
Contributor: shySEXXaddict shySEXXaddict
Quote:
Originally posted by VioletMoonstone
I'm thankful that I have a choice. I'm thankful that there's one clinic that will take me in and help me. I'm so lucky that I found out when I did instead of a few weeks later, which I could have easily done... and then it would ... more
good luck with the decision you are making..remember though that even though you feel this is the right choice now know that it will stay with you for the rest of your life.Dont feel uncomfortable with your body..your okay and everything will be okay. Please think about it though before you proceed...I will say that even though I hasve kids and have had abortions..when i had those abortions they were early on and I still am traumatized about going through it.
10/13/2012
Contributor: VioletMoonstone VioletMoonstone
On facebook, the clinic I'm going to... They have a pic from the 9th that shows protesters with signs. They dragged their young children out of school on a weekday to stand there with signs! Rediculous! Those kids can't even imagine what the hell is going on and they have no say. They should have stayed in school so maybe they'd learn something. These protesters take their kids out of school just to upset the women driving in the parking lot... How inconsiderate of other people's feelings. That pisses me off.

Most days there's only a couple but sometimes they get in big groups of 20+ and plan it to show up with their children.
10/14/2012
Contributor: ID42 ID42
If it were me personally, abortion all the way. In most cases it can still be done up to 23 weeks. If I found out that I was past time to be able to do it, a closed and private adoption is the way I would go. There's no reason to keep one you don't want, if you know you don't want one.
10/15/2012
Contributor: kitty1949 kitty1949
I'd cry, lol. I'd probably keep it.
10/15/2012