Okay, now that I've seen what the actually are, I'm going to say my husband is likely Acts of Service (as that's what he does when he wants to be nice to me, and what he seems to appreciate most when I do it for him) and Physical Touch, but sexually not just a random hug.

I suppose mine would be Acts of Service (I always like when people do things for me!) and Quality Time (I like to spend time with my husband where we just talk or do something together).

There have been times, with this in mind, that my husband has probably done things for me or made sexual advances in an attempt to say "I love you" and I misread it as just doing what he was supposed to do or being overly horny one week. He's told me he feels unloved if he makes sexual advances and I don't respond. So now I try to respond to sexual advances in positive ways, even if I'm too tired or sick for actual sex. I think I'll be more aware of thanking him for doing things for me, as well. less

Back in 1992, Gary Chapman wrote a book about the 5 love languages and how we all tend to prefer to show our love in one way (usually the way that means the most to us). Unfortunately, many times our spouse prefers to receive love in a different way.

The 5 languages are:

Words of Affirmation,
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts (Giving Gifts if you're showing the love)
Acts of Service
Physical Touch (this does not HAVE to be sexual)

Learning about these languages was one thing and I learned about them a long time before I really started doing something about them. I mean, I recognized that my love language was receiving gifts and so I let my husband know that.

Unfortunately, it took me a few more years to process that he prefers physical touch and it doesn't even have to be sexual or sex. If I walk by and touch him, he loves it. I will often run my fingers through his hair or massage his shoulders. He loves to get hugs too.

I'm not a hugger. I don't really care for touch that much - so it has been hard for me to get beyond my own wants/needs and learn to express love the way he likes to receive it.

This also helps me with my kids too - my daughter's love language seems to be acts of service and she's all the time doing something for me or bringing me something. I try to be alert to this and remember to say thank you and recognize this as her way of connecting with me. In return, when I want to show her I love her - I try to do it as an act of service that means something to her....like doing her chores or something like that.

So - that brings me to the questions of - what is your preferred method of receiving love/recognition? What is your spouse's? If you think back on times in the past, can you recognize where maybe they were showing you love and maybe you didn't recognize it? less