how to balance the level of kink

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how to balance the level of kink

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Contributor: chantalgiardina chantalgiardina
I am all for trying new things and experimenting, but I have found that my hubby is far more advanced in that area than I am..
He has asked me for some crazy things- or things I have not done before and I am sitting here thinking.. WHAT???
I learned from the forums that they aren't that far out there and many others have tried them..
So I am wondering how can I balance it out and please him while still staying in my comfort zone and slowly broadening it...
07/28/2012
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Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
Have you talked to him about this? Communication is really, really important with these types of things. I cannot stress that enough. If you feel he's moving too fast or doing things you don't like, you need to say something.

I don't know what fetishes/kinks he has, but most everything has different levels. So if he's into whipping you, then you say you'd like to take it slow on that. Then maybe a first session is with a paddle that doesn't sting or thud as hard and you only go for a minute or two. The next time you increase the length of play. Do that until you're more comfortable, then you can change to more intense floggers/crops/etc.

Same goes with anything, really. Start small, build up to where you BOTH want to be.

Also a good idea to go through a checklist together. That tends to get everything out there and helps establish your hard limits. Hard limits can change with time, so don't think just because you say "no!" now means that it can't be discussed again later if you decide you like the idea.

Whenever you play with something new, make sure you have safewords set up. Don't be afraid to use them if needed.

Think that about covers it. Communication, take it slow, safewords.
07/28/2012
Contributor: Dixiemomma Dixiemomma
agreed and well said Kira.... communication is always important no matter your level of experience.
07/28/2012
Contributor: remember.me remember.me
I agree with Kira and Mad...talk about it...experiment, be safe and use safewords, and explore!
07/28/2012
Contributor: MrPink MrPink
Take baby steps. Try the questionable acts in extreme moderation or through lighter alternatives until you either become more comfortable or find your real limit. You may feel initially opposed to some activities but could come to enjoy them if actually explored. Alternatively you could discover you actually do abhor them but really should speak from personal experience if possible.
07/29/2012
Contributor: Mitzuki Mitzuki
Agreed with everyone who has posted.

Baby steps and communication.
07/29/2012