I have mixed reactions

I have mixed reactions

Lady Hazel Lady Hazel
So I have been with only one man since I have been 15. We have recently got a devorce and Im with a new man and I really like him. The only thing is.. while he may be more experienced in the partner section, I am way more experimental. I am having such a hard time balancing my shyness of being with the second man ever and with the fact that I like certain things that he has never done before. Its tough to wanna do "experimental" things and still be shy while trying to have fullfiling sex. He is a great great guy and has the patience to deal with the fact that he has yet to see me naked in the light, but I really need alittle advice on how to introduce him to thing I wanna do (that he is unfamiliar with) without completely throwing myself out there. Im just to shy in the bedroom to be all "tell you how I want it." Which is crazy because I am a very unfiltered person with everything else in my life!!!
01/10/2012
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Chilipepper Chilipepper
Write it out ... on a card, a cocktail napkin, with chocolate paint on someone's body ... writing it out is less intimidating. It was the only way I could ask for anything sometimes since I also have crippling shyness when beginning a sexual relationship.
01/10/2012
Antipova Antipova
How long have you been with your new fellow? Sometimes there's always a little bit of awkwardness while you feel each other out for the first week or two, but by that time (well, of course time varies from couple to couple, but by the time you're feeling awkward about it) it will be time to move forward a little verbally.

Still, it can be really hard to speak up when you really like someone---the stakes seem high! But, it's better to establish the closeness now than it would be to feel too shy for the future.

It's hard to give advice without knowing what sort of experimentation you're interested in, but here are a couple of suggestions---

1. find a romantic movie, short story, erotica, or porn that features something you want to experiment with, and say something like "that sounds like an interesting idea---want to try it?"

2. ask him what sorts of exploration he likes, and be open and welcoming no matter what he says, so you both grow to feel safe sharing fantasies with each other



Do you have specific ideas you want to try? Or just that you want to "explore new things with him" and you're not sure what they are yet?
01/10/2012
Missmarc Missmarc
Invite him to chat with you on a messenger program. Chat with him about things you like over the internet
01/10/2012
Lady Hazel Lady Hazel
Quote:
Originally posted by Antipova
How long have you been with your new fellow? Sometimes there's always a little bit of awkwardness while you feel each other out for the first week or two, but by that time (well, of course time varies from couple to couple, but by the time ...
well...I never reach an internal orgasm so I kinda have to help out on the outside. Or I have to tell him what to do with the outside and it just feels so weird. We have been really good friends even through highschool, but after 4 year of no communication, we are in a relationship. I can tell him everything, except when it comes to bedroom things. weird.
01/10/2012
Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by Lady Hazel
well...I never reach an internal orgasm so I kinda have to help out on the outside. Or I have to tell him what to do with the outside and it just feels so weird. We have been really good friends even through highschool, but after 4 year of no ...
A good way to start would be saying "can I put your hand somewhere special while we're doing this?" and guide his hand there when he says "yes of course!"

It also might be good to work on just that while you're kissing or getting ready to have sex, but before you're having sex, so he can learn the basics not under pressure, and then you can combine it with sex later.
01/10/2012
El-Jaro El-Jaro
Being with a new partner can be fun and intimidating. You're used to how your last partner and you did things, more often than not.

I hope you found a great guy who can understand that, with your limited experience (one partner), you're wanting to try a lot of new things because you couldn't before.
01/11/2012
Total posts: 7
Unique posters: 5