Is your significant other ok with you reviewing sex toys

Is your significant other ok with you reviewing sex toys

unfulfilled unfulfilled
Ok, so my husband lives in the stone age, and doesn't really like the idea of me doing reviews or using toys for that matter. Am I alone here or do others have issues with their significant other too. He's told me not to get insertible toys b/c that's his spot, and he doesn't even like the idea I have insertible kegel exerciser's. CRAZY! I've decided I'm going to do things for me, but I was curious if others had this issue as well, and how they handle it.
10/09/2011
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Ansley Ansley
That's a pretty serious isssue and I, personally, wouldn't do anything behind his back or go against his wishes no matter how absurd they may seem. But, I would constantly banter with him about it and see if I couldn't persuade him to change his mind.

It's never been a problem in our relationship and for awhile he pushed for me to have them when I didn't want them. Now, I think we've reached a middle ground on the subject and we're both happy with my level of participation on Eden and the things I bring into our home. He's pretty much given me free reign and he'll try anything I suggest.
10/09/2011
js250 js250
My husband loves everything but the time I spend on the internet. Goofy, huh? Actually, he figures the more toys I have, the better it is for him to watch and play. He is very jealous of the time I spend on EF, but I reminded him of the money we are saving and fun we are having that would be lacking if I did not follow through. I also love it here and might spend more time than I should, but oh well!
10/09/2011
unfulfilled unfulfilled
I'm not doing anything behind his back, he knows what I'm doing and he's in the bedroom with me when I'm playing, but I was wondering if anyone else had issues. I think he believes the sex toys are going to replace him. Which they're not. It's about me learning my body and being able to find the sensual self I can become.
10/09/2011
AndroAngel AndroAngel
I don't know what to say, I've never had that problem. My lover and I use toys together and he loves them. He thinks reviewing them is awesome... Have you tried including your husband in your toy testing? Maybe get him to help you review them? My lover really learned to appreciate toys when I used one of my vibes on him (on his dick and balls).
10/09/2011
Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by unfulfilled
I'm not doing anything behind his back, he knows what I'm doing and he's in the bedroom with me when I'm playing, but I was wondering if anyone else had issues. I think he believes the sex toys are going to replace him. Which ...
As long as there is open and honest communication, I think that's great. The way you phrased your question made it seem like an honest to goodness potential deal breaker.
10/09/2011
unfulfilled unfulfilled
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
I don't know what to say, I've never had that problem. My lover and I use toys together and he loves them. He thinks reviewing them is awesome... Have you tried including your husband in your toy testing? Maybe get him to help you review ...
He definitly likes when I use them on him, but not if I want them for me. I've been trying to stay with cliteral stimulators, massagers, or bullets. I just want him to understand the toys aren't replacing him they're adding some spice to our sex life!
10/09/2011
unfulfilled unfulfilled
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
As long as there is open and honest communication, I think that's great. The way you phrased your question made it seem like an honest to goodness potential deal breaker.
Sorry, he doesn't like it at all but he's been married to me for 8 years now and knows I'm going to do what I want to do regardless. I was just curious if others had this problem as well and what they did to get their partner more comfy with the idea.
10/09/2011
AndroAngel AndroAngel
There are a lot of good articles out there that you could have him read, Go Ask Alice! might be a good place to start. Have you tried explaining that you love him and no toy could give you the emotional connection you have with him?
10/09/2011
unfulfilled unfulfilled
Quote:
Originally posted by AndroAngel
There are a lot of good articles out there that you could have him read, Go Ask Alice! might be a good place to start. Have you tried explaining that you love him and no toy could give you the emotional connection you have with him? ...
Thanks for the advice and I'll check out the articles. I have told him nothing could replace him, but he's still insecure.
10/09/2011
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
This ultimately comes from a place of insecurity. He's worried that you're going to find something that you enjoy better than him, or that will replace him. If this is something that you really want to do, you guys BOTH need to have open and honest dialogue about it. Not arguing, but actually talking.

If you can make him understand that this is an endeavor that you want to share with him and that it's truly for both of you, then he'll relinquish his insecurity (as best as he can) and join you in the endeavor.

However, if he really is adamant about it, I would advise you to take his feelings into consideration and not do it. Until he's comfortable with this, he's going to resent you if you continue to acquire toys.

Ultimately, they're just toys and there are ways to build sexual fulfillment and intimacy without them. However, if this is something that you really want in the bedroom and he's unwilling to give you something you desire, it may be time to talk to a professional about your sex life. A partner should always be willing to fulfill his/her partner's needs or, if they won't do it, give them the chance to fulfill it solo (within the boundaries you've set within your relationship).
10/09/2011
wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by unfulfilled
Ok, so my husband lives in the stone age, and doesn't really like the idea of me doing reviews or using toys for that matter. Am I alone here or do others have issues with their significant other too. He's told me not to get insertible toys ...
I had a boyfriend who got jealous when I would order new toys, afraid they were bigger than him/going to replace him. He was just all-around insecure. No matter how much I told him they wouldn't replace him, he would go all soft and insecure.

My current girlfriend, though... she knows I spend a lot of time on this website and I even told her that I have written a few reviews and will write reviews on future purchases I make. She didn't really support me, but she didn't forbid me from doing it either. She's open-minded and willing to let me try and do what I want as long as it doesn't negatively affect her or our relationship. Before me, she hadn't ever used a toy, and even still, I've only ever used one on her. She liked it, but told me she wanted something bigger (the toy I used was pretty small...) and she said she was willing to try more, so it makes me hopeful. Even so, with her being open-minded about that, I did ask her opinion on what she would think if I started blogging about this. And she agreed that as long as I never used my name, her name, or mentioned the exact area that we live then she would be okay with it. Oh, and no personal pictures, either.

I agree with BBW, though. Try to explain that you are looking into this as something to help the both of you enrich your relationship. If he's still not getting it, then let it go (as hard as that is :-/) and wait until he feels more comfortable with it. Sometimes you just have to take the tiniest of baby steps.
10/09/2011
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by unfulfilled
Sorry, he doesn't like it at all but he's been married to me for 8 years now and knows I'm going to do what I want to do regardless. I was just curious if others had this problem as well and what they did to get their partner more comfy ...
Well, that's damaging to your relationship if you do what you want and don't take his feelings into consideration when making decisions.

I have a similar relationship. I get to do almost everything I want. Sometimes I fight hard for something I want, and sometimes I just have to give him time to get his head around something. But I always consider his feelings about it.
10/09/2011
Eucaly Eucaly
There are reasons why the entire world didn't abandon human sexual relationships as soon as toys were invented. Toys are fun, but they can't talk to you or romance you.

Also, as a woman, you probably have a more complex path to orgasm than most men, and it is extremely useful for you to learn about your body through toys. He probably had learned just about everything he needed to learn about his orgasms by the time he was 14. By trying to deny you, he's being unfair, because, as a man, he probably gets his pleasure very easily and in non-complex ways.

I find that the more I masturbate with toys, the more often I want to give my man sex. Denying myself masturbation does not mean more sexual encounters for him; it just doesn't work that way.

It sounds, though, as if you might need a professional such as a relationship counselor, or some other person with a degree that he'll respect, to tell him to let you use toys. Sometimes an appeal to a greater authority is the only way to change the minds of people who are stubborn and insecure.
10/09/2011
- Kira - - Kira -
I agree with other that have said it's not good for a relationship to have the "I'll do what I want regardless of what you think" attitude. It's better to work with him on getting him to open up to new experiences and that you being on here any trying new things can lead to a better sex life. Explain that the toys won't replace him, but that they can make you closer to him.

In terms of if I've had a similar experience, my husband is somewhat actively involved in my reviews. He likes to ask me if I'm going to give something a good or bad review. I think he thinks it's funny. We spend a ton of money on toys and he's a big fan of the money we save with me doing reviews. I'm working on him being better and articulating how toys feel on him so I can start reviewing male toys as well. He's bad at just saying "it felt good" and calling it a day. Hard to write a review on that. We've had fun experimenting with new things and he really likes when I go solo which is something I wasn't doing a lot of before I started reviewing. I'd say if anything it's been an enhancement for us than a determent.
10/09/2011
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by unfulfilled
Ok, so my husband lives in the stone age, and doesn't really like the idea of me doing reviews or using toys for that matter. Am I alone here or do others have issues with their significant other too. He's told me not to get insertible toys ...
Sigel has decided to review his own toys so no I don't have any problems with the guys about reviewing toys. getting too mny toys and then procrastinating about reviewing them they take issue with but insertable toys they love to "help" me review. Gies them a break when they aren't exacty in the mood for full on sex!
10/09/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by unfulfilled
I'm not doing anything behind his back, he knows what I'm doing and he's in the bedroom with me when I'm playing, but I was wondering if anyone else had issues. I think he believes the sex toys are going to replace him. Which ...
Does he not get it that he doesn't seem to be doing the things that you need to have an orgasm? Does he think more of the same, with NO changes will result in a different outcome?

My Man never thinks the toys "replace him." He bought me my first toy, because after years of hair trigger orgasms, I was having difficulty time having them due to some hormonal issues. We use the toys, WHILE we make love and I now orgasm, mostly from HIS efforts, but with the toys as a supporting role.

He wants what gives me the most pleasure, and I want what gives him the most pleasure. That's our interpretation of love.

The idea that a person can do the same thing over and over and suddenly get a different response makes no sense. You were not having orgasms, you are being PROACTIVE in your own sexuality by using toys to get to a place you have never been.

My guess is this issue goes much deeper than just sex toys. You and he may need to really discuss it and if he refuses to open up about why he doesn't want you to have pleasure (since it's obvious he isn't able to help bring you to orgasm and he doesn't like if you try anything new to get there, either) and if the talking doesn't help, perhaps some counseling may.

Lovers want their lovers to feel happy. What was his solution and reaction to your pre-orgasmic state? Did he have any suggestions? Or did he think more of the same would some how work? You and he have work to do, and in the meantime, you owe it to yourself to learn your body well enough to be able to orgasm. By any means necessary.
10/09/2011
Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
Quote:
Originally posted by unfulfilled
I'm not doing anything behind his back, he knows what I'm doing and he's in the bedroom with me when I'm playing, but I was wondering if anyone else had issues. I think he believes the sex toys are going to replace him. Which ...
Seems to be a fear for most people...it's downright silly to believe that anything could replace him including another person! You love and desire him no silicone, glass or what have you will replace that warm living piece of perfection, am I right?
What I did was let my guys play with me but when we had PIV sex I made damn sure they knew it was WAY better than a quick hard fuck.
It is better for us that I use toys cause I have a libido that is hell on wheels for two men to handle and I like to be fucked hard and fast which isn't always pleasurable for a guy.....but man oh man do I like the real thing.
10/09/2011
Vanille Vanille
Yes she does. She encourages me actually to explore the sexy side of me. She's totally okay with it, so as long as she gets to use the ones I like against me and she gets all the intimate details. She knows the toys ain't gunna replace her. Toys can't touch, kiss, or keep me warm at night.
10/09/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by BBW Talks Toys
Well, that's damaging to your relationship if you do what you want and don't take his feelings into consideration when making decisions.

I have a similar relationship. I get to do almost everything I want. Sometimes I fight hard for ...
The OP, before she found sex toys had never had an orgasm. There is more at stake here than just "doing what she wants." She's saving her own sexuality and finding herself as a sexual person by using the toys.

If his feelings were healthy, he would want anything used for her to have orgasms. If he is against the toys, I wonder if he has issues with her as a sexual being or with her gaining pleasure from sex.

He's the one at fault here, for wanting no changes, not her for trying to grow as a sexual person.
10/09/2011
P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by unfulfilled
He definitly likes when I use them on him, but not if I want them for me. I've been trying to stay with cliteral stimulators, massagers, or bullets. I just want him to understand the toys aren't replacing him they're adding some spice ...
QUOTE from unfulfilled: He definitly likes when I use them on him, but not if I want them for me.

I'm sitting here thinking, "WTF?" It's OK for HIM to gain pleasure, but not for you to do so? I'm thinking of your pre-orgasmic state, and I think you may well have stumbled onto the very ROOT of the cause.

Do you? Again, read your own words: He definitly likes when I use them on him, but not if I want them for me. This is the action of a very very self absorbed, selfish, controlling and possibly emotionally abusive man. He can get off, but you can't?

You've been putting up with this shit for eight years, now you've found a possible solution and he gets upset like a toddler who wants all the candy and doesn't want anyone else to have any? Do you think this is going to change on it's own?

What are his feelings about your learning to orgasm?
10/09/2011
Paladin Fantasys Paladin Fantasys
Quote:
Originally posted by wrecklesswords
I had a boyfriend who got jealous when I would order new toys, afraid they were bigger than him/going to replace him. He was just all-around insecure. No matter how much I told him they wouldn't replace him, he would go all soft and ...
Even though I've never had gay sex, I know I'm bi and I found through pegging that I would be frustrated with a full time lover that was too small. So, I purchased dildos bigger than me and a joque harness (pink) to at least simulate that experience for her. Worked out good in the long run, she isn't into the larger ones, except to peg me with them.

As for the original question, I probably wouldn't do the reviews if it bothered my wife. Fortunately, she enjoys our toy life and my involvement in the EF community.
10/09/2011
wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by Paladin Fantasys
Even though I've never had gay sex, I know I'm bi and I found through pegging that I would be frustrated with a full time lover that was too small. So, I purchased dildos bigger than me and a joque harness (pink) to at least simulate that ...
That's great that you discovered that. It is frustrating to have a lover that is on the small side, I've been there before, with past partners. I'm kind of excited about my girlfriend saying that something bigger might be more up her alley. I don't like huge toys, but the small toys can get frustrating. It definitely opened up my options for looking into a harness.

I think the root of this problem is that our OP is trying to find herself sexually so that she can be a better lover to her husband and so that she can get more pleasure herself, but her husband is hitting a roadblock within himself and seems to be getting jealous of the toys. I'm hoping they can work something out so that a compromise could be reached here. I understand all too well that subjects like this can really hurt a relationship. I was a camgirl before I met my girlfriend and quickly stopped after my gf expressed how much she didn't like that I did it.
10/09/2011
Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
This is a neat conversation because my husband and I were discussing something much the same this morning. I suspect that our situation may be different partly because we've been married for 32 years and faithful to each other that whole time and never looked outside our marriage.

Anyway - after having had lots and lots of orgasms thanks to him stimulating me with vibrators - and just laying there totally collapsed for almost the first time in 2 weeks - he said that he'd never realized before just how large I am in inside and how much I needed more than what he had to offer.

I felt bad because I was like, "you're ok - really - I couldn't do it without you" and he was like, "Don't feel bad. I'm not less of a man because you could use more size. After all, I'm still the one who gets you off."

That lead into discussion of larger toys and trying some dildos, etc.

For us - I'm not into solo play unless I'm really really horny. I will sometimes use the bullet while laying on my side to help relieve the stress if he's at work (he's fine with that) but otherwise - I prefer to be with him.

The OP talks about her using them on herself if I understand right - but what about asking her SO to use them on her and watch how he can get her off with them.

Just a thought.
10/09/2011
Hallmar82 Hallmar82
Quote:
Originally posted by unfulfilled
Ok, so my husband lives in the stone age, and doesn't really like the idea of me doing reviews or using toys for that matter. Am I alone here or do others have issues with their significant other too. He's told me not to get insertible toys ...
My wife doesn't want me reviewing products that requires two people (ie bondage gear) which she doesn't like or any adult films.
10/09/2011
Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by Hallmar82
My wife doesn't want me reviewing products that requires two people (ie bondage gear) which she doesn't like or any adult films.
Oh wow - I LOVED the beginner's bondage set we got from here. We had a blast with it.

What about vibrators or dildos? Is she willing to allow those?

Just curious - no need to answer.
10/09/2011
Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Quote:
Originally posted by unfulfilled
Ok, so my husband lives in the stone age, and doesn't really like the idea of me doing reviews or using toys for that matter. Am I alone here or do others have issues with their significant other too. He's told me not to get insertible toys ...
Sorry to hear of your husband's attitude.

For what it's worth, my wife didn't even know I reviewed toys until recently - but when she found out, she was more than happy to add her feedback to my observations.

We have always used our toys together - insert-able or not. My goal has always been her happiness - as defined by multiple-orgasms. And if using the toys makes that easier and more intense for her, them I'm all over it.
10/09/2011
Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Quote:
Originally posted by Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
Oh wow - I LOVED the beginner's bondage set we got from here. We had a blast with it.

What about vibrators or dildos? Is she willing to allow those?

Just curious - no need to answer.
Meant to say is HE willing to allow those - not she.
10/09/2011
M121212 M121212
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
Sigel has decided to review his own toys so no I don't have any problems with the guys about reviewing toys. getting too mny toys and then procrastinating about reviewing them they take issue with but insertable toys they love to "help" ...
Heehee my guy likes using dildos on me too. ^.^
10/09/2011
BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
The OP, before she found sex toys had never had an orgasm. There is more at stake here than just "doing what she wants." She's saving her own sexuality and finding herself as a sexual person by using the toys.

If his feelings ...
Where does she say that she'd never had an orgasm before the toys?

Regardless, in my original reply I said that they need to be discussing this stuff with a professional and that there *IS* a problem if he is uninterested in her sexual needs.

I agree wholeheartedly that the double standard that it's okay to use them on him but that she can't use them is unreasonable and very much NOT a healthy mentality.

I also agree with you that him not changing his methods, if she's not satisfied, is par with insanity.
10/09/2011
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