To catch a predator parody by Zero Tolerance - review by Safo Garcia

I am not a porn connoisseur, and I probably watch it a couple of times a month, max, but I do enjoy a variety of porn, from queer/trans to S&M, from vanilla hetero to animation. I like seeing the variety of human sexuality and don’t strongly prefer any one category of porn. I think it’s illuminating to watch the huge variety of human fantasies played out on screen. On the surface, this is a porn aimed at white hetero men, but I think that real hetero men like a whole bunch of things, and I think that people of all sorts of identities can enjoy all sorts of porn. I am certainly not a white hetero man, and I enjoyed it.

The fantasy in “To Catch a Predator” is mired in the reality shows that most of us watch and deeply enjoy in spite of ourselves. The music and the setting sound and look very familiar, and it’s set in a wealthy-looking California McMansion. (It makes the episode of the Showtime show Weeds in which Celia rents out her fancy house to people shooting a porn seem more realistic, that’s for sure.) The show it’s riffing on is a now-cancelled NBC series by the same name that set up sting operations to catch sexual predators, mostly men, preying on underage teenage girls online. In this version, the predators are MILFs who are called “ungrateful conniving whore wives” who complain about their impotent but rich husbands and look for 18-year-old studs online. The host informs the women that their husbands will probably shoot them or sue them now that the secret’s out, and gives them all the opportunity to either leave and face their husbands or have sex with their decoy. Of course, they all choose the sex because they're lusty women in need of a good fucking.

The show has a lot of fun with onscreen animations quoting the made-up online chat transcripts they show the caught predators—I’ve never seen the original show, but I imagine it’s playing off that. According to Wikipedia, the real NBC show and the personality of the host has been mentioned by South Park and other popular culture, so I imagine that the original host’s mannerisms have some comic potential. I didn’t get the references, but it was still humorous and entertaining. The actor playing the show host is relatively talented as an actor and rather funny. He never drops his persona and news anchor-y voice, even when he gets in on the action (e.g. “Now, le me get a better vantage point here,” he says while readjusting a woman he’s fucking).

“To Catch a Predator” is not mind-blowingly amazing art porn, but it’s good at what it does. Each of the five sex sessions follows basically the same format, some foreplay and maybe cunnilingus followed by hard core pussy fucking with several position changes, and several breaks for cock-sucking, and a final, cum-filled money shot. I’m surprised that some of the women qualify as MILFS because they look like they could be in their mid- to late-thirties, with only one, Dyanna Lauren, really looking above 40 or so. But overall, the women don’t look like they’re in their 20s, so I guess you only need to be in your 30s to qualify as a MILF?

The fourth, India Summer, was my favorite, not only because she had natural breasts but also because she was possibly the most vocal and enthusiastic, among a very vocal and enthusiastic cast. Overall, the sex was vigorous and energetic, with lots of moaning, crying out, and dirty talk. The dirty talk was run-of-the-mill: “Your pussy feels so good….oh God…right there, just like that…I’m going to fucking cum on your cock...yeah fuck me…that’s my cock, etc.” I hate porn where nobody talks, so I appreciated this.

It’s two hours long, with plenty of pussy fucking, but the scenes don’t vary a whole lot from each other, so it’s nice if you want to see different versions of pretty much the same fucking style with different participants. It’s shot in HD, which means you get very clear, very explicit visuals. The guys have pretty generous-sized cocks, but nothing monstrous. It's pretty vanilla, with a few spanks, head-grabbing during blowjobs, and women's arms pinned behind their backs.

My only real gripe is that the back cover claims their cameras catch every “crazed cock sucking, perverted pussy pounding and frenetic ass fucking” but only the first two are really shown. There’s no ass-fucking. Granted, I did fast forward at 8x speed through some of the 2 hours, but I looked very carefully, and found no ass fucking. Nor are there anal shots among the photos. There was some light rimming and a few moments of fingers-in/around-the-ass play.

The DVD extras (photos, "cum shot loop," behind the scenes) are run-of-the-mill and not too engrossing, but a nice touch. (I still don't understand the appeal of a "cum shot loop" but that's probably just me.)

I do not like the look or the feel of fake boobs, and I was surprised to see how deformed the fake breasts look in certain positions, especially when hanging down in doggy style. Only one of the actors had natural breasts in this film. You can see for moments the round, hard shape of the implant and the rest of the fleshy breast hanging past it in an unusual shape. And lots of ripples on the underside when upright in some women. I don’t want to hate on women’s bodies, and all of the women in this film are beautiful, and one in particular has lovely, thick curves, which I like. But I just don’t understand breast implants. I think saggy boobs, small boobs, pointy boobs are all beautiful. Not so beautiful: a boob that looks really strange in certain positions because something has been implanted inside of it and also looks like an unnaturally round beach ball when presented in all of its glory in a bra. Just not my thing.

Also, I’m not really into seeing lots of guy cum thrown all over the place, or saliva used as lube, or popping, sucking noises during blowjobs, but this video featured all of that prominently.