Nowhere Angels by Metro - review by KrissyNovacaine

As a grown up punk (I was told we are Rockabilly now), I was intrigued when I stumbled across this DVD. A porn that had a description similar to SLC Punk? I had to have it. I was so excited, but after watching it... I was so let down.

First of all, I am very into my porn having some kind of plot. I thought this one would. It doesn't, not really. It has a narrator voicing over the weird existential crisis of the characters, but not actually why they are going at it and the characters never actually really talk to each other.

Not many of the actors looked like they were counter culture at all, much less punk. Well, one did, but I don't think that should make this a punk porn.

The sex was average. It wasn't all of the awkward looking porn positions that require an Olympic gymnast to perform, but it also wasn't just missionary either. The downside to this was that it was 90% completely one hetero couple. There was one girl on girl scene right at the end, one girl masturbating, and one foursome.

I have a soft spot (wet spot?) for group sex. I am too chicken to try it out in real life, but I love it when my porn has it. The scene was pretty good except none of the actors looked like they belonged at the same party together, much less having sex. The other downside of the group scene was for the first half of it, it was two couples having sex on the same bed. It takes away from the group part of a group scene when they aren't interacting together.

Pros and Cons of realistic actors:

There wasn't an awful boob job in sight.

The only punk guy they could find looked like a mummy. Literally, he was skin and bones, which was kinda creepy looking to me.

The video quality was nice, but the costumes reminded more of a 90's porn then one that was made in 2006. It probably wouldn't bother many people, but it bothered me.

I spent more time trying to figure out what was going on than being turned on while watching this. I have my own existential crisis, I don't need my porn to have it. Also, one fishnet shirt and one mohawk does not equal punk.

I do not think that this porn is worth the price tag of $23. Maybe a $10 price would make the boring sex and bizarre plot worth it.

This stayed in out porn rotation for awhile for the group sex scene, but I have found other movies that I like more so this largely just sits on the shelf gathering dust.

The plot, actors, or sex just couldn't engage me.