The Case of the Headless Penises

These candles from Cal Exotics, fail to be penises and candles. They burn way to fast removing the heads and leaving scary shaft penises. The product is very cheap and the wax flakes. Don't be tempted to buy these by the low price.
Don't look cool, don't work well, flake, burn too fast, sand?
Rating by reviewer:
extremely useful review

These whimsical candles are shaped like erect penises. They function as candles although not that well-not well at all really. They can be used for a birthday party as advertised or more appropriately in my opinion a bachelorette party since there are not enough candles. But honestly, you will see why I don't recommend buying these anyways.


These candles are shaped like nude colored erect penises that are semi smooth in the front and have noticeable heads. There are no veins or other textures to them in terms of realistic penises. They don't really even look all that much like penises. Well there are weird ridges that might be veins but it really looks like part of the mold backing. Especially since the back of these look horrible. It's like they were sitting in a mold and the backs of them are flat with tons of drip bumps and spots. I attempted to shave them down to smooth them out but this just made a big mess. The wax is so cheap that it is brittle and breaks very easily.

The candle set has 1 larger candle that is 3 1/2 inches tall. The other six candles are 2 1/4 inches tall. This obviously isn't enough to do a birthday cake with for an adult party. Happy birthday sweetie! You turn seven today...UH NO. It would make more sense if these came with sticker numbers to put on two of the candles instead of just having a random number of them.


These candles are horrible in performance also. The wicks are not coated in wax and so they just fray wildly. As soon as they are lit it takes about 10 seconds for the heads of the little ones to disappear. You can't exactly surprise the VIP with these and expect them to still recognize the headless penis shapes. The large candle takes longer to lose the phallic shape but still goes very fast. They are just not worth it really. Too cheap of a product from the start.


The packaging shows the quality-crap. There were weird pieces of rocks or sand inside the animated package. It also doesn't protect the candles very well. They can snap easily against the cardboard backing since it is flimsy. I honestly don’t recommend getting these for anything. It isn't funny when you have to EXPLAIN what is supposed to be funny.

I give these 0 stars, but 1 star here because the system wouldn't let me rate them 0 stars.
Follow-up commentary
These candles are completely non functional, but I would buy them for a penis cake if there is one at an upcoming bachelorette party. I wouldn't light them though. I got my last pack in the heat of summer. Perhaps they melted a bit in shipment. I wish I had thought of this at the time and gotten a replacement.
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My Penis birthday candles tags
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Bachelor/ bachelorette party
Subscribe to comments
  • Contributor: BigR68
  • Contributor: ~LaUr3n~
  • Contributor: Rhinobaby
    Thanks, your reviews are always great! I won't be buying these anytime soon.
  • Contributor: Rhinobaby
    Thanks, your reviews are always great! I won't be buying these anytime soon.
  • Contributor: ~LaUr3n~
    Welcome! Thanks.
  • Contributor: swaggsohott12
  • Contributor: geliebt
    What a bummer! Thanks.
  • Contributor: Kissy
    Yikes! Disappointing! Wanted for a bach party...
  • Contributor: yarii
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