I must admit that when I came across this item on EF, I was floored and a bit excited at the same time. The brief reviews enticed me even more and a part of me wanted to review it just because it looked frighteningly scary. And then it arrived at my door. When I opened the package and found a life-sized door knob looking back at me, I did a double take. I checked the box...yep, it was for me; and then I checked the size...yep, it was marked small. Clearly, this had to be a mistake. But it wasn't. This life-sized chess piece was meant for me. "What had I got myself into," was all I could say.

My curiosity wouldn't allow me to tuck it away and pretend that I never received it. So I took it out of its plastic packaging and squeezed it to death. That amused me for about five minutes. It seems that our bald, bulbous friend has a layer of PVC and bends like those orange emergency cones we stepped on as kids just to watch them bounce back to life. When you twist the plug, you can see folds in the shaft and hear that squishy sound you hear when you rub or press two pieces of PVC together.

Turning it over, you can see that the middle is of one material and the PVC is stretched over it and sealed. The bottom isn't completely flat, just like the knob isn't completely round. I blame this on the fact that there clearly must be two joined pieces.

The smell of our fright night friend isn't terribly awful and I could find myself getting used to the scent. When I gave up trying to put my finger on the scent, my partner said it smelled like a baby doll head. Eureka, she is a freaking genius! No wonder I couldn't stop sniffing it, it called out to the little girl in me; how disgustingly sweet. But that's about the only thing I like about it. Everything else about this thing scares the crap out of me and made my asshole tighten up in fear...really.

Okay, so maybe there was another nice quality about the round butt plug by Doc Johnson. It is made of PVC and is latex-, cadmium-, and phthalates-free. All of these traits are components of the sil-a-gel formula. Unfortunately, it is definitely a lint catcher and will work best with a condom on it, but who the hell can fit a condom on this?

For storage, it doesn't play nicely with other toys due to its magnetic appeal, so keep it far, far, far away from the other "kiddies."

Our handy dandy door knocker sits about 3.5" high and has a 6" circumference. If you dare to tread where few will, you have an insertable length of about 3" but only 1.5" of this is the shaft.

Okay, so because I love my loyal readers, I tried to insert this thing and had a very difficult time. The downfall with this toy is that it doesn't have a tip like most that help aid to slip it in. I think I will try a desensitizing lube to see if I have better luck. But since EF has discontinued this one, I'm thinking I'm not the only one who had issues.

Still hate it and that's not changing. But I'm really bummed that it didn't work. With such a unique design I expected an experience I would shout about in the streets. Well, I'm shouting and you don't want to know what I'm saying.