If There's a Will, There's a Way

*** Before you read any further, know that Merman is on the bigger side of things. It is *NOT* suited for beginners. Again, Merman is NOT FOR BEGINNERS. I consider myself an intermediate user, and even with excessive amounts of lube, I struggled with taking this toy. ***


Merman arrived with half a dozen other toys in an unmarked white package from Web Merchants this morning. I'd been looking forward to giving him a try ever since I laid eyes upon him, and because I had the day free, I set to giving the toys a go. As soon as I took Merman out of his box, I immediately thought to myself, "Oh boy. This is... impressive."




I knew right off the bat that Merman would be very difficult for me to take. Actually, more than once, I doubted I could get it inside me, so I eventually decided it'd be best to give myself an orgasm with Wyvern (review) & Naughty Rose (review) first. I lubed myself up and got started. Ten minutes later, I had finished, and I thought I'd be ready to take on the Merman.

I grabbed my favorite lube - Sliquid Sea - again, and poured it all over my nethers. And a healthy dosage over Merman. And I tried to get it in. The head wasn't the problem. What came *after* was. Clearly, even after loosening up to a lovely orgasm from Wyvern (review), I wasn't ready. It took me some 40 more minutes to manage to get Merman in halfway, and even then it still felt too big for me. The vibrations, once I remembered they existed, were actually quite nice. A little buzzy, but not overwhelmingly so. They do travel into the base quite a lot, and I found myself turning them off a few times as my hand was going numb. Once I managed to get past the widest bit where it was really stretching me out, I felt insanely full. And I was barely halfway, if that.

Eventually, my Naughty Rose (review) ran out of battery. I desperately reached for my beloved Wonder Bloom (review) instead and nestled it upon my clit.

I had the Merman inside me for a solid 40-50 minutes (most of it was me straining to get it in tbh). I had to reapply more and more lube every few minutes despite being really wet. The last 20 minutes were spent on building up an orgasm, and it was *difficult* due to the size. I was barely able to move it - it was more like just barely grinding it into myself with my hand because I couldn't actually thrust it due to the sheer size. There was something different/interesting about this orgasm. I had already cum with the Wyvern (review) earlier, so when it came to finishing with Merman, I first felt these... incredible pulses of warmth.

The climax that followed those pulses of heat was stronger than I anticipated. You see, I pride myself in keeping quiet. The Merman dragged more than a few breathy gasps out of me when I finally managed to cum. I was glad I was home alone for it.

Pulling the Merman out was quite uncomfortable (again, due to size). I was sopping wet. I used an INSANE amount of lube, more than I've ever used before on any given session. And still, the ridges and scales caught and dragged and I couldn't help but wince through the pain as I pulled out. Gods, I felt so... empty afterward, as if I'd been drained or as if something had been literally siphoned out of me. The whole experience was something I'd never felt before.

Merman is crafted from a lint-and-dust magnet known as silicone. It drags a little across the skin, even with plenty of lubricant. Because this is a big(ger) toy, I feel *everything*, but with that feeling comes the sting of stretching a little too far for comfort. Because of all the liquid bumps and scales, Merman does not feel realistic. The texture is for advanced users.

Straight out of the packaging, I noticed a light odor. It has mostly gone away after washing, but when I open the cabinet where the Merman sits, I can smell it. I hope that with time it will go away entirely.

The design and shape are awesome, but the size is a bit too big for me. I need TONS of warmup before using Merman. I feel that I would've enjoyed Merman much more if it were smaller or softer, like how Wyvern (review) is.




The product page says that Wyvern (review) is 1.75in diameter. It says the same for Merman. However, the former is SUPER squishy and gently tapers into that size. Merman is nowhere near as gradual and MUCH more firm, possibly because it has a vibrator embedded inside the silicone. The drippy shapes are on the firmer side - Merman is NOT forgiving. Merman is NOT for beginners.

I want to note that there is a slight glittery sheen to the silicone used in Merman. You may be able to see some of it in the photo below. Because I find the Merman so visually appealing (in terms of shape, color, and sparkle), I will give it back ONE star (3 stars --> 4 stars).

I think the size and shape is great. The suction cup is decently strong when I tested it on the floor with my hand, but I haven't actually ridden it using said suction cup; the toy is too big for me and I need to gently grind it against myself using my hand instead.

The size... is not so great. I have several toys that are 1.75in in diameter, and I can handle them when they're soft. Merman was advertised as... "The ultra-soft silicone is flexible, bendy, and satisfyingly squishy, which makes the raised scale-like texture feel more like rolling waves than hard bumps."

When compared to VixSkin and Wyvern (review) [which was advertised as "Wyvern is made from soft, body-safe, non-porous silicone that bends, folds, and compresses when squeezed. ", implying it wouldn't be AS soft], the Merman is... not "ultra-soft". I went in hoping that I'd have the most plush monster toy on the market, but... that was not the case. The ridges and the scales are too firm for me to enjoy. They do conform to the body, but only just. For me, it's not enough.

Taking care of Merman is relatively simple. Merman's quite easy to clean with soap and water. Charging with the included USB cable is alright, but the magnet is a bit weak. Be careful not to dislodge it by accident. Because of its impressive size, Merman isn't the easiest to store, unfortunately. But I'll manage.

Geez. I really wanted to love Merman.

I love the colors, the shape is appealing... I'm a sucker for ocean-themed everything. I adored Vibro Tentacle (review) with all my heart. But for me, Merman is just too big/firm. If the silicone were as soft as Wyvern (review), I'd handle it with ease. Or if it were a wee bit smaller, or if it tapered a bit more gradually.

If Eden allowed it, I'd give Merman 3.5 stars. But the design is beautiful, the colors are on point, and maybe I'm just not advanced enough to take it. Yet. I'm pretty sure that with practice and more stretching, I'll fend better. As such, I'm bumping my rating up to 4 stars.