Have you ever been to an edgy nightclub where the bass was pumping and the mood was dark and dangerous? You wander from one barely-lit room to another, checking out the crowd in their Saturday night attire and look up to see, over the bar, a series of TV screens playing porn. The stars of the video are hot enough and the steamy sex scene heightens your experience. You watch for a few seconds, taking in the visage of one lithe femme licking another one and get a little turned on. Excited by the whole situation, you move on to the next spot, maybe to talk to a hottie or maybe to tear up the dance floor.

But odds are, you don't sit there and watch the whole damn porn. It's just there for decoration, like the smoke machine or the red lights.

And really, that's what this video is about: artsy scenery for whatever else you have in mind. It's sexy, interestingly composed and provides a fine variety of locales, angles and actions for the girls in each scene. But this is not the sort of thing you just pop in for a quick self-pleasure session.

If you want your erotica to have plots, move along. If you just want hot scene after hot scene, you've come to the right place. But be forewarned: you better have a mute button on your TV and stereo nearby with better music. The music is atrocious. It's the kind of gag-me shitty 90s rock music that gets put into independent films when the director has a friend in a band whom he owes a favor.

My partner and I turned on this DVD, took one look at the girls in the first scene and were sure we'd get turned on. But the music... oh god, the music. It killed all possible arousal in the vicinity. We tried skipping ahead to other scenes but the soundtrack maintained its terribleness throughout the duration. It was clear in many scenes that the girls were even talking to each other, probably saying dirty things I wanted to hear, things that all by themselves would have gotten me horny. At minimum, there were moans and groans and slurping sounds I was missing out on! It wasn't just sensory deprivation, not getting to hear the real sounds the girls were making. It was infuriating, being aware of what I was missing and having cacophonous racket blared instead.

So eventually we decided to put on a playlist of Brazilian music instead and watch the DVD on mute. Significantly better. The girls were reliably sexy, definitely within the margin of standard cuteness. They range from Indigo Lux's entirely porn-ish looking blonde hair and giant fake boobs on a rail thin body to several adorable girl next door types. And they range in performance from clearly acting to very realistic, depending on which scene you pick.

My favorite is easily the sexy jacuzzi scene between Stephanie Sage and Trisha Rey. They're hot without being plastic-looking and the sex is steamy, realistic and sensual. Nothing fancy, just real hot sex.

There's a hot muff-munching scene on a staircase between two cuties and a surprisingly thorough garage sex scene where Heidi Maine shows off impressive upper body strength while fucking Amber Rayne as she holds up her against a wall. Inspiration galore.

One scene was annoying in its artificiality: supposedly one is a cop and the other is.. whatever. But the girls inexplicably leave on their socks the whole time and Daisy Lane, with trailer trash curly blonde hair leaves on a backwards hat the whole time, making the whole thing laughably tacky. In fact, it reminded my partner of the movie Monster. Not because the girls looked like Charlize Theron and Christina Ricci, but because it was a trashy tryst between an impossibly tiny brunette and a mildly butch amazon in need of a stylist.

Overall, I was angry not because it was poorly made but because it was overly processed. It's a DVD better suited for shocking a video editing class at art school rather than a porn to whack to. The artistry lends itself, as I mentioned before, to being a mood-setting background piece of decoration rather than a focal point. Despite significant film making skills, a sexy cast and a series of sexy scenes, it still fails to inspire me to future viewings. For pure, arousing entertainment, look elsewhere.