Sex with the Lights On - book discontinued by Carroll & Graff - review by LucyLemonade

I am falling in love with Ducky Doolittle. I began falling for her while reading the introduction to Sex With the Lights On|Sex with the Lights On. She became a sex educator through a string of events involving work in the sex industry. From a phone sex operator in a peepshow to a stripper, dominatrix, nude model, and then a sex journalist, Ducky has gathered a wealth of knowledge over all things carnal. I really enjoyed reading this book filled with all the questions about sex and the body that you might have been too embarrassed to ask.

I enjoy Ducky’s personable style of writing, using more relaxed words instead of medical terms. The tone of the book is both upbeat and sexy instead of clinical. In each chapter there are sections that include anonymous stories from various women and men talking about their own sexual encounters or experiences|sex fantasies. Small boxes highlight myths, interesting facts, or “homework”. I was impressed that the “homework” involved things like visiting Amnesty International to learn more about female circumcision.

The author does a good job at giving real information, including the fact that not all people will experience the same responses in sexual situations. I was glad to see that she included the fact that not all women have a responsive G-spot. The media perpetuates this image that there is a magic button inside your vagina, and if you’re not feeling it, then you are doing something wrong. This book is very body-positive, even including a section about being confident and feeling sexy in your own skin. I think it would be a good fit for anyone who is curious about sex but doesn’t have a lot of personal experience.

I have personally read a good number of sexual guides and information, but I found myself learning a lot of new things that were included in this book. The list of the chemical composition of ejaculate was quite interesting. Who knew all that stuff was in spunk! There was also a how-to guide on creating barriers for oral and anal stimulation. I was happy to see a small paragraph that discussed the fluidity of gender and the entire book seemed to be written for either a man or a woman, straight, gay, or flexible. The very back of the book includes a resources section that has websites, books, stores and more to give you further reading.

The only issue I have with this book is more present for me since it is a personal issue. I do wish that Ducky had included some information about dyspareunia. A small section including information about vulvodynia would be helpful for those who were like myself and couldn’t understand why intercourse was painful. There are some minor proofreading errors, but these seem to be unintentional mistakes such as the use of the term “drag kings” for both men and women.

I will certainly be looking for more from Ducky Doolittle, especially with my little crush I’m developing for her.

I keep this book in my bookcase full of sexuality based texts. It's a great go-to book to give advice to friends!