I was sent Topco's Variations - Heavy Duty Anal Lube, as a surprise with a toy from a friend. The toy was far more successful.

As far as oil based lubes go, this isn't exactly a bad one. It comes in a tub much like hair pomade or body cream might be packaged in. It is flavorless, and when spread on skin largely scentless, however a sniff of the tub itself yields a rather shortening-like smell that brought to my mind making cookies with Crisco from an old recipe. Not sexy. It is however very thick and creamy.

The problems arise in actually using this lube. It was sent to me with a jelly toy, and not knowing any better I used the two together. The surface of the toy became sticky and degraded from the oil. Apparently my gift giver didn't do any research in their selections.

I checked to see what materials could be used with the lube. Jelly was out, so was rubber, TPR, silicone, elastomed, any of the skin-like materials, and so forth. I considered putting a condom over one of my toys, as this knocked out everything I had, but found out that oil degrades latex as well. I didn't have any glass, wood, metal, acrylic, or plastic toys, so I was restricted to using my hands if I wanted to put this lube to use.

But wait! I had looked at how toy friendly the Heavy Duty Anal Lube was, what about body friendly? Turns out that oil based lubricants have a tendency to trap bacteria inside the body, and give it a nice cozy place to grow. And, especially with petroleum based products, they take a long time to leave the body, because they aren't water soluble. This is especially worrisome if, like me, you have a vagina. And even if you don't, do you really want that in your body for weeks?

This was about the point in my reading where my tub of Heavy Duty Anal Lube went into the trash. I wasn't willing to put it on any delicate parts of my body.

In short, I hated this lube. For external uses it's not so bad, but it's such a mess that I personally wouldn't even want it for that. Quite a while after I threw out my first tube, the same friend sent me a birthday present of yet another jelly toy, and yes another tub of Heavy Duty Anal Lube. Oh well, I'll keep it around for the next time I rub my nose raw with tissues or something.