It’s a bird? It’s a plane? No, it’s? It’s? Okay, what is it?

Usually when I review something I’ve got an idea as to what the product is. I’ve tried some interesting things – perhaps the most unusual was Xplozion ejaculate volumizer with the Miracle Massager Stroker Kit being the most unusual looking. But this product was, quite honestly, a mystery! When it arrived, it was packaged inside a generic small, USPS Priority Mail cube-shaped box. After hunting through the box, I finally found a very small container labeled “Elbow Grease Original Formula Quickie” with a list of ingredients listed underneath the product name. The only problem was that the type was so small that I literally couldn’t read it (even with glasses on). Furthermore, the plastic container was sealed shut with tape that was labeled, “Safety Seal.” Being the adventurous type, I bravely and carefully removed the seal and opened the lid - fortunately no snakes, genies, or anything else popped out. I guess the “Safety Seal” did protect me!

The next problem, however, was trying to figure out what I was supposed to do with the white creamy substance that was inside. Not knowing what to do (I wasn’t about to taste it because I couldn’t read the ingredients), I smelled it and discovered that it has an aroma that is subtly reminiscent of paste (the kind that is found schools). That solved one problem, this wasn’t a cologne product that one dabs on to drive the women crazy! I next tried to paste a couple of pieces of paper together but that didn’t work either. So then, WHAT was it? I did as the product’s name suggested and rubbed the elbow grease on my elbows. Guess what? Nothing happened! Damn, I was really at a loss now!

I looked at it some more – it looks like cold cream (not that I’ve ever used that) and I certainly do NOT wear makeup. Besides, this was (at least I thought so), a product for men. Was it shaving cream? Considering how small the plastic container is, it couldn’t be that. Maybe it was the latest acne treatment (but this came from EF – why would they send me a skin care product)?

In complete frustration, I nearly gave up and became very bored with the guessing game and yet I had some time on my hands …. Bored? Time? Hands? Wait! That was the clue! It dawned on me that I was to do what most men do with their hands when they’re bored and have some free time! (One guess!) Could Elbow Grease’s Original Formula Quickie be used for jacking off? Wow! I just couldn't wait to find out – I got EXCITED (yes, that kind of excited) because perhaps the mystery was solved!

I placed a little bit on my finger, rubbed it around and it felt slick. Hmmmm . . . the next step was (you guessed it), I rubbed some on my penis and it felt GOOD! Damn, I had hit the jackpot! Elbow Grease isn’t for elbows, it’s for cocks! As I couldn’t read the ingredients, I didn’t use it with any toys but ending spending some time quality time with my penis. I’ve got to admit, we had a great time together and, well, the rest is history!

I’ve already mentioned that I really cannot read the ingredients on the small plastic container. According the EF’s description, it contains:

“Water, mineral oil, petrolatum, paraffin, sorbitan stearate, PED-8, stearyl alcohol (and) ceteareth-20, stearic acid, lanolin oil, sodium borate, polysorbate, cetyl alcohol, imidazolindyl urea, methylparaben, propylparaben, menthol”

Nothing wrong with water! Then there are lubricants, oils, waxes, and slimy stuff. Other items found in skin care products and preservatives (I’m not sure what all of these ingredients are supposed to do). The one ingredient that really caught my addition was imidazolindyl urea – and I nearly choked. I know what urea is - it’s PEE (yes, URINE). Yeech! I don’t mind if a little of my own piss gets on my dick (after all, that’s what the other use of a penis is) but I don’t want the urine from other unknown critters on my cock! As it turns out, imidazolidinyl urea is one of the world's most widely used preservatives and is often used in cosmetics. As if cow urine (or the urine of some other creature) is bad enough, the National Institute of Health states that imidazolidinyl urea is a formaldehyde releaser. Of course, I don’t mind if my penis is well preserved but this chemical is also "listed in the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) Toxic Substances Control Act (TSCA) Inventory." Ugh!

I will say that rubbing "Elbow Grease Original Formula Quickie" on my cock does feel great and extended efforts to preserve it is certainly a worthwhile cause! It feels very creamy and smooth. I do not, however, like the fact that the NIH reports that imidazolindyl urea "can remain on the skin for hours providing sufficient time for the absorption of imidazolidinyl urea" and may cause cancer and other skin problems – what good is a penis with a skin disease?

Due to the ingredients, I would not suggest tasting Elbow Grease. It does have a paste-like smell which isn't great but really not that bad either. Again, it's quite subtle and you have to really place your nose close to it in order to be aware of it.

Overall, this product is very easy to use - get a little bit on you hand (not much is needed), wrap your hand around your cock, and pound away! Doesn't get much simpler than that! To be honest, I was rather surprised at how little was required (although I have never needed lube for masturbating with my trusty fist). Despite its name, Elbow Grease also doesn't feel greasy to me and once lubed up, I didn't find that I need to apply more. I did notice, however, that it seems to be bit difficult to wash off completely.

The packaging is very utilitarian for storing the Elbow Grease Original Formula Quickie – in fact, you probably won’t want to use anything else. The real problem is that not only is it extremely difficult, if not impossible, to read the packaging, there are no instructions or any other indication as to what you’re supposed to do with it. For all I could tell, it could have been a cream to prolong erections.

I would like to mention that the product I received looks different than what is pictured on EF: here's what I received:

To be honest, it felt really good to let my penis and my hand spend some quality time together – nothing like good ‘ole reliable manual labor. In that sense, this product serves its purpose. I did, however, try to find out more about Elbow Grease Original Formula Quickie as so little information is provided. I finally found the manufacturer’s, B. Cumming Company, web site which notes that Elbow Grease Original is “the oldest lubricant in the industry today” and states that the Original Formula was invented as a “greaseless, odorless, thick, cream lubricant that was sensual and pleasurable for all types of sex and masturbation.” Interestingly, they noted that Crisco was a frequently used lube with Elbow Grease was designed to replace (sorry, but I’ve never used Crisco). The company’s site also mentions that it is “not latex friendly [but may be] used [with] polyurethane condoms. Creams may stain some fabrics.” It appears as if Elbow Grease may not be good to use with toys, therefore I would not recommend doing so until more information can be provided.

Granted, the ingredients are widely used in cosmetics but I remain concerned that use may cause problems.