Amoureuse de l'Amour

This sleek vibe is the James Bond of sex toys: It infiltrates, it gets the job done right, and it gets the hell out while leaving you breathless and naked in bed. Those who require some deep-V exploration will probably need to look for something with a greater curve; L'Amour is almost completely straight and the tip only tilts slightly upward.

Because the vibration is (very smartly!) located in the tip instead of the base and because it offers many different patterns that do not get absorbed by the material or your hand, there is no reason you can't use this to give your clit a little love, as well.

It's waterproof, so don't be afraid to take it in with you to shower, but do not use this for anal! It lacks a flared base to keep your solo time from turning into an embarrassing trip to the doctor.

L'Amour is made with a fairly rigid silicone that can be a little harsh at first if you're used to a squishier, more forgiving material. There is no mystery smell or taste to gross you out and this vibe is smooth as silk, save for a few ridges around the slight 'head' that really don't add anything at all to the feel of insertion.

This vibe is about as straight-forward as they come - there are no hoops to jump through or crazy bends and twists. What you see is what you get, and what you get is a no-frills toy for the new and seasoned alike.

This lavender lovely is just slightly bigger than the average sex toy I've encountered, but not at all intimidating to those who aren't looking for bigger ponies to ride. There is plenty of real estate to play with and it still allows a fair amount of space to grip.

While it does not have a particularly prominent curve upward, I had no trouble with deep stimulation with a little clever angling by making use of its ample length. I am actually a little disappointed that the 'head' portion is kind of a sad facsimile of a real penis, and more of an afterthought than an actual conscientious design.

One thing to be cautious of is the twist-off battery compartment. I haven't had many issues with it popping off at random, but I can see it possibly happening during some frantic self-love in the future.

An on/off button separate from vibration selection?! Be still, my heart! Seven separate vibration patterns? I think I just swooned a little!

A shiny red light tells you when the toy is on and another button cycles through the following:
1. Low vibration
2. Medium vibration
3. High vibration
4. Low to high vibration
5. Low steady pulse
6. High steady pulse
7. Short, short, long pulse

You have plenty of variety to keep you titillated and just enough range between low and high vibrations that even the most finicky and discerning of posh pussies will be purring.

I was notably impressed by the higher settings on this, as the power travels well down the shaft and rocks the lady-bits as deep as they go. I could take or leave all the extraneous settings outside the first three vibration patterns, but I'm also a no-nonsense masturbator, so those among you who enjoy a well-orchestrated tease (either giving or receiving) should delight in the menagerie of options bestowed upon you with l'Amour.

The sound on the highest setting can be easily covered by a well-placed blanket or some constant music. Dorm-dwellers and others in close habitation might be a little cautious, but it's difficult to find toys in this price range and power that are whisper-quiet.

Because this toy is made out silicone, do yourself a favor and do not use silicone-based lubes, lest you find yourself with a gross, broken-down, decidedly unsexy vibrator. Seriously, don't do it. I mean it, are you listening?! Stick to water-based lube to keep your toy from looking like death and to keep nasty bacteria from taking up residence on l'Amour and inevitably your vagina. You're welcome.

Because the material is smooth and doesn't have any tricky ridges or nooks, plain soap and water will do just fine. Due to the electronics, don't boil or run this through the dishwasher, just to be safe. A quick swipe with a washcloth should be plenty.

Stash it in a clean, dry place away from any other toys that have a smell (here's looking at you, jelly) to keep it from accidentally taking on a similar odor.