Let me say first off that I am proud, proud indeed to review toys for You People Out There, you random wonderful people full of experimental horniness like I am. I am glad to be your guinea pig (not like that…ew). Consider me like your Aunt Marge that you served that questionable casserole to once because you didn't want to risk your good relatives. I would like to be your Underwriters Laboratory of Sex Toys. If I can better serve this great nation by shoving things up my vagina and having explosive orgasms in the name of the red, white, and blue, then by god I want in. And out. And in.

You’ll have to forgive me. I’m a bit chipper. I just tested this toy again and my legs are kind of tingly and I think my head got a rush of blood. I think I may even be seeing stars and stripes. I might really need to take a nap.

Maybe at some point, you’ve had a toy inserted into you, and another one interplaying somewhere else…your clit, your other hole, maybe you were actually just massaging yourself in a legitimate fashion like those ads that try to sell you a vibrator on the pretext that it’s for massaging your neck, when you know and they know nudgenudgewinkwink where you’ll stick it immediately upon its arrival in your box. Mailbox. Anyhow, you may have noticed that when one vibrate-y toy bumps into another vibrate-y toy and at least one is firmly placed against your Special Places that there is some sort of compound effect as the toys vibrate against each other and intensify the vibrations of both. (If you have NOT experienced this, grab a fistful of powerful toys and get thee into an appropriate position immediately. Be sure they vibrate to their extremities or it’s not going to do much. Something in the powertools category is optimum. Or something powered by Sears DieHard. Giggle…diehard.)

Anyhow, that’s what I was counting on this bad boy to capitalize on. They’re, after all, hard plastic, which helps magnify the effect, plus the slide-y adjust-y plastic thingie to keep the balls together made it all come together in my head. But this toy didn’t really manage it in practice. No matter what you do with the slide-y thing, the balls are still going to line up single file in your pussy, and when you get excited and squeeze on ‘em (hey, there are still vibrating things in your pussy…can’t go wrong with that), you’re kind of taming them into submission because the vibrations aren’t that strong. In fact, applying the ol’ pussy-squeeze causes them to make a pitiful electronic whining noise that resembles a cross between a fax machine and those little Hot Wheels racecars. If I cared that the toy was in evident pain, this might be a turnoff, but unfortunately I’m a tiny bit motivated to make my toys earn their slot in my collection and this actually egged me on.

The next thing I tried was to insert one anally and one vaginally. (Inserting a tiny slippery ball into one’s ass when one has fingernails is quite the feat if one’s preference is to not puncture one’s asshole.) This application was quite an improvement on the original trial. [Editor's note: hard plastic can't be sterilized, and wires do not serve as a reliable handle, so a condom is strongly recommended if inserting these anally.] The two still didn’t do much to bang into each other but the sensation of them knocking on the wall (“Hello, Ball #1, are you next door?” “Ball #2, is that you?” et cetera) was something. Not spectacular or earthshattering, but something. They didn’t really feel any different than a standard weak vibrator, and they weren’t slippery enough to have the advantage of a bullet, so didn’t shoot up to my G-spot when I squeezed. They stayed pretty much where I put them and whined. OW, you’re HURTING me.

Now for me, I don’t feel they’re worth the money. But I do delight in the Edenfantasys' packaging—the giant bubbled bubble-wrap—which makes a comfortable waterproof seat protector for one’s diddling fun. Frankly, rocking back and forth pantyless on the big bubbles turns me on a bit, but then so does cake with lardy frosting or foggy days so let’s not make too much of that.

Also, I just wanted to give them honorable mention for the name “double bubble”. Shape, size, and pastel colors certainly combine to be reminiscent of the pink bubblegum “Dubble Bubble” balls. Those were never particularly something I fantasized about putting in my vagina, probably largely due to the unpleasant white stuff they were dusted with to prevent them from sticking to the package, and probably partially due to irretrievability. But whatever, the name’s clever. I DO kind of want to put them in my mouth, but I’m not sure how thoroughly I washed them last time.