Lola - traditional vibrator discontinued by Cal Exotics - review by The Wolf

When I first pulled this toy out of the box, I burst into hysterics. It looks exactly like a sparkly zucchini. Now, I know it's shallow, but I really like the toys I fuck to be gorgeous, and well...fuckable. And this toy is hardly aesthetic. The material, hard plastic, while phthalates-free and easy to clean, is not the best or my favorite. Personally, I prefer silicone, which is velvety, safe and completely sterilizable. The stats of the vibe are as follows:
-7 inches, about half insertable
-0.3 pounds (very light)
-4.25 inches at widest insertable point, 3.25 at smallest
-control dial at bottom
-takes 2 AAs, not included

When I stopped laughing and worked up the courage to take Lola to bed, she broke almost immediately. I put the batteries in, with some difficulty, because as soon as the little spring on the top touched the battery, she started buzzing. To fix this, I turned the top, which controls on and off, and finally got the cap screwed on. Then, Lola wouldn't turn on unless I pushed the top into the vibrator. The control dial at the bottom had stopped working entirely. If it was meant to have more than one speed, it certainly didn't work on mine.

Well, I pushed on, trying to make the best of the situation. But it just got worse from there. Lola is quite loud, even when inserted. I threw a heavy blanket over me to dampen the noise. I was only able to insert Lola up to the tapered middle, leaving me wondering why the bottom part is ridged. And you see those ridges at the top part? I couldn't feel them one bit. The vibrations were pretty strong, but they aren't enough to get this toy in my bed again anytime soon. I gave up while I was ahead and finished my sesh with a more trusty toy.

This toy is, without a doubt, the worst I have ever used. It broke before I could even use it, the vibrations are cacophonous, and the design is utterly pointless. Don't bother.

I have not been tempted to use this toy again at all. I've moved right on in the search for a more satisfying and high-end toy, made of safe materials and with thoughtful design. For me, this toy just doesn't cut it.