Ultima II deep desire - traditional vibrator by Doc Johnson - review by Mari

First off people, notice what kind of batteries this uses. Notice it, notice it... DAMMIT, LOOK AT WHAT KIND OF BATTERIES THIS NEEDS!!!

And now that I'm certain that you've looked (you didn't really, did you? Well, I'm about to tell you lazy butts), you've seen that this baby uses C batteries. That really threw me off when I first got it. I was just so excited to try this sucker out, and I open up the battery case aaaaaand... I can't use the huge stash of AA batteries that I have. I have to go BUY batteries just for this. That certainly put a damper on my enthusiasm. In fact, I'm so pathetically lazy that it took me 2 weeks to actually get some batteries (I live in the dorms; I NEVER go to the store!) Now that the battery conundrum is out of the way, on to the actual review.

Anyway, this is a good vibe. It isn't too good if you have, say, roommates. It's rather loud and it buzzes. If you're just holding it on your open palm, it starts to buzz; mine did. Luckily, grabbing it and holding it tightly stopped the buzzing, but Ultima is still pretty noisy. However, it has the vroom to match the noise level, so if you live alone this baby is great for you.

For a basic go-to vibe, you can't really go wrong here. This is a nice, simple vibe- it allows you to try something different (different size, more powerful, etc.) without breaking the bank. This is a good thing for a college kid who is, well, broke. It's even made of safe materials! In my book, cheap and safe is the best combo out there.

My boyfriend just reminded me (he's on Skype and helping me with this), we used the Ultima II for his back. More on that under "Experience".

This baby is made with plastic. It's completely smooth, and, thankfully, Phthalates free, no worries on that front.

This is a nice, simple toy-- a straight, sleek shape, and shiny too! It's a little large, both in diameter and length, for beginning players, but most people should be fine with him. Easy to work, with just a twist nob on the bottom.
Not exactly a discreet toy, but fairly easy to hide if you use your sock drawer. However, if you try going through airport security, you can be sure that somebody is going to wonder what that long bullet shape in your bag is.

It's easy enough to work (assuming you get the right batteries!)-- insert said batteries, screw on the top, then turn by twisting the knob on the bottom.

If you crank this thing to max, it has pretty good power, but it will start to do an annoying little buzzing sound. OK, not little. Actually, it's very loud. However, this was done holding the toy in the flat of my hand; when I clamped down on the thing in fear that my roommate would hear (and wonder what was going on), the buzz stopped. Which was a relief.

Well, as I've mentioned already, this babys made of plastic. Meaning that it is porous, so you'd better wash it when you're done! Or, if you want, just use a condom with it.

Yet again, this toy came in a package with a very prominent naked woman. Because I just LOVE seeing a naked porn star on every side of the bright, colorful box my vibrator comes in. And, naturally, when I opened the package, my roommate was in. Needless to say, the presentation of the toy is... lacking in discretion.

Since I, personally, am not a huge fan of perfectly smooth toys (I can't seem to feel them very well), I haven't used "Alfred", as I named him, very much. When I explained to my boyfriend that it was a strong vibe, he suggested we use it as a massager. Because, technically, that IS what vibes are supposed to be. Read the outside of ANY package-- they all say "sold for novelty use only". And the best way to advertise a vibe in a store is to call it a massager (or a discreet massager). So we tried it out on his very sore back.

Much to my amusement, it worked out as a back massager quite well. It relaxed his back muscles very nicely. So if you decide this isn't a very good sex toy, it can always work as a nice, plain back massager. It's certainly powerful enough.