Astro - traditional vibrator discontinued by Erotic Embrace - review by Fuck it.

Astro is designed to be a hands-free vibrator. The Weeble-reminiscent base makes it really easy to just place on a bed and ride away. I love this because I usually try to use my vibrators that way. If you need to be on your back to get off, you'll probably need another toy. The base makes Astro really awkward to try to hold on to during use.

There is a giant flared base, so I guess this could be used anally. The circumference at the widest part is six inches - way out of my butt's comfort zone. If that doesn't worry you, slap a condom on it and go at it.

Yeah, I said six inches circumference. That's big to me. Don't buy this as your sheltered friend's first vibrator. I wouldn't even ordinarily want something this wide, but I couldn't pass up the hands-free idea. Size queens, I think this is yours.

The company's website says that the base can be used for massages. I don't doubt that you can, but it's not something I would want to do. If I'm going to use Astro with a partner it's going to be because I want some action while I'm giving oral; not because their shoulders hurt. "Oh here, let me rub my giant vibrator on you", just isn't the kind of massage I like to give. It seems kind of tacky to me.

I'm on good terms with elastomer. It's pretty safe, soft and doesn't smell funny. It would be perfect if it weren't a little sticky and didn't attract every bit of fuzz in my apartment. The packaging doesn't say anything about powdering it, but I may in the future to see if it keeps it any nicer.

There's no texture on the toy, unless you count a small raised bit on one of the sides. It's the same shape as the gel pads you put in the heels of your shoes. I guess the purpose is to add some more girth, but I'd probably be fine without it.

There was no smell when I opened the box and I haven't been tempted to taste it; as pretty as it is.

I'll be honest, when I first opened Astro I was disappointed. You know that cheap shiny finish that comes on a lot of bullets? The kind that you can scratch off? That's what the colored part is. I can tell from the pictures now that I know, but I was expecting sort of translucent plastic. It's also more of a teal than a bright blue. Oh well. I got over it.

The clear elastomer portion is triangular at the base and then rises into a rounded head that reminds me of Lelo's Ella. The circumference of the head is four inches. If you think the base is too much, Astro is still usable if you have a shallow G-spot because of the triangular design.

Astro doesn't really look like a vibrator. It doesn't look like anything else either. It's a weird-looking toy. If you're shy with showing people your toys, don't travel with Astro and make sure it's well-hidden when people come over.

The vibrations are only one speed which is sort of a medium. I wasn't able to get off with it vibrating and really wish it had different speeds. When not inserted, the vibrations seem like they're strongest at the top of the toy. While I was using it I didn't notice an odd distribution of vibrations.

Controlling Astro is fairly easy. You just turn the cap one way to turn it off and other way for on. Unlike normal (annoying) twist caps, this one isn't easy to accidentally twist during use. It's also quiet, so this would be a good toy for those of you with house mates. As futuristic and high-tech as Astro looks, it's not waterproof. So no sneaky shower time for those of you with room mates. I do really wish the effort to add an o-ring was made for two reasons. I think anything over $30 should be waterproof, especially if you want to thoroughly clean it. I also really hate having to scrape my, uh, evidence out of the inside of battery packs. The plastic bottom is hollow. It's a nightmare to clean without getting the battery compartment wet.

Astro is compatible with silicone and water-based lubes, but can't be boiled. I've been rinsing it before use and using toy wipes after. For the time being it's been hanging out on my dresser because I like to poke it and watch it wobble around when I walk by, but my partner has complained about me keeping sex toys out. So sadly, my wobbly little Astro will live in the box it came in. I'm worried some of my more firm toys will leave dents in the elastomer if I keep it in my toy box.

The packaging isn't too great. It's just your average clear plastic box with limited information. The only toy care instructions are to keep it out of direct sunlight and away from children.

After I got over the initial disappointment with the color, I settled on the bed with Astro. Good things happened without even having to turn it on. The length and wobbly base allowed me to rise Astro just like I do my partner. I got off fairly easily and apparently my brain didn't catch on to that not being sex because I wanted a good cuddle afterwards.

I figured it would be even better with the vibrations, but disappointment crept back in. There's no dial to adjust the vibrations. I needed to start at a lower level. I lost my arousal and gave up. While cleaning up I noticed that the base says "Maide in Jaqan". I'm glad I don't have the same standards for my toys as I do boys.