Jumpin' gyrator - traditional vibrator by Cal Exotics - review by jedent

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She's So Heavy

From a consumer standpoint, buying this toy thinking that it will vibrate is like buying a lawnmower thinking that it will mow gravel. It knocks and clunks around inside of a bright pink shell and does nothing that I could consider a "vibration." I give it a "1 star vroom" only because it applies to vibrational energy, but if i could, it'd be a 10 on the Richter Scale.

Shiver me timbers. And not in a good way, people.
Published:
Pros:
BIG!
Cons:
loud clunky motor, motor slows when pressure is applied to toy, doesn't vibrate but rather "knocks."
Rating by reviewer:
1
useful review

Use

Holy crap what a gigantic toy! Thick, heavy, and one bulgy piece of plastic. So if girth is your thing, this could be your thing. But wait! There's more! It vibrates...kinda. That is to say that it kind of jolts around and bumbles in a scary clunky sort of way.

Material / Texture

Smooth, plastic feeling plastic with a velvet like texture coats this whale of a vibe. The velvet texture is a bit more interesting than just smooth hard plastic, but I'm not sure that the slight difference in texture really does very much for this toy in the long run.

Design / Shape / Size

Large, bulgy, and HEAVY due to the fact that it requires 2 C batteries, this isn't a sweet little innocent vibe that you keep tucked in a drawer, nor is this what I'd consider to be "travel friendly." It's bigger than my electric tooth brush. In fact, it's bigger than any toy that I keep in my night stand drawer.

Honestly, some people may like the size. The size may indeed be its only selling point, in fact. I personally was not big on wanting to insert this fellow, and I'm a regular "dip in for more juices" type user when it comes to vibes.

Functions / Performance / Controls

Big mistake here with this biggun--it's motor doesn't live up to its cruel size, and it ends up kind of knocking around inside like a ferret on coke. By "gyrate" they mean more like "will walk straight off a table if you give it a minute." Think more of wind up chattering teeth than electronic buzzy pleasure.

Worst part of all is that when you press the toy against yourself with any pressure at all, the motor seems to slow down! I wouldn't classify this as a vibrator so much as a "heavy knocker" because when I think of vibrate I think of quick and agile. This was more like an engine running out of gas--and yes, these were fresh, out of the package batteries. (Actually, I was kind of pissed that I had to go out and buy C batteries for this one in the first place, as I usually only deal in AA and AAA.)

Oh, and this thing is LOUD! LOOOOOOUD! Loud as in "everyone will know what you're doing when you're doing it, and they'll tell you that you're doing it wrong because it's not supposed to sound like that."

Care and Maintenance

Oy! So you took it for a spin anyway and you'd like to clean it off. It's easy! Just wash it with warm soapy water, or a universal toy cleaner. Be sure to use water and silicone based lubricants only.
Follow-up commentary
Though I don't use this for sexual pleasure, this thing makes an awesome body massager. I use it on my shoulders a lot and it really tends to soothe. That may be all it's good for, or maybe more. I keep it around for in case one day I might decide to give it another try with the nethers.
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.
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Comments
  • liilii080
    Sounds like a disappointment. Is it multi-speed?
  • The Curious Couple
    Good review -- sorry the product didn't work out for you!
  • BadassFatass
    Good review. Better luck next time!
  • married with children
    good review, sorry it did not work for you
  • Kdlips
    Thanks for the review
  • Eucaly
    Thanks for the review!
  • Jon S
    ty for the review
  • slickwillie
    ty
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