The No-Throb-No-Vroom Hearts

Throbbing Hearts is so far the only vibe ladies and gentlemen know about what has a unique function of throbbing shaft, with large beads (I mean REALLY LARGE beads) moving in and out in a fast throbbing motion. Resembling a giant purple male flesh coupled up with a lil one it screams that it is something you must try!

I was lucky enough that this toy became available with half its original price, landing in the list of available toys for a free assignment for my rank. As I always wanted to try it just yowling that I should get it soon, growling about the price I found higher than what I would be willing to spend on something what may not be arousing enough for my taste, I was in ecstatic pleasure to hit the button with Godspeed and order it as quick as I could!

Lucky me! This is a toy what is worth NOTHING, as it does anything but its advertised purpose! So if you look for an enormous, hard and unforgiving dildo this will be one to get if you are willing to spend all that money for a material no one would wish to use without the always needed covering for it!

Throbbing Hearts has a plastic control bottom, and the soft TPE feeling totally like your average rubber items is a porous thing you MUST put a condom or toy cover on! Before doing so you will see that not only the touch but the smell and taste of this toy are rubber-like too. Being TPE it can't only handle water-based lubricants but silicone-based as well, and you can clean it with warm water and mild soap or toy cleaner.

I personally don't like the touch of the material at all. I once worked in a place where rubber parts were made, and all that black, smooth, shiny rubber developed a kind of admiration in me towards some kinds of it. (Not like a real fetish though, but I still love such sorts of rubber a lot!) So if you have some similar taste you will have to know that this rubber isn't that rubber, it feels like the poorest, yuckiest type even I don't want to feel on my skin! But oh well, I can deal with it, not a big deal...

It is totally smooth, has no texture at all other than the realistic looking heads and three small hearts to decorate it loyal to the expressive name. Even though it is smooth, straight and realistic, because of the enormous size it is for size queens and experimenting folks only!

The design is whimsically adorable for those whole love the shape of a male member. It reminds me of those entertaining hentai movies with the tentacle plants shaped in the same way, so that is an extra with the purple color for me. The three small hearts are also finely detailed, looking like gingerbread cookies. Pair it with the monstrous size, and you've got a very interesting looking toy you have never seen before!

It's not an accident I call it monstrous. The overall length is 10 3/4 inches, with the insertable length of 5 1/2 inches. The diameter doesn't sound scary too, with its 1 1/2 inches of diameter. Until you decide to open yourself up for this special, beastly toy... You will see that unless you are juiced enough inside there is no chance this toy could slide in easy and comfortably. The length and beefiness of the unyielding shaft demands the right mood to completely enjoy its unusually large size for a one-of-a-kind special toy. (As you already noticed, mostly when there is something new what hasn't been seen before the manufacturers make the toy in a size what fits pretty much everybody, with the exception of the very tight fleshed ladies.) For me it wasn't a big problem, it just took time to warm myself up with other vibes to be able to take this giant purple beast in...

I could hardly say this is a storage friendly toy... I can put it away of course, which means for now that I am cluttering my closet space up with a fastly growing pile of toys. I always turn to think how I could manage more storage space than what I already have, other than waiting for the rain to stop to work on my giant wooden toy chest more, so for now it is resting in its original package... As long as you can figure out where to put this un-Godly sized beast it won't be a problem for you. May I mention those interesting bags made for toys, to hang into your closet with your clothes to camouflage your storage method. The best option I can think of at the moment, if the size can handle it.

As Throbbing Hearts is waterproof you won't have to worry about living in a soaking wet area, though I wonder why would anyone care to save the motors in it... I am explaining it in the Functions and Performance section...

Well, what should I say about traveling with this monster? You already know what an unbelievable size it has, so if you can manage to take it with yourself then there you go! To take a toy intended for special purposes, falling short in that manner, and remaining to be a huge dildo only...

Here comes the part you have been waiting for!

The throbbing monster has a plastic control bottom first of all, with a tight battery case I have to fight with every single time it comes to changing the power source! I live in fear already that I am playing around with toys which need me to use a fork to dig the batteries out of their case, keeping me worried constantly what in the world I am doing...! Because my not extremely long but nicely grown nails all BREAK when I attempt it without my good dining tool, and that would be ok if I didn't have to do it so often.

But the fact that this toy GOBBLES BATTERIES LIKE NOTHING I HAVE EVER SEEN BEFORE already had me change it since the day of receiving and turning it on for a few seconds, becoming totally drained after a few second of use next day! That next day is today at the moment, which consisted of putting in another set of 4 AAA-s, which also got drained in seconds (they were used already though, in another vibe which ran on full power before I took them out), so I had to recharge the first set of batteries again to be able to try this annoying monster. After putting them in I experienced the same weird thing, and put it aside frustrated as hell, turning to other toys of mine.

Finally I figured out how it works! So the obvious part is that there are the buttons on the bottom controlling part, two on the top for the vibration and two on the bottom for the throbbing. Flashing lights inform you about the current patterns and functions going, which can be turned on with the ON button for the throbbing, and the BULLET ON/OFF button for the vibrations. ON for the throbbing will also increase the speed, being able the offer three of them, and the 7F button will go through these vibration patterns:

1. low constant vibration
2. medium constant vibration
3. high constant vibration
4. escalation
5. high pulsation
6. pulsation of two short medium and one long high pulses
7. fast high pulsation

I should have put all low, medium and high into quotation marks, because they are rather barely a hum, somewhat a buzz and awfully low. Even if you check it out behind the thick rubber head of the clit attachment you won't experience better results. So that part served a different purpose for me, ending up to keep the USB bullet I was using to stay in place, at least it was good for something...

So there are no problems with the horribly weak vibrations. They work each time I turn them on. Always the first pattern coming on, which means the toy doesn't remember the last function used. The same expected reliability can't be said about the throbbing shaft...

When you turn it on it throbs like crazy, and you are like yay, I can't wait to try it! I had the same enthusiasm, all warmed up already and getting to slide it into its right place, ready to turn it on when it's there. I did. You know what. I could feel the throbbing for about TWO SECONDS. I had to realize that I was going to write my second review in a row about a toy which I also cannot call a vibe (as you probably noticed), and what also stops working even if I arch my inner muscles just a WEE LITTLE BIT. It is even worse than the thrusting toys, because it doesn't even go on when the pressure is off of it. It COMPLETELY STOPS WORKING, and not only the throbbing action but THE VIBRATION TOO. I am writing it with caps because maybe it is a safety function, but it is totally outrageous! And you haven't heard it all! Because YOU CAN'T TURN IT BACK ON TOO! The vibrations come back on just fine, but a tiny squeeze with your hand is enough to stop the entire toy, and you will see that often the throbbing can't even be turned back on after that, and you have to wait for a while until it can come back on for 2-3 seconds. SHAME ON THE MANUFACTURERS!!!

So I can say that unless you are an extremely sensitive size queen who wants to use a girthy enough dildo with a totally weak vibration in the pretty clitoral arm you will be glad to have this toy! Just don't turn the throbbing ever on, because it must be draining the batteries in an eye blink! I almost forgot to add something... The throbbing effect makes as beastly noises as its size is, but as it won't work at all you will have a silently humming vibe only, so you can use it right next to your sleeping precious! And dare to drown it into your tub! Even if it isn't waterproof like it says who will regret it? You have a RABBIT DILDO!!!

Like I mentioned this TPE toy is fine with water- and silicone-based lubricants and water and mild soap or toy cleaner. And always use a condom to cover it, when you try it anally and share it as well!

And I store this waterproof vibe in its box so far, and wonder where I should keep it as it would take less space up without its original package. I will toss it into the lowest level of my toy chest when it is done, or won't even let it have its place in there, but I am more than sure that it will end up somewhere where I barely reach my paws in...

But I want to keep it somewhat handy anyway, because I have never encountered such a beastly toy, and I must say that you don't need no rotations for this thing, because the size is already fulfilling and arousing enough! So if you can get one for free then why not to get a giant purple cock with its lil one, and check out how much size matters for you!

The packaging of this toy doesn't only shout what it is for, on the top of that they put the minimally styleized picture of the other version of Throbbing Hearts on the back, yes, that ugly pink one! It is a half-transparent plastic box with a transparent plastic cradle to display your new giant vibe for you. It has all the needed info, some enthusiastic raving about what a cool and special toy you have got, and it takes up even more space than the toy itself.

For now it will do anyway for me, and I bet you will find a place for it too somehow, if you are still interested in this shame of manufacturing. Or maybe they did their best to create something fantastic and unique, just the first few prototypes aren't always so wonderful. We'll see...

If you wish to show someone more than what can be seen in the videos about Throbbing Hearts then you can send it in a way where it won't be so visible to just anyone that a pleasure toy has landed in the hands of its receiver. But you better try to get it for free or for a lower price, because I personally find it to be a total waste of money and points to spend even $30 on this progressive piece of crap. If I am wrong then I will have it replaced, or learn how the heck I could get it working right. Would be even better for free! Thank God I didn't have to spend a dime on it!

I am not writing in such an upset mood like how I felt about Jenna's Ultimate Stroker working almost as uselessly as this thing. (Though at least that toy has the capability to work when it's used in a special way.) Because I have got an enormous dildo I have never had, for free! It was an interesting and quite addictive experience to feel the unusual, straight and never bending girth in my flesh, and the clitoral arm was pretty much perfect to hold any average sized bullet vibes. Probably the very first toy ever what I can use happily as a dildo without any of its functions! So I think I will keep it around, to grab it when I am in the mood for something more fulfilling, something what is almost as pleasing as rotations! And then one day I will just have way better toys of its size. Until then it will do, yucky pretty rubber monster pee pee...

If you didn't read any parts of my review about it then let it be seen here:

THIS TOY DOESN'T DO ANY OF THE ADVERTISED FUNCTIONS!!!

It vibrates, it throbs, and you get none of them. You better look elsewhere. Unless you are really dying for this thing, or I am just too silly to figure out that it does work, just not how I use it. (Which isn't more different than any other ways females handle a rabbit toy.) I still hope that it was just me, and it has the secret how one can feel the throbbing inside. And not just miss them because of a tiny squeeze. I just yowl happy that I could finally try what I always wanted to experience, and it was for free, and not such a waste of money and points because I could get it with the free assignment in time!

I wish you the same luck if you decide you want to solve the mystery, or just have a huge purple rabbit cock around! A yucky rubber dildo rabbit!