Unfortunately, many women aren’t comfortable with their partner going down on them. Whether they’re worried they’ll smell or taste bad, are uncomfortable with how their vulva looks or don’t like all the attention to be focused on them, there are quite a few reasons for women not being okay with receiving oral sex.
And yes, there’s a minority of women who simply don’t enjoy the sensations of it.
Not every sexual act is for everyone. If, however, you or your partner doesn’t want to be eaten out for reasons such as being worried about the taste or smell, you need to know that as long as your hygiene is good, you have nothing to worry about. Shower daily and do NOT use soap or any douching products in the vagina. All you need is water. Soap on the outer labia may be fine, especially if you don’t shave/wax, but anything on the vulva or in the vagina can throw off the pH and cause infection or, in the least, bad odours. Also make sure you drink lots of water and eat a healthy, balanced diet.
If you’re uncomfortable with how your vulva looks, try to figure out why that is. What is preventing you from being comfortable with your body as a whole? Grab a hand-mirror and examine your parts... practice labelling all the different areas (inner labia, urethral meatus, clitoris, vaginal opening, etc) and start to see the beauty of it.
When it comes to not liking all the attention, that’s something else you need to really examine and figure out why it is that you feel that way. Think about if you’re comfortable with going down on your partner and giving them the attention they deserve and why it is that you don’t feel like you should have the favour returned.
Some women also don’t enjoy oral because they label themselves as being submissive and believe that receiving oral sex is a form of domination. This does not have to be the case. You and your partner get to decide on what acts are dominating and what aren’t. There are always ways of making it more of a submissive act. You can have them tie you up, blindfold you and/or even gag you while they go down on you. You can have them talk dirty and command you to do different things while they go down on you. Using your role as a sub or dom as a reason to not participate in an act you would enjoy isn’t a good enough excuse. Get creative and find a way to take part in these activities in a way that keeps you in your comfort zone. Being a sub does not mean you have to forfeit your sexual pleasure for your partner.
It’s also important to discuss how not every man enjoys or is comfortable with receiving oral. Many are not able to orgasm from this act and have found that this is quite upsetting for their partner. Many people take it personally if their male partner doesn’t orgasm from fellatio. They think it’s their own fault for not being good enough at giving oral, or even go as far as thinking their partner must not be attracted to them.
This is simply not the case. Women can’t orgasm from every sexual act, so why do people think it’s any different for men?
Many men absolutely love the sensations they receive from oral sex, but simply can’t orgasm from it. In no way does that mean they shouldn’t bother engaging in it. People commonly make the mistake of fixating on orgasm and viewing that as the primary goal of sexual play. Instead, try to simply focus on the aspect of pleasure. Try to give your partner as much enjoyable stimulation as possible without worrying about whether or not it will make them orgasm. Not only does this take the pressure off them feeling like they need to orgasm (which actually increases their chances of reaching climax), but it can also help you discover new techniques or new areas on their body that they’re sensitive to.
Some men find oral sex to be an uncomfortable sensation, or even painful. Many times this is due to their glans being too sensitive, which is commonly connected to phimosis or simply not having desensitized their glans (most common with uncircumcised men). Men should be able to fully retract their foreskin down past their coronal ridge. If you or your partner can’t do this, then it may be a good idea to see a doctor to get some steroid cream to help stretch your foreskin out. If it’s purely a matter of not being able to handle direct stimulation to the glans, then start peeling the foreskin back in the shower and letting the water hit the glans directly. This will probably be uncomfortable at first, but over time it will not be an issue, and eventually you’ll be able to take direct stimulation.
Lastly, some men feel that asking their partner to go down on them is degrading to their partner. They worry that it means they’re just trying to “use” them, since porn often portrays blow jobs as something that’s demeaning to the woman. It’s important to know that many women absolutely love giving oral sex and that it doesn’t have to be a dominating act to receive it from them. It can be a very loving and intimate experience if that is what you prefer.
It comes down to talking to your partner about it and figuring out what both of you are comfortable with. Discuss your boundaries, communicate about what feels good and what doesn’t and learn how to relax and fully enjoy yourself when you’re receiving oral.
And yes, there’s a minority of women who simply don’t enjoy the sensations of it.
Not every sexual act is for everyone. If, however, you or your partner doesn’t want to be eaten out for reasons such as being worried about the taste or smell, you need to know that as long as your hygiene is good, you have nothing to worry about. Shower daily and do NOT use soap or any douching products in the vagina. All you need is water. Soap on the outer labia may be fine, especially if you don’t shave/wax, but anything on the vulva or in the vagina can throw off the pH and cause infection or, in the least, bad odours. Also make sure you drink lots of water and eat a healthy, balanced diet.
If you’re uncomfortable with how your vulva looks, try to figure out why that is. What is preventing you from being comfortable with your body as a whole? Grab a hand-mirror and examine your parts... practice labelling all the different areas (inner labia, urethral meatus, clitoris, vaginal opening, etc) and start to see the beauty of it.
When it comes to not liking all the attention, that’s something else you need to really examine and figure out why it is that you feel that way. Think about if you’re comfortable with going down on your partner and giving them the attention they deserve and why it is that you don’t feel like you should have the favour returned.
Some women also don’t enjoy oral because they label themselves as being submissive and believe that receiving oral sex is a form of domination. This does not have to be the case. You and your partner get to decide on what acts are dominating and what aren’t. There are always ways of making it more of a submissive act. You can have them tie you up, blindfold you and/or even gag you while they go down on you. You can have them talk dirty and command you to do different things while they go down on you. Using your role as a sub or dom as a reason to not participate in an act you would enjoy isn’t a good enough excuse. Get creative and find a way to take part in these activities in a way that keeps you in your comfort zone. Being a sub does not mean you have to forfeit your sexual pleasure for your partner.
It’s also important to discuss how not every man enjoys or is comfortable with receiving oral. Many are not able to orgasm from this act and have found that this is quite upsetting for their partner. Many people take it personally if their male partner doesn’t orgasm from fellatio. They think it’s their own fault for not being good enough at giving oral, or even go as far as thinking their partner must not be attracted to them.
This is simply not the case. Women can’t orgasm from every sexual act, so why do people think it’s any different for men?
Many men absolutely love the sensations they receive from oral sex, but simply can’t orgasm from it. In no way does that mean they shouldn’t bother engaging in it. People commonly make the mistake of fixating on orgasm and viewing that as the primary goal of sexual play. Instead, try to simply focus on the aspect of pleasure. Try to give your partner as much enjoyable stimulation as possible without worrying about whether or not it will make them orgasm. Not only does this take the pressure off them feeling like they need to orgasm (which actually increases their chances of reaching climax), but it can also help you discover new techniques or new areas on their body that they’re sensitive to.
Some men find oral sex to be an uncomfortable sensation, or even painful. Many times this is due to their glans being too sensitive, which is commonly connected to phimosis or simply not having desensitized their glans (most common with uncircumcised men). Men should be able to fully retract their foreskin down past their coronal ridge. If you or your partner can’t do this, then it may be a good idea to see a doctor to get some steroid cream to help stretch your foreskin out. If it’s purely a matter of not being able to handle direct stimulation to the glans, then start peeling the foreskin back in the shower and letting the water hit the glans directly. This will probably be uncomfortable at first, but over time it will not be an issue, and eventually you’ll be able to take direct stimulation.
Lastly, some men feel that asking their partner to go down on them is degrading to their partner. They worry that it means they’re just trying to “use” them, since porn often portrays blow jobs as something that’s demeaning to the woman. It’s important to know that many women absolutely love giving oral sex and that it doesn’t have to be a dominating act to receive it from them. It can be a very loving and intimate experience if that is what you prefer.
It comes down to talking to your partner about it and figuring out what both of you are comfortable with. Discuss your boundaries, communicate about what feels good and what doesn’t and learn how to relax and fully enjoy yourself when you’re receiving oral.
Cunnilingus is one of a few sex acts that's become a litmus test: if you're a woman and you don't like it, the first place people go is: oh, well, you must have problems. You must not like your body, or you must have conflicts about sex.
I don't.
It took me a long time to own the fact that there's nothing wrong with me: it's just not my favorite thing. I rarely come that way, I don't enjoy staring at the ceiling, and there are about a zillion sex acts I'd rather do.
I do have one sex partner who really, really loves it, however, and feels really deprived when I don't let her go down on me. So? I let her, and occasionally, with her, I do now come that way.
Still, sex acts shouldn't be used as litmus tests. You can not like being the receiving partner for oral and be Just Fine sexually.
Also, I think your choice of illustration for this one is very amusing.
Thanks for acknowledging this. As a woman who is very comfortable with my sexuality, a lot of people struggle to understand why I don't like cunnilingus.
I LOVE giving fellatio. I've even brought myself to orgasm just by giving fellatio, and it's something that I fantasize about frequently... and that's probably the only reason why I've tolerated someone giving me cunnilingus before. I understand that sometimes other people like to give oral too.
But honestly, I'm happy with my body and love attention. I have no problem with how my vulva looks or smells. I don't think it's dirty. If anything, I think mouths are pretty dirty and I'm not a fan of having the remains of dinner transferred from your back teeth to my more delicate areas. But mostly, I just find cunnilingus incredibly BORING and a general turn-off. It will make my orgasm go away rather than bring it on. Tongues are neither fast enough nor firm enough to get my clit going, and they only end up feeling annoying. It's like trying to give someone a back massage with a limp lettuce leaf - for heavens sake just get your thumbs in there and stop messing around!
Yes, I know most women love receiving it, and a lot of people like giving it too. but if you're going to try, at least give me something to suck on so that I can stay horny.
I enjoy receiving it, but it pretty much never makes me orgasm. As a brief part of foreplay, it's fine, but I would rather do other things. Unless of course the goal is to just tease me, then it makes sense. Giving is fun too. I feel awkward with other lady parts, because I'm not as experienced with them though
I love receiving, and even if I don't orgasm that way with my partner, it's still a fabulous sensation. I usually don't always orgasm that way because I'm stressed with worrying how long it's taking me to take to orgasm, if I taste ok, smell ok, if he's stimulated. But then, I think of it the other way around, that sometimes he doesn't smell perfect or always taste like vanilla frosting, and I may get a bit bored with it, but I LOVE to do it FOR him and always will.
It's nice to hear I'm not the only one that just doesn't care for it, not because I'm embarrassed or worried just because I don't care for it. It's just not enough stimulation or sometimes too much. I love giving head though it's my fave thing to do which of course my hubby doesn't mind I've came from being eatin out a couple times while in 69 position, and we've been together for 10 years. it's not because he hasn't tried it's not because there's something wrong with me it's just not my thing. It definitely helps to hear other women feel the same
Thanks for all the comments, everyone. Really interesting stuff to read through! I just wanted to mention to Librarian- please don't worry about how long it takes you to reach orgasm sometimes. Women on average take 20-30 minutes to reach orgasm with a partner. Instead, just enjoy it and know that your partner is loving what they're doing and are in no way trying to rush you to orgasm. When you start to worry about things instead of just staying present in the sexual activity, it's called "spectatoring" and it prevents you from being able to reach orgasm as well as detracting from the experience overall.
This is one area Im super confident in . Hubby loooooooooves to give it and I loooooove to take it. Match made in haven,
I really enjoyed reading this because to be honest I was never really comfortable receiving oral but I felt fine giving. My mind would always drift to thoughts of what if it smelled or looked weird. I would never be able to orgasm because I was thinking too much and could never just enjoy it. I eventually just stopped asking for it and if my man offered I just said no. After reading this it totally changes my opinion. I guess I will have to go back and give it a try. :-D
also, performing cunnilingus can be very pleasurable. My girlfriend and I (I am a woman) both don't tend to orgasm from oral sex, or even receive a huge amount of pleasure, but we both really like going down on each other. So, there's that to keep in mind as well.
loved the article
Great Read!