A nice married couple had apparently been playing on a Friday night, or sometime early Saturday morning. The lovely wife was playing with a vibrator near her husband’s anus and the damn thing got sucked up. Apparently, they did not know that there are toys that are made for that purpose that have these wonderful flanges on it to stop them from being sucked up. Boom, it was gone
So this man, thinking that things normally come out that chute, waits for it to come out. By the way, the vibrator is still on. So he waits around all day Saturday and then he decides that he cannot take it anymore and goes to his local Emergency Department. Well, not his local one because someone there might know him. He drives past several local hospitals and goes to the large urban trauma center on a Saturday night.
Now, anyone who has ever been to a large trauma center on a Saturday night knows that this just isn’t a good idea. See, that’s when everyone who is partying, out getting knifed, people in car accidents, and other sorts of victims from stupid human tricks that went wrong hang out at the Emergency department.
The man gets quite angry that he has to wait in the waiting room because the rumbling vibrator in his belly really isn’t that big of an emergency, his blood pressure is somewhat good and the bleeding kid with the knife wound in his back gets to go in before him. He is pissed. Well, the vibrator has been in there for several hours and you aren’t passing any blood.
So the man ends up waiting for hours and this nice nurse takes him back to his room. He has to be an ass and yell at the nurse because he had to wait while his tummy rumbled. Hint, if you want the nurse to remain nice and give you drugs…Don’t be an asshole! So the nurse gets out her stethoscope and listens to the man’s rumbling tummy. Dang, it is still going. The nurse asks the wife, what type of batteries did you use? This pisses the man off even more. The wife is laughing so hard she is about ready to pee herself.
We get an X-ray and, yep, there it is. Dang, it’s way up there and it is still rumbling. Yes sir, the surgeon will be in to see you. No, you have to wait; he is with a car accident right now. Yes sir, I know you are having stomach pains you have a vibe up your ass. Yes sir, I know that it has been there for hours. If you want something from the nurses, don’t be an asshole!
So the time goes by and the man is getting to be more and more of an ass. Yes sir, I know you have been here for hours and you had to wait in the waiting room for hours. It is a Saturday night in the emergency department. Yes, the surgeon is coming; he is with a gunshot victim right now. Good, the batteries died. No sir, you cannot eat anything you have a vibe up your tummy and you may need to go to surgery. Don’t be an asshole!
Meanwhile, for all these hours the poor wife is taking a huge rationing of shit from the husband. Yes ma’am, I will see if I can drug him. The exhausted surgeon shows up and presses on the man’s belly. He looks at the x-ray and asks “How big is it?” The husband, with a show of his hands, demonstrates about 8 inches long and 3 inches around. The wife, shaking her head, shows with her hands about 4 inches long and one inch around. This nurse then looks at the surgeon and states, “I’d go with her dimensions.” At this time, we all bust out laughing including the wife but the man is turning a bright red. Here come the drugs….
This is a true story, no I don’t remember the names, wouldn’t want to. I certainly remember the situation. This occurred years ago in a very busy Emergency Department. The staff got mileage of this case for weeks. So be educated and smart, only use it there if it goes there and don’t be an asshole!
So this man, thinking that things normally come out that chute, waits for it to come out. By the way, the vibrator is still on. So he waits around all day Saturday and then he decides that he cannot take it anymore and goes to his local Emergency Department. Well, not his local one because someone there might know him. He drives past several local hospitals and goes to the large urban trauma center on a Saturday night.
Now, anyone who has ever been to a large trauma center on a Saturday night knows that this just isn’t a good idea. See, that’s when everyone who is partying, out getting knifed, people in car accidents, and other sorts of victims from stupid human tricks that went wrong hang out at the Emergency department.
The man gets quite angry that he has to wait in the waiting room because the rumbling vibrator in his belly really isn’t that big of an emergency, his blood pressure is somewhat good and the bleeding kid with the knife wound in his back gets to go in before him. He is pissed. Well, the vibrator has been in there for several hours and you aren’t passing any blood.
So the man ends up waiting for hours and this nice nurse takes him back to his room. He has to be an ass and yell at the nurse because he had to wait while his tummy rumbled. Hint, if you want the nurse to remain nice and give you drugs…Don’t be an asshole! So the nurse gets out her stethoscope and listens to the man’s rumbling tummy. Dang, it is still going. The nurse asks the wife, what type of batteries did you use? This pisses the man off even more. The wife is laughing so hard she is about ready to pee herself.
We get an X-ray and, yep, there it is. Dang, it’s way up there and it is still rumbling. Yes sir, the surgeon will be in to see you. No, you have to wait; he is with a car accident right now. Yes sir, I know you are having stomach pains you have a vibe up your ass. Yes sir, I know that it has been there for hours. If you want something from the nurses, don’t be an asshole!
So the time goes by and the man is getting to be more and more of an ass. Yes sir, I know you have been here for hours and you had to wait in the waiting room for hours. It is a Saturday night in the emergency department. Yes, the surgeon is coming; he is with a gunshot victim right now. Good, the batteries died. No sir, you cannot eat anything you have a vibe up your tummy and you may need to go to surgery. Don’t be an asshole!
Meanwhile, for all these hours the poor wife is taking a huge rationing of shit from the husband. Yes ma’am, I will see if I can drug him. The exhausted surgeon shows up and presses on the man’s belly. He looks at the x-ray and asks “How big is it?” The husband, with a show of his hands, demonstrates about 8 inches long and 3 inches around. The wife, shaking her head, shows with her hands about 4 inches long and one inch around. This nurse then looks at the surgeon and states, “I’d go with her dimensions.” At this time, we all bust out laughing including the wife but the man is turning a bright red. Here come the drugs….
This is a true story, no I don’t remember the names, wouldn’t want to. I certainly remember the situation. This occurred years ago in a very busy Emergency Department. The staff got mileage of this case for weeks. So be educated and smart, only use it there if it goes there and don’t be an asshole!
Just goes to show that this happens more often than people think. Be safe people, use toys intended for anal play in your bum!
I'm rolling because I can see this scene playing out!!! Not from the wife's view but from the nurses'!!!! I was right there with you throughout it- including the attitude! Thanks for sharing!!
Oh my god I can so see this scene it is funny but not. This is why there are safety issues when it comes to toys for the booty. Thanks for sharing!
I want to slap that man. I'm sorry but you being in pain because of something stupid YOU did does NOT take precedence over people with serious, life threatening injuries. Your embarrassment is why you're in a packed ER, and it's your own damn fault. He shouldn't be embarrassed he had a toy up his ass. He should be embarrassed he had the disgusting selfishness to be IGNORANT to the medical staff who are wasting their VERY valuable time with him all because he & his wife screwed up whole getting their rocks off.
For the record, I've been in his situation. I was in my late teens and was lucky to have a vibrator, let alone know what a butt plug was at that point. I screwed up, bamn. Up the shoot. My (now) husband's license was suspended, & I didn't have one, yet. I was NOT asking my mom to drive me to the ER because I had a 6 inch glow in the dark vibrator stuck up my arse. It took about 16 hours, most of which I spent standing and moving around because it hurt so bad to sit down, and I was hoping to work it out with motion. Thankfully, it wasn't messy, just painful when it worked itself out. Yes, it hurt, and I have SEVERE intestinal problems because of several chronic illnesses which made it even more fun. But it was our own fault. Like hell would I have had the audacity to attack or be rude to other people over it, not even my husband who was *technically* to blame (long story).
Maybe I'm just uptight but I can't stand people being ignorant to others, especially for no reason. And he put himself in that situation. My Aunt was ignored in an ER for 3 hours while having a heart attack. Her cardiologist said that the lack of interference & care on the ER's part cut years off of her life.
A few years ago I was in the (same) ER with a severe bacterial intestinal infection that put me in so much pain, I truly thought I was dying (I have fibromyalgia with massive, severe pain as well as MS....so when I say serious pain, I'm not kidding), and was later told I was lucky that I DIDN'T die from it. First, they screwed me off in the ER for hours and hours while I was in agony to the point I was throwing up stomach acid because I'd been throwing up everything in my stomach for days but it hurt so bad my body kept retching, even though there was one other person there, who was there for, get this: the sniffles. Shit you not. They'd had a cold for two days and were panicking (one of the nurses kept grumbling it was a regular hypochondriac of theirs). But okay, fine, maybe things were going on I couldn't see. But then they REALLY screwed up: they were supposed to quarantine me for three weeks (I didn't find out until over a week later that this infection is deadly if not treated within a couple days of onset) & find out every place I'd been, everything I'd eaten for two weeks, what people and animals I interacted with, all of it. They did none of this. They told me NONE of this. They did the tests, told me I had a bacterial intestinal infection, gave me prescriptions and sent me on my way.
A few days later, I had to rush several states away because my girlfriend's mother had passed away and I had to get her there, and I sure as hell wasn't letting her go alone.
So, because the ER screwed up & didn't quarantine me or even tell me this infection was dangerous, I get a call while in Florida from the local health unit back home telling me they're going to have me ARRESTED when I get home for "public endangerment" and all this crap. Because the ER lied to them and told them that they'd tried to quarantine me & I'd "become violent and threatening and insisted on leaving."
I was doped out of my head with demoral (sp?) to help with the pain that night. One of the nurses & my girlfriend had to help me into a wheelchair and wheel me to my car for my girlfriend to drive us home that night. I couldn't have been combative if I'd tried.
So, as far as ER's go, that asshat should count himself lucky that the nurses & Doctor's didn't laugh at his sorry ass and turn his X-Rays into a giant bulletin board in the ER waiting room that's said "Friends don't let friends bugger with vibes. Bugger responsibly."
I know this is supposed to be a "lol" story + cautionary tale but I just want to punch this guy so hard, more than just a vibe would pop out his butt.
Trust me I understand. After years as working as an Emergency room nurse you wouldn't believe all of the stories i could tell you. I actually have seen at least 10 vibes and dildo's gone missing as well ass assorted things that people put up their butt accidentally! Or fell on them.
Wow. Embarrassed AND entitled. Just wow.
Omg, I thought this was hilarious. I LOL'ed for real..
Thanks for sharing. ROTFLMAO! I guess this is where one would suggest education through eden fantasy! I do have to wonder suffering through the hours of stuck dildo how many Os were possible. I mean why wait for hours before you even go to ER? My hubby would have tried a bag of Sugar free chocolate or Fleet's Phosphasoda before going to the ER...(rolling eyes)
love this