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Hotel Sex: A Short Guide To Getting It On Away from Home

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Here's a hint: handcuffs + sprinkler system = disaster.

  Hotel Hell

DON’T forget to put the “Do Not Disturb” sign on your room door. You don’t want hotel personnel walking in on your fun. Believe me, I know. I was once going at it with a hot guy in a rowdy afternoon poke session when the maid walked in on us. My bad. I’d forgotten to put the sign up. The maid got an eyeful…but I’m guessing it wasn’t her first. (To be honest, getting caught was very stimulating and led to multiple orgasms after she’d gone.)

DON’T hold back. You’re not going to wake the kids. Who cares what the schmucks in the next room think? Moan and yell out your luscious orgasms and let everyone within earshot know you’re having your having the kind of sex they only dream of. Couple of things, though: This rule is applicable to hotels, since bed and breakfasts are much like staying in someone’s home and you’ll be face to face with other guests at breakfast the next morning. Also, knock it off at a reasonable hour. Everyone needs to sleep.

DON’T hole up in your room the entire stay. Get up. Walk around. Stretch. Visit the local sites like museums, parks and shops. Eat at a nice restaurant for at least one meal or two. Did we mention a visit to the hot tub or pool?

DON’T handcuff yourself to the sprinkler system. During the 1997 Disclave science fiction convention, someone snapped the fire sprinkler from the ceiling during a bout of kinky early-morning sex, flooding that room, the adjacent rooms, the lobby and a ballroom on the floors below. The hotel was evacuated. People are still talking about it.

DON’T just wear the same old same old. This is your chance to be your secret self. Women, dress up a slinky cocktail dress or filmy blouse that leaves little to the imagination; for guys, suit up in a fancy shirt and trousers. Not only will you look wonderful, you’ll feel energized and sexy as you sip your pre-coital cocktail at the bar. Go ahead: turn every head in the room. It’s a turn-on for them as well as you.

DON’T be anti-social. One point of going to a hotel is to meet new people and explore new kinks. Did we mention a visit to the hot tub or pool?

So now that you know the ropes—and don’t forget them if that’s what you’re into—go forth and make reservations. The hotel sex you’ll be having will give a whole new meaning to the term “room service.”


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