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The Plight of the Submissive Feminist

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When you’ve spent most of your life fighting to be taken seriously as a woman, it can be extraordinarily grating to discover that you want to call any man “sir.” This, then, is the plight of the feminist sexual submissive—how do you maintain your identity as a strong, intelligent, independent woman when you also get off on letting people push you around?


Contributor: wild-ting

Interesting post. I frequently read (blogs, fetlife) of submissives struggling to reconcile being a feminist and a sexual submissive.

I've never had that issue. I've been a feminist since I knew what the word meant and understood the movement (around age 13). Six months ago I discovered and accepted my submissive self. Never has there been guilt about being one or the other or a struggle to mesh the two.

To me, quite easily each of those parts of me rest comfortably together. Really being a feminist is about embracing being a woman and not having womanhood thought of as less than anything else. It's about rights and choices to do as you see fit for you...being a woman. Being submissive is not being weak. My Dom and a few other I know never want weak women, the want a powerful self-assured woman. That way there is some power to be given to them and cherished. No one respects a weak woman or man.

In fact, understanding, embracing and expressing my submissive self gives me strength. I feel empowered.

Contributor: sunzad

There is a book dedicated to this subject called "Coming to Power" edited by members of SAMOIS, a lesbian/feminist S/M organization. My version is the 3rd edition printed in 1987.

Contributor: d

Can we all just stop pretending that female submission is a feminist act?

I am a vegetarian that loves Duck. Is Duck vegetarian? No. Do I beat myself up over my love of Duck confit? Well I guess I could, but I'd rather not. I also prefer not to pretend that my penchant for rough sex with thin white chicks is somehow not at odds with my humanism... because it is. Consent doesn't make a sexual act politically consistent or correct, it just makes it legal.

The flaw in your logic is that you must have reconciliation. But there is no reconciliation of "Sir" in email with "Sir" in the bedroom, beyond that referenced by George Orwell. Nor is there a feminist place for your use of the word "gift".

Some personal inconsistencies just aren't worth the guilt. You need not apologize for every little contradiction. Take a lesson from the Catholics. Some sins are peccadilloes while others get you excommunicated. Such is the case with you.

You are indeed a feminist woman... that prefers to do some very unfeminist things behind closed doors. Own up to it and help us move forward as a society. You don't find power, by letting it go. You find a great orgasm. And that's just fine.

Contributor: CamelliaGirl

Dude. This is why I have an easier time sleeping with girls. It can't be unfeminist to submit to a woman, right?