Pure wand - anal probe by Njoy - review by Spiking Glue

I had read the poetry written by others, about the Pure Wand, and hoped they’d all prove true. I’m sure you have, too. You know what? For the most part, yeah, it is true. It’s art on Earth, in a crescent shaped bit of stainless steel. It deserves all the praise, a little more, and also a little less. I hesitated to write a review, which essentially agreed with all other reviews, but a single voice in a choir really only makes for a stronger song, right?

I cannot help but sexualize steel. It’s part of my make up. Take me to a hardware store? Omygosh. I’m worthless for conversation. I fondle bolts of rope and peg isles of clips and chains as if... well, as if it were a sex toy store.

So, when I read reviews that claimed the Pure Wand was ‘advanced’, I was a bit bummed out. I knew I was not ‘advanced’. I couldn’t take a big dong, and I didn’t like a hard fuck, and I had no idea what sort of penetrative whatever made me actually come, and I didn’t own many toys that had similar ‘advanced!’ warnings.

Buuuut.... holy shit, metal is sexy. And, the girth didn’t seem *so* bad... and... it didn’t seem all that complex... not even all that expensive, when taken into consideration.

So, one night, I gave in and ordered it.

The day it arrived, I plucked it off my front porch and boggled at the sheer weight of the humbly labeled box. I couldn’t remember ordering anything that was actually heavy. I raised it up and dropped the box a couple times, testing the weight, and finally read the label... the code... the secret hand shake... Open Enterprises.

OMG the wand! :D The wand is here!

I had to go to work. It seems, all the sex toys I *really* want to try arrive on my lunch break. So, at work, all I did was think of its simple curve, the two differently sized balls... the hard, cold steel, and the weight... the slippery, the cold, the hard... the weight.....

Yes, I was horny all afternoon long.

I came home, and immediately hurt myself with the wand. Sadly, the wand came to me at a time of the month, which my insides are actually extremely tender. I woke up in the morning full of regret, thinking to myself, “Is this what ‘advanced’ means?”

The wand, when inserted, is heavy. It’s probably heavier than you think, even after you read the stats. 3 pounds, so what? But it *is* heavy, especially since all 3 lbs is concentrated on a little 1-2” ball in your favorite orifice. If you don’t pay attention to what you want, it’s remarkably easy to just use the wand as a battle axe on your insides and wreck havoc on all your favorite bits. I’m sure you all are far more sensible than I, where it pertains to heavy, hard, things on your favorite parts... but be careful and pay attention. You’ll be happier for it.

An appropriate amount of time later, I tried it again. I paid more attention, I moved slower, I was methodic. I could not just set it in and squeeze, like a few lucky ladies could, feeling it resist and push itself back in... I had to move it on my own, and honestly, it’s quite an astounding feeling just like that, as is.

It was cold where my body split in wet heat. It was firm where my body wanted firmness. It was relentless, because I am flesh and it is not. So long as my wrist held out, the deep, firm, hard, smooth pressure could not end.

Honestly, I’m still unsure why this toy is considered ‘advanced’, all I know is it makes me come so hard, I assume a fetal position during the process. I don’t use it every day because... you don’t need to attack every minor uprising with a nuclear missile and the Green Beret. Is that what ‘advanced’ is? If that’s so, I can’t really argue it.

It rubs mercilessly, your g-spot area. Like the proverbial Chuck Norris, it does not care if you say ‘uncle’. It is cold upon entry, hot on exit, it is hard all around, and heavy forever. Oy, mein Gott. It is, ultra, super cool, sexy.

It fucks like Elvis. Young Elvis – in bell bottoms, with side burns, an acoustic guitar, glitter, and lip balm. Oh, yeah.