Away from me, ye giant penis.

Not for beginners. Let me repeat - NOT for beginners, but if you like things large and in-charge, go for it.
Published:
Pros:
Pretty, flexible, looks like a legit penis, no balls
Cons:
GARGANTUAN, OMG SO THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO GIVE BIRTH IN REVERSE
Rating by reviewer:
2
useful review
I am a true beginner, as beginnery as they come (pun entirely intended). I had never used a dildo before this one. So I bought this, because a) reviews said it was good for beginners, b) it is described as being soft, and c) it's pink, and I like pink. Don't judge me.

So. It came in the mail and I was both excited and apprehensive to open it and see it in person. I love the color, because it really is cute. The color makes it friendlier somehow. I don't even mind the strawberry shower curtains smell that someone else mentioned (which is definitely there, but you don't notice it after a while). But alas, dear readers, I cannot fit this Buick of a penis into my poor, miniature gumbo pot. It simply will not fit. I have tried! I have tried gently. I have tried forcefully. I have tried not all that wet. I have tried very very wet. I have tried lying, I have tried sitting, I have tried standing, but this thing is Not. Going. In. Which is disappointing, because it really is fun to squeeze and such. It's fun to keep in my underwear drawer. Just knowing it is there makes me feel like a rebel. Hopefully my roommate will not go delving in there for any reason, but if she did, I already know what I would say: "Well, what were you doing in my underwear drawer, anyway!"

For now, this is my penis stress ball. I just take it out sometimes and squeeze it for fun. It's squishy (though not nearly as soft as I thought it would be), cheap, a pretty color, and fun to flop around. I just wish my vagina didn't shudder in fear every time I whipped it out. This thing is truly terrifying. It is not the length that is the problem. You don't have to put all of it in - it's how big around it is. My va-jay-jay has just made up its mind that it is not getting in there, and my va-jay-jay apparently has a very good home security system. Maybe I'll have better luck with the next one. But, all that to say, beginners beware. If you are not in possession of, shall we say, a two-car garage down there, this is not the fake penis for you.
Follow-up commentary
Ultimately, I ended up throwing this one away. I couldn't get it to fit, it was super uncomfortable, and I couldn't boil it and sell it or give it away, so in the end, I thought it was best to just pitch it. Sad, because it was so cute! Hopefully I'll have better luck in the future.
This content is the opinion of the submitting contributor and is not endorsed by EdenFantasys.com
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My Mr. Softee tags
  • Who / How / What
    [ ? ]
    Who might this product be best for? How is it best used? What are the best circumstances or situations for using this product?
    • Masturbation
    • Solo
  • Where
    [ ? ]
    Where / what types of places can this product be used?
    • Bath / shower
    • Bedroom / on a bed
    • Campus/roommate living
  • Body / part areas
    [ ? ]
    What areas on the body can this product be used / what areas does it stimulate best?
    • Genitals
This review was edited by
  • Mistress M. Mistress M.
  • Rank:
     
    7.3
  • Edited reviews: 33
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Comments
  • WetJenn
    WetJenn  
    Thanks for the review. Good Start!
  • kendra30752
    kendra30752  
    LOL! I love your humor here! This was such an entertaining review. You done a wonderful job. What a disappointment that it didn't fit though! I have had that happen and I know exactly how you feel. It's like you keep trying and trying thinking this thing HAS to go in at some point and nothing. Lol. I have more than one vibrator that's laid in it's drawer for over a year without ever being introduced to my innards! Lol. Maybe you'll eventually be able to take this one. For me, if it don't fit, it never will. I suppose you could work hard to stretch things out long enough to use a large dildo, but then again, stretching sounds painful to me too! Lol. Better luck with your next toy and I will be looking forward to reading more reviews from you. Keep up the good humor!
  • Boobs and Lubes
    Boobs and Lubes  
    lube, more lube, and then practice, and oh some more lube. good luck
  • Kate
    Kate  
    your review was fun to read and made me giggle lol thanks for posting!
  • SMichelle
    SMichelle  
    This was fun to read... Good job.
  • unfulfilled
    unfulfilled  
    That was a great review. How girthy is that big boy?
  • moongirl
    moongirl  
    Moreso than it looks. I could fit my fingers around it, but apparently that's not as much of an "it will fit" indication as I thought it was.
  • Lindsey123
    Lindsey123  
    Relax your muscles first. Take ten seconds of deep breaths and don't think about it. It'll help it slide in easier.
  • LuciFaery
    LuciFaery  
    Thank you for the review!
  • Kirill1171
    Kirill1171  
    Good job.
  • Sima-pusya
    Sima-pusya  
    Thanks for sharing!
  • lovebites
    lovebites  
    thanks for the review!
  • hawaiian chick
    hawaiian chick  
    Great review! That thing looks monsterous!
  • Andrey2052
    Andrey2052  
    Thanks for the review.
Forum
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