Humor » Satire: "The Bloggess: Honestly, I feel a little guilty."

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The Bloggess: Honestly, I feel a little guilty.

The Bloggess:  Honestly, I feel a little guilty.
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But not really guilty enough to correct him.

  Kevin speaks

Kevin: You should interview me for your sex column. ‘Cause I’m like a love doctor.

Me: Ew.

Kevin: No seriously, I get a lot of pussy.

Me: Not a fan of the p-word, Kevin.

Kevin: Fine. But I’m like waist deep in vagina. I’m up to my elbows in vagina.

Me: Please let that be euphemism.

Kevin: Like, I need to put on hip-waders just to get through all this vagina.

Me: ?

Kevin: Besides, you only interview girls and you need a man to even out all the ovary-ness.

Me: Ovary-ness?

Kevin: Yeah.

Me: Okay, I can’t even pretend I’m not intrigued. Astound me with your knowledge of sexuality.

Kevin: Well, last time I had sex? It was totally sexy. Way sexy.

Me: Wow. Are you some kind of poet?

Kevin: I’m just saying that it was hot. I totally ravaged her.

Me: Uh…what?

Kevin: What? It was hot. I’m sexy. She got ravaged.

Me: Do you mean “ravished?”

Kevin: No. Ravaged. Like, I ravaged her whole body.

Me: Ravaged? You ravaged her vagina?

Kevin: Totally.

Me: It’s not “ravaged”, Kevin. It’s “ravished”.

Kevin: I don’t think so.

Me: No, it is and you’re embarrassing both of us, and the woman you “ravished”, by not being able to describe it correctly.

Kevin: I’m pretty sure it’s “ravaged”.

Me: Let’s look it up, shall we? Ravished: To give great delight to; enrapture. Ravaged: The act of destroying, devastating or ruining.

Kevin: Technically both of those work.

Me: You “ruined” her vagina?

Kevin: I DESTROYED it.

Me: My. God.

Kevin: What?

Me: This is why women turn to lesbianism, Kevin. No one wants their vagina destroyed. For the love of God, at least use the correct terminology.

Kevin: Fine! I totally…what is it? Radished her?

Me: Yeah. Radished. That’s…exactly what we call it.

Kevin: Cool. I totally radished her. Hardcore.

Me: Awesome. This is all going in the interview.

Kevin: Bad-ass.



* Special note to the next girl Kevin offers to “totally radish”: I’m really, really sorry.

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Comments

OMG! hahahahaha! OMG I feel so bad for this guy, "radished"! XD

10/07/2011

I can see it now... "hey baby I want to totally radish you tonight!" wow...

02/12/2012

lol thank you Kevin for your wondeful radish I will think of you while I am chopping, pickling, baking, stir frying and shredding Diakon radishs.

05/06/2012

Real tears are rolling down my face from the laughter. Thank you so much for sharing this!

11/25/2013

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Interviews with The Bloggess

  • Most people know Jenny as The Bloggess, a prolific writer with a sense of humor and style that many are scrambling to imitate. How does a woman who hides in the bathroom at most blogger conferences and muses on clown porn get to be an online sensation?

    Jenny is a columnist, blogger, mom and comedian. Her personal blog, [http://thebloggess.com/|thebloggess.com], is extremely popular and has developed a cult following, according to Marie Claire Magazine. She’s been a regular contributor to the online Houston Chronicle since 2006 and also writes a popular advice column for PNN and a satirical sex column for [http://www.edenfantasys.com/sexis/columns/the-bloggess/|SexIs Magazine]. Jenny has been the keynote speaker at major conferences, as well as featured on countless sites including Salon.com and MSNBC; and Gawker once referred to her as an "interesting psycho". She prefers the term "creative visionary". Jenny suggests you ask her about how she gets her hair so shiny, or what’s wrong with her. But we know that’s a wig, and there’s nothing wrong with Jenny – she created a pitch perfect style that grabs readers, and keeps them. Whether inadvertently mobilizing the Bloggess Army, going to [http://www.edenfantasys.com/sexis/adult-humor/bloggess-does-japan4-110691/|Japan] on a sex culture / geisha mission of sorts, interviewing [http://www.edenfantasys.com/sexis/adult-humor/bloggess-nina-hartley-best-friend-0204101/|porn stars], giving sex advice, or relating the hilarious arguments she has with [http://thebloggess.com/?p=5168|her husband], The Bloggess has us hooked. Join us in learning more about this unpredictable funny lady.

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