"I assess the power of a will by how much resistance, pain, torture it endures and knows how to turn to its advantage."
I was sick, and it wasn't psychologically. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia six years later. From the age of 15, I had been in and out of doctor's offices desperately trying to know what was wrong with me. No one had any answers for years. Finally I had one. I have a condition that will never go away. One that leaves me in pain every day of my life.
So why do I seek out pain for pleasure?
From the outside, even I think I may be a little crazy, but from the inside it makes perfect sense. BDSM play releases a ton of chemicals in the brain, and all of them are feel good chemicals. See, when my boyfriend tans my backside so hard I can't sit down for three days, I don't hurt like I do every other day. Sure, my butt stings a lot, but my maddening nerve pain shuts up.
Many doctors are finding that fibromyalgia is an issue with the brain chemistry. They think that I don’t produce enough serotonin, GABA protein, and dopamine. This means that I don’t sleep. When I don’t sleep, my body cannot produce enough growth hormone to repair my body. Thus, I hurt. My body can’t keep up with the normal wear and tear placed on it, much less any injury or illness.
Long story short, Fibromyalgia sucks. But something magical happens when I get a good flogging. My brain kicks on. It produces all those lovely chemicals all on its own. Sure, flogging hurts, but it hurts the way it is supposed to. It hurt so good. I have relief better than any opiate they have prescribed me. I sleep. I sleep deeply and well. I have energy. But most of all, I don’t hurt as bad. I no longer feel that chewing off my limbs may just feel better than having them attached.
I played for a long time with in a relationship. I didn’t talk to others about it until I got together with my current partner. He, along with Edenfantasys.com, introduced me to the larger BDSM community. I joined fetlife.com, a social networking site for kinksters, and I found groups for fibro sufferers that enjoy BDSM. So many of them report the same affects that I found; BDSM gives them physical relief. The chemical reaction that happens during play gives them good days.
My boyfriend and dominate works hard to make sure that I have enough BDSM to function now. Who thought treatment could be so fun?