The New Intimacy

Can a Woman Get Her Man to Quit Porn?

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Contributor: Em & Lo Em & Lo
We recently asked our "Wise Guys" if a woman who was anti-porn could ever get or expect her partner to give it up. The general consensus was no. What do you think? Is it ever appropriate to ask a partner to, say, curtail their usage just a bit, or perhaps leave the out the gang bang stuff?
-- Em & Lo
12/02/2011
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Contributor: TheCleansing TheCleansing
Profiling! I'm a male in a committed relationship and I don't like porn.

Um. I think it's totally reasonable for a partner to say "hey, please cut down on the hard stuff" or to somehow wean the guy off. I think if the woman can offer a regular and similar sexual experience it's a fair trade. Often that's not possible, though.
12/02/2011
Contributor: Cherrylane Cherrylane
I think men can become better at covering up their use of porn and changing certain habits slightly. The problem with the "offer a similar experience" part is that a lot of men don't actually want the experience they view in porn and have little to no emotional attachment to it. In short, "it's not about that" and it's usually not about something their partner isn't doing for them either.

I think if a guy ever did truly give up porn for his lady, he'd probably resent her for it.

Personally, if it were me, I'd be inclined to dump whoever was trying to control that and judge that for me and/or tell them flat out no and to perhaps go f emselves. But that's also shaded by having way too many guy friends that have had to deal with insanely delusional high maintenance self absorbed immature fuck me one way once a month embarrassingly vanilla chicks that want everyone to bow to their boring and judgmental needs and I just don't have patience for the subject anymore.
12/02/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
I don't think it's appropriate to ask someone to stop viewing porn---male or female. So long as the sexual relationship is healthy, who cares what s/he is looking at?
12/02/2011
Contributor: pinkzombie pinkzombie
I think you should be able to discuss any concerns in a relationship, and if porn is one so be it. If your parter loves and respects you they may cut back or quit, but do not expect or demand it!
12/03/2011
Contributor: HannahPanda HannahPanda
I think it really depends on what the guy is like. If he doesn't WANT to, I don't think a girlfriend/woman get get the guy she's seeing to do anything he doesn't want to do unless she's just pressuring him and making him unhappy. Most guys are stubborn and stuck in their ways, at least if they're anything like mine, but I would personally just try to see his enjoyment in the porn and watch it with him. Easier than trying to get him to flat out change.
12/03/2011
Contributor: Chirple Chirple
I think it's appropriate to have a talk and try to be reasonable, logical, and understanding.

I don't think a partner should be afraid to speak up if a certain type, or quantity, of porn makes them uncomfortable, and the watcher should listen and understand why. For instance, if a partner thinks it's a gross genre or how the people look triggers insecurities. I think talking honestly and openly can help.

And I agree - never lie about it. Don't pretend to quit and just hide it. I know a lot of relationships operate that way, but what a crappy way to have a relationship.

If a personal has some kind of moral opposition to porn and feels very strongly, it might be a dealbreaker or perhaps a sex therapist could help the couple be able to understand each other's position.

And I agree that a person can have an "addiction" to porn that can really be a problem beyond anything normal.

Sure, I think someone could theoretically "quit porn" if they wanted to. If they, you know, actually wanted to.
12/03/2011
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Wow, those girl commenters really missed the wording of the question and responses. Sounds like a shitload of insecurity going on with them.

In my case, my ex-husband hid his porn from me because he knew it was squiffy (mother-son incest). It's more shocking to come across that sort of porn than regular old porn (which I would have no problem with). This likely contributed to how our marriage was celibate; I refused to look like his mother.
12/03/2011
Contributor: Sinfully Sinfully
I would never tell a guy to stop watching porn altogether. That's just silly. Now if it started consuming his every day life and became an obsession that was like an all day event... then I might say something.
12/03/2011
Contributor: darkkitty darkkitty
Quote:
Originally posted by Em & Lo
We recently asked our "Wise Guys" if a woman who was anti-porn could ever get or expect her partner to give it up. The general consensus was no. What do you think? Is it ever appropriate to ask a partner to, say, curtail their usage just a ... more
I think you should know the type of person you are with before a relationship. But also both should be willing to compromise.
12/03/2011
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Em & Lo
We recently asked our "Wise Guys" if a woman who was anti-porn could ever get or expect her partner to give it up. The general consensus was no. What do you think? Is it ever appropriate to ask a partner to, say, curtail their usage just a ... more
I fail to see why anyone would be so uptight....if it is truly an issue it would be up to the woman to present a compelling argument and her partner to accept her reasons and desire to change. Anything else would lead to 'cheating' and hard feelings. It could turn a desire into a compulsion.
12/03/2011
Contributor: Errant Venture Errant Venture
It would depend on why she's asking me. If I do watch too much, or spend too much money, then that's a fair enough point, and I'd stop. But if she's just being prudish, then she wouldn't be the girl for me, and so I'd not stop, and probably end it.
12/05/2011
Contributor: Zinzai Zinzai
I don't think its that big of a deal to modify your watching habits if its something your partner desires.
12/07/2011
Contributor: RonLee RonLee
Quote:
Originally posted by Cherrylane
I think men can become better at covering up their use of porn and changing certain habits slightly. The problem with the "offer a similar experience" part is that a lot of men don't actually want the experience they view in porn and ... more
You are absolutely right, Sister!
02/06/2021
Contributor: DenRu85 DenRu85
No ?? ??
10/18/2021