The New Intimacy

Have you ever fantasized about playing out a rape scenario, in private, as either the rapist or the victim? Assume both parties have consented of course.

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Contributor: Nickisonehere Nickisonehere
I'm going to put a number of questions about kink fantasies and whether or not people have done them. I'm just curious to be honest. Granted, the sample is clearly biased, since there could be a correlation between: those who visit adult toy stores online and those who have kinky interests. But oh well.
  •   (2)
    I am personally offended by this
  •   (1)
    This is unacceptable / Against the Expectations of Conduct
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Yes, and I'm comfortable with having such thoughts.
220  (74%)
Yes, but it bothers me that I had such thoughts.
27  (9%)
No, but now that I think about it, it sounds good.
7  (2%)
No, and it sickens me that someone would.
45  (15%)
Total votes: 299
Poll is closed
05/04/2009
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Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
My husband and I have played it out a bit. I like the idea in general but am more emotionally dominant so it rubs against me.
05/04/2009
Contributor: Backseat Boohoo Backseat Boohoo
I understand that it's a fantasy for some and I don't judge--some of my fantasies are pretty whacked out--but every time I've tried to think about it, past experiences make my stomach churn, and the memory of how gruesome rapists' actions are really turns me (personally) against it.
05/04/2009
Contributor: LikeSunshineDust LikeSunshineDust
I picked the first one...It used to be something I would fantasize (though obviously I'd never WANT to be raped), but I've moved away from it since then.
  •   (1)
    I am personally offended by this
05/04/2009
Contributor: Cinnamon Chambers Cinnamon Chambers
I have, and it was awesome...almost healing in some way.
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    I am personally offended by this
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05/04/2009
Contributor: Viv Viv
my fiancee and i have played out scenes along these lines and continue to do so. It was sort of a healing experience at first as Cinnamon said (both my partner and i have been attemptedly raped/and or sexually abused), but it has since stopped having that effect.

We're comfortable with it, but it's a very loaded area for us and would take way too long to explain.
05/04/2009
Contributor: Lithaewyn Lithaewyn
This will be the first time I've admitted having such thoughts to others besides my partner. I have a handful of dear friends who have been raped, and one of them has a lot of problems because of it (repeated rape and abuse for years). So, I've always felt it was best to keep such thoughts to myself.

I don't feel that it's wrong, however. Rape fantasy is just as it called - a fantasy. While it is possible to be raped by a loved one, I'd be much less frightened if my partner played this out with me. That level of association takes it away from real rape, in my opinion. Even the thought feels much "safer".

I would hate being raped in reality, of course. That's awful.
  •   (1)
    I am personally offended by this
  •   (1)
    This is unacceptable / Against the Expectations of Conduct
05/04/2009
Contributor: Nickisonehere Nickisonehere
Lithaewyn,

Sorry to hear about your friends, you're right that it's probably best not to mention to them. I've actually brought up wanting to pursue a rape fantasy with a girl I was dating, and she was quite disgusted with me. Afterward, she told me she had actually been raped, so that made me feel like a jerk kind of. My point is just to give some slight evidence that some actual victims are bothered by the fantasy people have of it.
05/04/2009
Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Nickisonehere
Lithaewyn,

Sorry to hear about your friends, you're right that it's probably best not to mention to them. I've actually brought up wanting to pursue a rape fantasy with a girl I was dating, and she was quite disgusted with me. ... more
I can understand why acutal victims mgiht be upset by the fantasy. IT would definitely be difficult to separate fantasy from a reality you'd lived through. I do respect that but we all probably have hot issues like that.
05/04/2009
Contributor: Lithaewyn Lithaewyn
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
I can understand why acutal victims mgiht be upset by the fantasy. IT would definitely be difficult to separate fantasy from a reality you'd lived through. I do respect that but we all probably have hot issues like that.
Oh yes, I can believe that it wouldn't be appealing to most people who have actually been raped. That's why I've been keeping it a secret out of respect and concern. My heart does go out to people who have experienced rape. I had a sticky situation once... It didn't involve intercourse but I was pretty wounded for a while after it. So I can't imagine being comfortable with a rape fantasy if it actually happened to me.
05/04/2009
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
I have never had that kind of fantasy and it has never appealed to me at all. I don't mind that my partner would be dominant but not to that extent. I respect those who have that fantasy, in my book sexuality has no boundaries as long as it is consentual and the people participating in the fantasy do not harm themselves or others.

I had never thought of it as therapeutic but I am glad I have read about Sarou's experience with how it has helped her and her fiancé to overcome some of the feelings and psychological trauma their past experience has given them. That is just an example that confirms against those who believe that a fantasy about rape is detrimental to both partners. It shows it can be an instrument for growth.

Sexuality is awesome!
05/04/2009
Contributor: Nickisonehere Nickisonehere
Yeah, it definitely makes sense why someone would be upset in such a situation. I still kinda feel bad about it, but I guess I can't really be blamed (how was I supposed to know, right?)

Anyways, how old were you when you started having such desires? I think I was like 18 or so. A friend of mine (female) started having rape fantasy desires before she was 10? Is that typical for women who do have such desires?
  •   (1)
    I am personally offended by this
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05/04/2009
Contributor: Viv Viv
@naughty student: it's really an individual thing that you can't take lightly. not for everyone (bad past or not) and it won't help everyone with a rough past to cope. We feel at that as long as you are honest and open with your partner about how you BOTH feel about the subject and you don't just jump into it without thinking over complications or even implications of what it means to both of you, it can be a very positive and sexy experience. but we're geeky feminists who over analyze things like it's our job XD

@nicki: while i tend to think pretty much nothing in human sexuality is "typical" we've both had these desires since we were very little. probably around 10 years old as well. we got into BDSM at a relatively young age and that helped us start to include rape fantasies when we were 21ish.
05/04/2009
Contributor: Nickisonehere Nickisonehere
Saurou,

It's Nick btw, but you calling me nikki made me realize that nikki makes more sense given my name and pic lol. So the mistake was on my end, I'll have to change those.

I'm not sure what you mean by 'typical'. I take it that there are many true generalizations about lots of things in child, adolescent, and teen development. For instance, most people start losing their language learning skills around 11 or 12 since the cognitive mechanism shuts off (or degrades) around (hence, kids learn languages more easily than adults). So, it's a 'typical' age to lose language learning skills. Are there exceptions? Sure. It's just a generalization. That's the sense of 'typical' I had in mind.

So, did you mean something else by 'typical'? Or did you mean what I did, and you just think that such generalizations rarely, if ever, exist for matters of human sexuality? I'm not sure if the latter could be right, but i dunno
05/04/2009
Contributor: Viv Viv
Quote:
Originally posted by Nickisonehere
Saurou,

It's Nick btw, but you calling me nikki made me realize that nikki makes more sense given my name and pic lol. So the mistake was on my end, I'll have to change those.

I'm not sure what you mean by ... more
whoop! sorry about that, Nick! should have double checked your profile.
And from what you're saying I do agree with you that there are many generalizations in all fields of human study that are spot on for the majority and completely off for others. I'm not denying that. And that without such assumptions it would be nearly impossible to study human sexuality. I just tend to shy away from language (specifically when discussing sexuality issues) that could possibly delineate normal from abnormal. Sexuality is so fluid from person to person and from month to month in the life of one person. Is it an overkill amount of PC? likely. *shrug* is it a likely contradiction and a paradox of how the hell can you talk about sexuality in a general sense without terms like that? absolutely.

so in a long drawn out way, I agree with you and your intended sense of typical you meant, but I also wanted to voice that being atypical is not the same as being abnormal in a negative sense. Thanks for making me make this clearer and hope that makes sense to you!
05/05/2009
Contributor: Nickisonehere Nickisonehere
Quote:
Originally posted by Viv
whoop! sorry about that, Nick! should have double checked your profile.
And from what you're saying I do agree with you that there are many generalizations in all fields of human study that are spot on for the majority and completely off ... more
No need to say you're sorry

And yes, if the word 'atypical' connotes something negative, then I agree that I shouldn't use the word. I didn't think of it like that, my apologies for the ambiguity and I see your point now
05/06/2009
Contributor: Liz2 Liz2
Rape is violent and not consensual. I enjoy hard sex but it is consensual. Any partner that wanted to indulge me in his rape fantasy could just fuck off, somewhere else w/o me!
05/06/2009
Contributor: Nickisonehere Nickisonehere
Quote:
Originally posted by Liz2
Rape is violent and not consensual. I enjoy hard sex but it is consensual. Any partner that wanted to indulge me in his rape fantasy could just fuck off, somewhere else w/o me!
Yikes lol
05/08/2009
Contributor: TinyTease TinyTease
I have engaged in this kind of play on both the receiving and giving end. It is something that I would still enjoy, tho I do not ever want to actually be raped. I also have only done this with one partner who I was very close with. It was never actually violent, just more of a play of one person taking advantage of the other while they pretended to not want it.
05/12/2009
Contributor: Nickisonehere Nickisonehere
Quote:
Originally posted by TinyTease
I have engaged in this kind of play on both the receiving and giving end. It is something that I would still enjoy, tho I do not ever want to actually be raped. I also have only done this with one partner who I was very close with. It was never ... more
I've never been on receiving end. I think I would find it difficult to take the girl seriously if she were doing that to me lol
05/12/2009
Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Nickisonehere
I've never been on receiving end. I think I would find it difficult to take the girl seriously if she were doing that to me lol
I sincerely hope you never wind up in that real position. =/
05/27/2009
Contributor: VieuxCarre VieuxCarre
I was raped when I was 16 by someone I trusted and I thought I would never enjoy that kind of play again.

Recently, my partner and I got a bit rough and he bound me, threw me around, and told me I was going to take what I had coming to me. I should have been deathly afraid when he had a knife in plain view, but I knew that the knife is extremely dull and that he would never really hurt me...that way at least. He and I both had amazing climaxes and it proved to be a trust strengthening exercise for both of us I loved it!

Now, if anyone were holding me down with a knife nearby that I didn't know or trust...you better believe I would beat him up. And not in a fun way either.
  •   (1)
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08/12/2009
Contributor: Raven Raven
Quote:
Originally posted by VieuxCarre
I was raped when I was 16 by someone I trusted and I thought I would never enjoy that kind of play again.

Recently, my partner and I got a bit rough and he bound me, threw me around, and told me I was going to take what I had coming to me. I ... more
Sounds like a real breakthrough moment for you. That's fantastic.
08/18/2009
Contributor: J's Alley J's Alley
I love it, we just shy away from calling it "rape" play. I can't handle that specific word, so he refers to it as forced sex. That is probably just to humor me. I dated a guy at 16 who raped me and I try not to downplay the severity of the word.

The actual force part for me is amazing, but I assume it's because I trust my partner completely. Although, I find it funny how he actually has to force me at that point because I get so into it. I am all about sexual fantasies and acting them out, no matter how "strange" you or anyone thinks they are. Honesty is a good place to be, so I figure if it is what I like, I will be honest.
09/05/2009
Contributor: J's Alley J's Alley
Quote:
Originally posted by Liz2
Rape is violent and not consensual. I enjoy hard sex but it is consensual. Any partner that wanted to indulge me in his rape fantasy could just fuck off, somewhere else w/o me!
And this is why I avoid the word rape. I love hard sex, and I love to be held down and forced by my husband. Of course this is all consensual and we have a signal to let him know if it gets to be too much.
09/05/2009
Contributor: Kallandar Kallandar
I picked the first. I have FANTASIZED about this and am comfortable with having such THOUGHTS, but I would feel really uncomfortable asking a partner to act out this fantasy with me. This is in large part due to the fact that I have heard that many male-bodied people are very uncomfortable with the idea. I would probably feel more comfortable asking a female-bodied partner to act out this one with me.

Another option would be to have a male-bodied person directing the action between myself and another female-bodied person... I rather like that thought...
11/15/2009
Contributor: Kallandar Kallandar
Quote:
Originally posted by Nickisonehere
Yeah, it definitely makes sense why someone would be upset in such a situation. I still kinda feel bad about it, but I guess I can't really be blamed (how was I supposed to know, right?)

Anyways, how old were you when you started having ... more
I started to have BDSM fantasies at about 9 (also when I hit puberty and got breasts...), but I would say rape fantasies didn't come until about 16. I was taken advantage of sexually when I was 14, but it was not violent, so only rape in that I was far below the age of consent for our area.

I do regret having had sex so young (for me- others may be more comfortable or have had better experiences), but being so open about sex also allowed me to feel more comfortable exploring my fantasies and asking questions and finding out the information to make sure I was healthy and happy with my sexual experiences after that point. There was some good along with the bad.
11/15/2009
Contributor: Pain Is A Flavor Pain Is A Flavor
Quote:
Originally posted by Nickisonehere
I'm going to put a number of questions about kink fantasies and whether or not people have done them. I'm just curious to be honest. Granted, the sample is clearly biased, since there could be a correlation between: those who visit adult toy ... more
I enjoy the thoughts, and I enjoy the practice. I've been through the actual act itself, a couple of times, and didn't enjoy the non-consenual nature of it. However, I do enjoy the consensual nature of rape play.

Go figure.
12/01/2009
Contributor: SexyDuchess SexyDuchess
I'm actually in the middle of writing an article/post about this very topic. It's quite common, yet taboo at the same time. I think there are a lot of reasons that people enjoy such a fantasy.
12/07/2009
Contributor: Atargatis Atargatis
Quote:
Originally posted by SexyDuchess
I'm actually in the middle of writing an article/post about this very topic. It's quite common, yet taboo at the same time. I think there are a lot of reasons that people enjoy such a fantasy.
i can't wait to see it. It's definitely something that i fantasize about often, and i have multiple scenes that involve rape play.
  •   (1)
    I am personally offended by this
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12/07/2009