The New Intimacy

Guidance

Skip to last post
Set alerts
Updates
Forum search
Contributor: sugarOne sugarOne
As a sub/slave what would you prefer guiding you in life as a Master?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
Someone who has knowledge and lots of experience in the lifestyle.
sugarOne , Tart , SexyTabby , sbon , dv8 , DeliciousSurprise , potstickers , Dusk , ThatGirlOverThere , MaryExy , Miss Morphine , Boyqueen , Zandrock , Falsepast , k3 , snarknemesis , ScarletFox , elli , Thumper Logic , SavingMyself , Strider , Cowgirl-Cutie , xcapricax , IvyFayette , novanilla , Sima-pusya , Inkkythesquid
27
Someone who calls themselves Master gives out their expectations and needs, but dosent consider the subs needs or wants?
Someone who knows very little about the lifestyle but wants to learn with their sub/slave together
Dusk , MaryExy , K101 , Zandrock , Falsepast , Phantom2291 , k3 , snarknemesis , violets , ScarletFox , itismedi , Cowgirl-Cutie , IvyFayette , Inkkythesquid
14
Total votes: 41 (31 voters)
Poll is closed
08/28/2010
  • Treat Her! Gift Set For Women For $69.99 Only
  • Complete lovers gift set
  • Upgrade Your Hands-Free Play!
  • Long-distance pleasure set for couples
  • Save Extra 20% On Love Cushion And Toy Set!
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Contributor: Tart Tart
I think it's just common sense. Many submissives want that comforting, safe space in which to play with a partner. If that partner does not have the knowledge or the skills necessary to play safe, sane, and consensually, the submissive will have doubts. Doubting and slightly fearful that your partner may maim you, though not on purpose, is not the desired head space.

D/s is like a dance, the Dominant leads and the submissive follows, but both are willing participants and active in the dance. If a "Master gives out expectations.. and doesn't consider the subs wants or needs" that's like dancing alone, or being left on the sidelines. Both partners need to be active in negotiations no matter what situation they are in.
10/20/2010
Contributor: sbon sbon
I totally agree with tart. It's comforting to have someone with experience to make the play feel safer.
12/21/2010
Contributor: Dusk Dusk
I would love to either be with someone who has a lot of experience or who is willing to learn with me. My current partner learned about BDSM and grew into the community and his role as a dom/top alongside me, which was very enjoyable for both of us. I never felt unsafe just because we were both learning.
07/14/2011
Contributor: ThatGirlOverThere ThatGirlOverThere
Master needs experience
07/14/2011
Contributor: Boyqueen Boyqueen
I'd like to have someone to guide me along that already has experience. And then afterwards I'd be okay with going to someone who doesn't have much just so they can get some.
07/15/2012
Contributor: Zandrock Zandrock
They need to care about you first and foremost. Then they need to understand their limits. Inexperience is not bad, you just need to know things need to go slow and to read up on them beforehand.
07/15/2012
Contributor: Falsepast Falsepast
1st and 3rd options sound good, the middle...no way
07/15/2012
Contributor: snarknemesis snarknemesis
As much as it might be nice to be with someone who has had experience, I also like that my partner and I are learning things together.
08/19/2012
Contributor: violets violets
First and third options both sound good. I think the thought of my partner learning things along with me to be more appealing though.
08/19/2012
Contributor: itismedi itismedi
I chose the one that said learn with me. I was torn between that and the knows all about it. For me, it is important that despite their knowledge they be willing to grow and change with our needs and wants. That is why that choice won out for me.
09/01/2012
Contributor: SavingMyself SavingMyself
My husband was experienced and I think that's the best way to do it. Two people who know nothing about BDSM starting together is just asking for trouble.
09/01/2012
Contributor: fizzygato fizzygato
I'm okay with anyone teaching me anything, like they don't need to be a sub/dom/ anything.

Just anyone who actually has a lot of experience or reasonable-seeming advice. A lot of people criticize me for "playing with older people," but I don't care because they know what they're doing/ have been doing it for a long time.

I play casually and with anyone who I can feel safe around and generally has a cool vibe
01/04/2013
Contributor: Cowgirl-Cutie Cowgirl-Cutie
Someone who knows their stuff is obviously the best choice but learning together is fine too or even if the Dom knows less than you. Someone who just automatically calls themselves Master without giving any thought at all to the sub is a joke imo...
01/04/2013
Contributor: xcapricax xcapricax
A master has to know what they are doing.
01/04/2013
Contributor: novanilla novanilla
I agree that a master needs to know shit. Otherwise they need to just be a dom.

Personally I am not a slave nor do I picture myself ever being one. I'm a switch but currently submissive in my relationship. I am the more experienced one though, so I'm teaching my partner about bdsm.
01/04/2013
Contributor: Sima-pusya Sima-pusya
Someone who has knowledge and lots of experience in the lifestyle.
01/04/2013
Contributor: tunacan75 tunacan75
Leaning together is just the most healthiest thing to do, both for BDSM, and for relationships
01/04/2013