In relation to all of the threads discussing what your safe word is, now I wonder: have you ever actually had to use it? Even if it was once, say yes. Do discuss below!
Have you ever had to use your safe word?
08/01/2010
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Since we never had one, no. We've also never been in a situation where my partner or myself might have needed to use one.
08/01/2010
Jor attempted to use the universal safe word (we never really agreed upon one, and we're both okay with that) once while I was tickling him. I must say, I completely ignored it. (I also knew he wasn't serious. He just didn't want to be tickled.)
08/01/2010
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HAHAH!!! Very nice, that's cute.
Originally posted by
Kayla
Jor attempted to use the universal safe word (we never really agreed upon one, and we're both okay with that) once while I was tickling him. I must say, I completely ignored it. (I also knew he wasn't serious. He just didn't want to be tickled.)
08/01/2010
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Tehe agreed
Originally posted by
Sir
HAHAH!!! Very nice, that's cute.
08/01/2010
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We've never had one or needed one either.
Originally posted by
Sir
Since we never had one, no. We've also never been in a situation where my partner or myself might have needed to use one.
08/01/2010
When Taylor and I first got together, he made sure I wasn't too afraid or two proud to use mine by doing a really, really, really, REALLY crappy, horrible scene.
I used it. Would again, if I felt the need. No shame in something being too much and, when your play regularly includes nos and stops that are meant to be ignored, I like the idea of a word that leaves no doubt. Though, truly, we mostly just use normal communication.
I used it. Would again, if I felt the need. No shame in something being too much and, when your play regularly includes nos and stops that are meant to be ignored, I like the idea of a word that leaves no doubt. Though, truly, we mostly just use normal communication.
08/01/2010
I can honestly say that I have come exceedingly close to screaming it out just once...so far...but Randy knows me so well I guess, that he immediately realized I was close and he backed off until I could recover my control.Other than that one time, I have never used my safe word or been that close to using it. Many people, even long time BDSM folk, do not have one, and that is ok for them. I truly believe in "live and let live". We each do our own thing, our own way. That's cool. For us, a safeword is as much protection for the Top as it is for the Bottom. But truthfully, we both feel it is very important for anyone that is new in the BDSM arena. After many years together, we can both read each other easily and thus the word has never been used. But it is still there, if the need were ever to arise.
08/01/2010
Never had to use ours but we've never come close to needing it. In fact, it might take more work for me to convince my guy to be braver.
08/01/2010
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My experience was almost the same. Sigel and I have a safe word that means stop no matter what, no matter how you are getting off, NO MATTER WHAT. We have also agreed that everything stops when that word is employed because it's time to discuss what happened and why it was needed. I've only had to use it once and it was a good thing for us.
Originally posted by
Carrie Ann
When Taylor and I first got together, he made sure I wasn't too afraid or two proud to use mine by doing a really, really, really, REALLY crappy, horrible scene.
I used it. Would again, if I felt the need. No shame in something being too ... more
I used it. Would again, if I felt the need. No shame in something being too ... more
When Taylor and I first got together, he made sure I wasn't too afraid or two proud to use mine by doing a really, really, really, REALLY crappy, horrible scene.
I used it. Would again, if I felt the need. No shame in something being too much and, when your play regularly includes nos and stops that are meant to be ignored, I like the idea of a word that leaves no doubt. Though, truly, we mostly just use normal communication. less
I used it. Would again, if I felt the need. No shame in something being too much and, when your play regularly includes nos and stops that are meant to be ignored, I like the idea of a word that leaves no doubt. Though, truly, we mostly just use normal communication. less
08/01/2010
Once, yes. It's "reindeer" and I've only used it once, though it was during a choking scene and it was hard to get the word out. Since then we've devised a method of communicating through certain slaps. I don't want to be in a position again where I may be deprived of speech and therefore can't say reindeer. That was very early in our relationship and I've never had to use the word (or slaps) since.
08/01/2010
We don't have a safe word. I don't think we'd ever need one either.
08/01/2010
Yes, only once. It was bad timing mostly. I had just written about a previous bad experience that put me in a bad headspace. I was extremely vulnerable. But my Daddy and I had plans to 'scene' that night, so I pushed it out of my head as best as I could. I even got through being tied to the chair just fine. Nothing was overly wrong.
Then he spanked me (or cropped me, I honestly can't remember which) and some really bad memories came flooding back. I tried to push them away, but by the time he landed a blow twice I was thrashing around in the chair I was tied to, crying and hypervenilating and safewording my ass off. I almost knocked myself and the chair (it was a dining room chair) over and could have gotten seriously hurt in that feat. However, he stopped immediately, calmed me down, and comforted me. I felt bad about it at first, we can't 'scene' all the time and that was a pretty big one we had planned, so I felt bad for ruining the plans. Of course he understood and didn't mind though. What a sweetheart!
Then he spanked me (or cropped me, I honestly can't remember which) and some really bad memories came flooding back. I tried to push them away, but by the time he landed a blow twice I was thrashing around in the chair I was tied to, crying and hypervenilating and safewording my ass off. I almost knocked myself and the chair (it was a dining room chair) over and could have gotten seriously hurt in that feat. However, he stopped immediately, calmed me down, and comforted me. I felt bad about it at first, we can't 'scene' all the time and that was a pretty big one we had planned, so I felt bad for ruining the plans. Of course he understood and didn't mind though. What a sweetheart!
08/01/2010
I have had my partner stop a scene once, but he failed to actually use the safe word we had agreed upon. He just said, "Whoa, too far," and I could easily tell he meant it.
08/04/2010
I probably sounds odd but I'm trying to train a vanilla boy to take the dominate roll in the bedroom, so we've never gotten to that point. If it ever comes to that I don't think we'll use a safety word, but it's hard to say and will depend on what level I can get him to.
08/06/2010
I haven't but I would if need be. My b/f never seems to play hard enough to get to that point. I remind him I have a black belt in martial arts, I am an accomplished kick boxer and can take it!!
08/07/2010
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Only a few times. Only because something hurt the way I didn't want it to. Also, sometimes, I want the anal stim to stop (for a few minutes) just before I come. Our safe word (which I wouldn't recommend) is simply "Stop" or "Ow!" As we have been together for decades, he knows the difference between a "Oh, G*d, stop, you bastard, you're killing me!" when I really don't want him to stop and a "Stop. Ow!" He can tell immediately, from my tone and my body language when something isn't right.
Originally posted by
Sir
In relation to all of the threads discussing what your safe word is, now I wonder: have you ever actually had to use it? Even if it was once, say yes. Do discuss below!
Same with him. I was heavy deep throating him a few days ago, and he simply made a noise. I KNEW it was something uncomfortable, and I stopped and pulled out for a second. He gently told me "Too much teeth there for a minute." We carried on with no problem, but as we can read each other, we don't use "Pineapple" or "Banana" or whatever some people use.
08/07/2010
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Right. I don't think there's any shame or reason to feel bad because one has had to use the safe word from time to time.
Originally posted by
Carrie Ann
When Taylor and I first got together, he made sure I wasn't too afraid or two proud to use mine by doing a really, really, really, REALLY crappy, horrible scene.
I used it. Would again, if I felt the need. No shame in something being too ... more
I used it. Would again, if I felt the need. No shame in something being too ... more
When Taylor and I first got together, he made sure I wasn't too afraid or two proud to use mine by doing a really, really, really, REALLY crappy, horrible scene.
I used it. Would again, if I felt the need. No shame in something being too much and, when your play regularly includes nos and stops that are meant to be ignored, I like the idea of a word that leaves no doubt. Though, truly, we mostly just use normal communication. less
I used it. Would again, if I felt the need. No shame in something being too much and, when your play regularly includes nos and stops that are meant to be ignored, I like the idea of a word that leaves no doubt. Though, truly, we mostly just use normal communication. less
Also, sometimes, something you really like at an other time, just doesn't feel good at the moment. No shame in that.
The point it to make each other feel GOOD. Communication facilitates pleasure all the time, imo.
08/07/2010
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Blinker, if you frequently engage in play where you can't speak, some couples use a method where the Bottom holds on to a silk (or even cotton, but silk is so much more sexy!) handkerchief, and if he or she drops the hanky, it means "Safe Word." Of course, this only works in scenes where there is plenty of lights. This also works a little better if the Bottom is standing, as the handkerchief can be seen floating to the floor more easily. I like the idea of certain types of touching.
Originally posted by
Blinker
Once, yes. It's "reindeer" and I've only used it once, though it was during a choking scene and it was hard to get the word out. Since then we've devised a method of communicating through certain slaps. I don't want to be in
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more
Once, yes. It's "reindeer" and I've only used it once, though it was during a choking scene and it was hard to get the word out. Since then we've devised a method of communicating through certain slaps. I don't want to be in a position again where I may be deprived of speech and therefore can't say reindeer. That was very early in our relationship and I've never had to use the word (or slaps) since.
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Of course, if I have my hands bound, we'd have to think of something else. But, I like my mouth clear (unless his cock or a dil is in it) so that isn't a problem for us. I pass out from even light Vagus stimulation (which can involve the neck, I can't even wear a choker necklace ) so, for us, and choking is simply not something we can do.
Everybody is a little different. It sounds like you and your guy have devised a very ingenious method.
08/07/2010
We don't have one. We've never played hard enough to.
A concern in my own head is my own stubborness and pride and whether or not I would even if I wanted to... That kind of concerns me to be honest. I think that's a bit... stupid. I should work on that a bit.
A concern in my own head is my own stubborness and pride and whether or not I would even if I wanted to... That kind of concerns me to be honest. I think that's a bit... stupid. I should work on that a bit.
08/07/2010
I haven't created a safe word.
08/08/2010
I have one, although I've never felt the need to use it ever, and I've never even had a moment where I've thought "okay, if this gets any more intense, I'm dropping my safeword" either. To be honest, I think I've possibly forgotten what it is (which SHOULD worry me a bit, but doesn't worry me in the slightest). With this sort of thing, I think communication is better than with normal boring sex/partnerships, and while the safeword is a nice precaution (as we do have potential need for it) more communication kind of makes it (mostly) useless (or at least it should).
At the same time, if its too much it's too much, and there is no shame in saying so. Not saying so not only can damage communication, pleasure, and your relationship with your partner, but can also potentially get someone hurt.
At the same time, if its too much it's too much, and there is no shame in saying so. Not saying so not only can damage communication, pleasure, and your relationship with your partner, but can also potentially get someone hurt.
08/08/2010
I've never had to use my safe-word (or safe-signal when I'm gagged), thankfully.
Honestly, I think I've found a pretty good solution as far as having a safe-signal when gagged or otherwise not capable of being able to speak much, if I may say so myself.
What I do when I'm gagged, is I have a little LED finger-light that I found at a gas station one day (similar to the ones that ravers use). It attaches to your finger via a loop of Velcro or elastic and when you push the button once, it's a steady beam of light. When pushed a second and third time, it'll flash at varying speeds. The button is small enough and has enough resistance that it won't get hit on accident, but not too small or hard to push that you couldn't find it. I attach it to my index finger near the knuckle so that if something happens I can push the button with my thumb. And since it's usually dark in the room where my Fiancé and I play, this works perfectly. Of course, results may vary, and it may be a little harder to see if the room is lighted, but it works for me
Honestly, I think I've found a pretty good solution as far as having a safe-signal when gagged or otherwise not capable of being able to speak much, if I may say so myself.
What I do when I'm gagged, is I have a little LED finger-light that I found at a gas station one day (similar to the ones that ravers use). It attaches to your finger via a loop of Velcro or elastic and when you push the button once, it's a steady beam of light. When pushed a second and third time, it'll flash at varying speeds. The button is small enough and has enough resistance that it won't get hit on accident, but not too small or hard to push that you couldn't find it. I attach it to my index finger near the knuckle so that if something happens I can push the button with my thumb. And since it's usually dark in the room where my Fiancé and I play, this works perfectly. Of course, results may vary, and it may be a little harder to see if the room is lighted, but it works for me
09/08/2010
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Another thing to do is to hold something heavy/metal (like a baoding ball or a polished stone) so that even if the Top doesn't see it, s/he'll hear it clattering into the floor. It doesn't work as well on carpet but it's an alternative to using a silk handkerchief
Originally posted by
P'Gell
Blinker, if you frequently engage in play where you can't speak, some couples use a method where the Bottom holds on to a silk (or even cotton, but silk is so much more sexy!) handkerchief, and if he or she drops the hanky, it means "Safe
...
more
Blinker, if you frequently engage in play where you can't speak, some couples use a method where the Bottom holds on to a silk (or even cotton, but silk is so much more sexy!) handkerchief, and if he or she drops the hanky, it means "Safe Word." Of course, this only works in scenes where there is plenty of lights. This also works a little better if the Bottom is standing, as the handkerchief can be seen floating to the floor more easily. I like the idea of certain types of touching.
Of course, if I have my hands bound, we'd have to think of something else. But, I like my mouth clear (unless his cock or a dil is in it) so that isn't a problem for us. I pass out from even light Vagus stimulation (which can involve the neck, I can't even wear a choker necklace ) so, for us, and choking is simply not something we can do.
Everybody is a little different. It sounds like you and your guy have devised a very ingenious method. less
Of course, if I have my hands bound, we'd have to think of something else. But, I like my mouth clear (unless his cock or a dil is in it) so that isn't a problem for us. I pass out from even light Vagus stimulation (which can involve the neck, I can't even wear a choker necklace ) so, for us, and choking is simply not something we can do.
Everybody is a little different. It sounds like you and your guy have devised a very ingenious method. less
09/09/2010
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I think both the baoding ball or Persphone's light are really good ideas! We're in a bed about 80% of the time, so voice works better with us. Also, in addition to having a vagus nerve issue (where my throat cannot be more than gently touched) I really don't care for gags, for myself. (I'd rather have something thrusting in an out of there than just sitting there. It's my thing.) My Man teases me about getting one all the time, because I make so much noise.
Originally posted by
DeliciousSurprise
Another thing to do is to hold something heavy/metal (like a baoding ball or a polished stone) so that even if the Top doesn't see it, s/he'll hear it clattering into the floor. It doesn't work as well on carpet but it's an
...
more
Another thing to do is to hold something heavy/metal (like a baoding ball or a polished stone) so that even if the Top doesn't see it, s/he'll hear it clattering into the floor. It doesn't work as well on carpet but it's an alternative to using a silk handkerchief
less
09/10/2010
I've never had to use one, but we never actually set one up. We've started saying "I'm using my words!" when we get pissed at each other and mean business.. probably picked it up from my housemates, but I'd guess that'd be our "universal safe word."
09/12/2010
I have enjoyed reading this post. I have not tried BDSM yet but when I do it will be with someone more experience and I think they would want for me to use a safe word or some sort of sign.
09/14/2010
A scene went a bit too far with an ex of mine and I started to feel hurt beyond the realms of what I was comfortable with. He didn't hear me and continued to beat me until, well, he saw that he'd gone too far. I called out my absolute end to a scene word and it was over.
It sucked :/ I was really REALLY enjoying my beating, too!
It sucked :/ I was really REALLY enjoying my beating, too!
09/22/2010
I've never used mine, as we only use ours during consensual non-consent play. At a party an olympic weightlifter was given a turn spanking me, and I did have to tell him to stop, I was bruised for over a week after that.
09/23/2010
Daddy and I have never had to use a safe word.
If we were planning an exceptionally rough scene we would agree upon one. I generally classify our relationship as one of consensual non-consent so using a safe word is more of a courtesy, not something we follow religiously.
If we were planning an exceptionally rough scene we would agree upon one. I generally classify our relationship as one of consensual non-consent so using a safe word is more of a courtesy, not something we follow religiously.
09/25/2010