It sounds like your partner is a really nice, caring guy, but he needs to realize that being a nice guy isn't mutually exclusive with being a good Dom. First, make sure it's clear to him that you really do want him to take control. Tell him upfront that you think it's sexy when he just grabs you or spanks you (and whatever else you like) without cautiously checking to see if it's okay first. Let him know that you LIKE the very fact that he's being dominant, confident, and controlling and that you'll let him know (but won't shut him down) if he goes too far. Second, if he's still having hang ups about the whole thing, ask him to talk to you about it. If there's some worry in the back of his mind ("does this make me a bad person?", "what if I injure her?"), talking things out and assuaging his worries should make him a lot less cautious. It's a tad cliche, but open, honest, nonjudgmental communication about these things really does work wonders. Finally, I remember reading an article called "BDSM: A Guide for Nice Guys" (on Xeromag.com; google it and it should come up) that actually helped me out when I first got into the lifestyle. One of my favorite lines in it: "There is nothing wrong or disrespectful about treating people the way they want to be treated." Take a look at it yourself and maybe ask him to read it if you like what you see. And good luck! less